Asexuality/Asexual And Proud

I, LaToya Lawrence knew that i was Asexual ever since i was a young teenager, and i am so very proud to be that way as others are.  There are many people in this society who are ignorant to exactly what being Asexual means. To those who have no knowledge about it, some knowledge to it, or who are just plain interested in learning or learning more about the subject i have posted the accurate truth!

For humans, being asexual does not mean having an ability to clone yourself on the spot like an amoeba. For the most part, it also does not mean to have no sexual organs. So what, exactly, is it?

The definition of Asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction.

A study published by the New Scientist magazine in October, 2004 estimated that 1% of the human population is asexual, and confirmed the existence of asexuality in both humans and other animals.

Asexuality As An Orientation

Asexuality is seen by most asexuals as an orientation in its own right. After all, there is sexual attraction to the opposite gender, the same gender, and both genders, so why not also neither gender?

Some asexuals do not consider asexuality an orientation because it is more of a lack of orientation. They do not feel that they have a sexual orientation at all.

As asexuals are a sexual minority, this places asexuality firmly within the ‘queer’¹ movement. However, many asexuals lead a conventionally straight life and some individual asexuals do not feel they are a part of the ‘queer’ movement at all.

Shortened Name

As all other orientations have a shortened name, so does asexuality. Commonly it is ‘A’ although some people prefer ‘Ace’.

Why Call It Asexuality?

Many people wonder why asexuality is so called, as they reason that an asexual person would not wish to define themselves in relation to sex or a sexuality. However, imagine being asexual, having no sexual attraction to either gender, for your entire life. People will be interested in why you aren’t dating, so they ask ‘Are you hetero, homo or bi?’ What can you say in reply? ‘I’m not sexual’ is the answer, but then you have defined yourself in relation to sex. Simply saying ‘None of the above’ will prompt the question ‘So what are you then?’ to which you have to reply with the aforementioned answer.

Love

Asexuals are capable of love. Romantic attraction is separate from sexual attraction, and it is something that many asexuals feel. Some asexuals talk of a ‘romance drive’, meaning that they feel compelled to form a close romantic relationship with a partner.

A romance drive is not connected to sexual attraction or behaviour, it is more of a desire to form a close relationship with someone. This is possible just as it is possible for parents to love their offspring in a non-sexual manner.

Romantic Orientation

Asexuals who have a romance drive can also identify themselves as straight, gay or bi, depending on the gender of person they usually feel romantically attracted to. Romantic orientation is different to sexual orientation, so a gay asexual person remains asexual even though they prefer to form relationships with the people of the same gender.

Asexual Relationships

Most asexual relationships would be looked upon by outsiders as just being very close friends, and indeed in a lot of cases that is true. These asexuals form close friendships with people, but feel no need to go any further. However, for some asexuals a relationship is a lot more than just friendship. These asexual relationships can be very intimate, but the intimacy is not sexual in nature. Asexuals in these relationships consider that they are ‘more than just friends’ with their significant other, so close is their relationship.

Some asexual relationships can also include physical contact of a sexual nature². Most physical asexual relationships focus more on hugging and stroking than sex, however there are asexuals who do enjoy sexual sensations and acts.

Many sexual people do not understand how a relationship can work without sex as they see sex as a necessary expression of love. For asexuals, sex is not an expression of love at all and to many the idea that it is seems foreign. To help differentiate, if sex is a necessary expression of love, then prostitutes are the most loving people in the world.

Sex

Just because someone is asexual doesn’t mean they don’t have sex or can’t enjoy it: asexuality only means that they are not sexually attracted to people. A good proportion of asexuals have tried sex. As asexuals are otherwise normal people they are physically capable of sex, and some asexuals enjoy sexual arousal. Those asexuals who do have sex or masturbate do not think about people during the act; some enjoy the sensation, some have a fetish, and some just let their minds wander and work out what tomorrow’s dinner will be or when the car should next be serviced.

Many asexuals who try sex find it disappointing, and some find the idea of sex absolutely repulsive. Many asexuals do not masturbate and derive no pleasure from any sexual act.

Sexual Arousal

Many sexual people find the concept of sexual attraction difficult to separate from the concept of sexual arousal and assume that they are the same, and therefore anyone who experiences sexual arousal must also experience sexual attraction. This is not true. As an example, many sexual people are sexually aroused by leather, but they are not sexually attracted to leather.

Sex Drive

Some asexuals do have a sex drive. This idea can also be difficult for sexual people to understand. A sex drive is a desire for sexual arousal, not a desire to feel sexual attraction. The difference here can be highlighted by masturbation: people who masturbate by the application of their hand or other object do not feel sexual attraction to that object, but do it because they feel a need for arousal.

Some asexuals who have a sex drive satisfy themselves only by masturbation; these can come under the title of autosexual. Autosexual does not mean that a person loves themselves sexually, merely that they have no wish to have sex with another person, but still feel the desire to experience arousal. Other asexuals who have a sex drive prefer to satisfy themselves by sharing sex with a partner.

Sexual Relationships

It is entirely possible for an asexual to have a sexual relationship. As stated above, some asexuals do enjoy the sexual sensations and therefore will happily engage in a sexual relationship. Some asexuals are not too bothered about sex, but will go through with it because they like giving pleasure to their partner, and others will because they love their partner and are willing to have sex in order to stay with them. Not all asexuals, however, will be willing to do this. Many do not enjoy any sexual act at all (including kissing), so no matter how much they love their partner, sex will be totally out of the question and they have rigidly defined and defended no-go zones.

Marriage

Many asexuals are in sexual marriages, and there are just as many reasons for an asexual to marry as there are for sexual people. In many cases marriage has happened because the asexual person assumed that they must be sexual, since they have never heard that it is possible not to be sexual. Then there are those who love their partner so much they are willing to compromise by having sex just to stay with their partner. Some want children and want their children to grow up in a traditional family group, and some have been forced into it by their religion and family.

Why Are Asexuals Making Such A Fuss?

A lot of people, sexual and asexual alike, do not understand why some asexuals are making such a big deal out of what they see as a non-issue. If you feel no desire for something, why shout about it? There are no a-football groups.

Being Asexual

The world is sex-mad. Sex permeates every part of the world, it is in songs, books, films, radio, television, adverts, billboards, comics, art and shops. Couples are everywhere, and most people talk about sex and sexual relationships every day. Our culture is screaming at everyone to find their perfect mate, settle down and start a family. Many people, not just asexuals, are constantly hounded by family and friends asking when they are going to find a partner and settle down. For some asexuals it is difficult to relate to most entertainment and many friends because either courting or sex are such large parts of them. In this climate, it is very difficult to ignore the fact that sex and sexuality exist. All that may not be obvious to sexuals, but to asexuals it is blindingly obvious.

Isolation

Because of living in such an over-sexed culture that is today’s world, many asexuals feel isolated. As asexuality is so rarely heard of and is largely unknown, young asexuals growing up notice that they are different to their peers and assume that they are horribly broken, deficient in some way, and need to be ‘cured’. This can lead to self-loathing and withdrawal from society. It often leads to experimentation with sex when the asexual concerned has no sex drive, and individuals can often emerge traumatised.

Another reason for isolation is religion. Certainly, mainstream Christians do not have a problem with asexuals, but some see sex as a gift from God that should be used. Many other religions (Mormons, Islam) see it as the duty of all humans to procreate and view not wishing to do so as a sin.

This isolation is why many asexuals feel that they need to spread the word – they have gone through years of self-hate, traumatising sexual experiences, and being told repeatedly that they need medical help. When they hear about asexuality, having found that they are not abnormal after all, they do not want anyone else to have to go through it too. Spreading the word, of course, means making a fuss to get yourself seen and understood by the media.

Why Do Asexuals ‘Come Out’?

Many families and friends constantly hound both sexuals and asexuals to find a partner, and often to settle down and have children. For some asexuals this can be completely out of the question. Many asexuals find it easier to blend in with society by pretending to be sexual, by nodding in agreement of Kylie being hot, or by laughing at sexual jokes, and in this case they are effectively hiding the truth. In any case, ‘coming out’ can be very helpful for asexuals, as if their family and friends understand then they will no longer be hounded to pair up or be expected to join in sexual conversations.

For some asexuals it is not an issue, either they are lucky enough to have very accepting (or asexual) family and friends, or they just never find themselves in a situation where they are expected to discuss sex.

What Causes Asexuality?

Nothing is yet known to cause asexuality. Examples of common assumptions of causes are:

• Abuse – Abuse is not known to cause asexuality. It may cause repulsion, hatred or fear of sex, but not asexuality. Almost all abuse victims turn out to be sexual, and those who don’t weren’t sexual to begin with.
• Hormonal or Chemical Imbalances – While some drugs do repress libido, and pregnant and pre-natal women lack a sex drive, hormonal problems are rarely the cause of asexuality. Many asexuals have gone through rigorous tests which conclude that their hormones are completely normal.
• Genes – Scientists may have found a ‘gay gene’ which increases the chances of the carrier being gay. There is no known ‘asexuality gene’ but the possibility does exist.
• Social Recluse – Asexuals are normal people. Some of them are popular, some aren’t, some are extroverts, some introverts, and of course some are very withdrawn. It is possible that there is a higher percentage of asexual introverts than sexual introverts, but that is probably caused by the asexuality: most people naturally become withdrawn from the world if they don’t fit in. In Internet asexual communities most of the asexuals are introverts, but this is probably because all the extroverts are out and too busy with their social lives to visit the Internet very much. This is noticeable in a great majority of Internet communities including h2g2.
• Fear Of Relationships – Also trust issues. A fear or relationships or a lack of trust does not lead to a lack of sexual attraction. These issues are separate to asexuality. They can coexist with asexuality, just as sexual people also have these problems.

Some Not-so-commonly-touted Reasons

• Premature Birth – The theory was that premature babies may not have had their full quota of sexual hormones while in the womb. This one was quickly ruled out as research showed that although many asexuals were premature, some were full term and many others were beyond full term.
• Oldest Child – An Internet poll with 53 respondents interestingly shows that 49% of asexuals are the oldest child in a family. This should not be taken seriously as evidence, however, as there are simply not enough data collected on the subject.
• Death of a Loved One – As a child, the death of a family member or close friend can be very traumatic, and it was speculated that this could lead to asexuality. However, most children who have suffered a loss grow up to be sexual.

What Asexuality Isn’t

On first hearing about asexuality many sexual people fail to comprehend what asexuality is. So here are some common misconceptions about asexuality:

• Celibacy – Celibacy is a choice not to have sex. Asexuality is not a choice but an orientation, and while some asexuals do not have a sex drive, others do.
• A disorder – Asexuality is just another orientation. While some people still have a problem with the existence of more than one orientation, it is widely accepted that there are more. Asexuals are just like any other people, and come from all walks of life, all countries, and all religions. Asexuals are just as mentally balanced as the rest of the human race.
• Homosexuals in hiding – Asexuals are not claiming to be asexuals because they are homosexual and don’t want to admit it. Homosexuals who don’t want to admit it, like asexuals who don’t want to admit to it, tend to claim that they are heterosexual. To claim to be asexual would draw close scrutiny of their sexuality and sex life, which is the last thing someone who wants to stay in the closet wants.
• A late bloomer – Asexuality is usually a lifelong thing; if you are born asexual you will stay asexual, and most asexuals do. Most, because as with other sexualities, some people do drift into a different sexuality. It is possible to both become asexual having been sexual, and become sexual having been asexual. If you are 13 and haven’t felt sexual attraction then you could be a late bloomer. If you are 20, you are very probably asexual.
• Frigidity – Frigidity is sexual unresponsiveness. Asexuality is an orientation, and those asexuals who have a sex drive do enjoy sex. It is, of course, possible to be both asexual and frigid, but neither implies the other.
• Sexual repression – People who are sexually repressed are still sexual, however deeply they have buried their sexual feelings. Asexuals are not sexually repressed, but merely feel no sexual attraction.
• Fear of sex – Asexuality is an orientation, not a fear. Some asexuals have and enjoy sex, others do not because they have no sex drive.
• Only for women – Both men and women can be asexual. Currently the statistics show that more asexuals are women, but that could be simply because less men wish to admit to it.
• Nature’s way of controlling population – This was also thought of homosexuals, but studies have shown that even in endangered species there are homosexual specimens. Other studies have shown that the existence of homosexuality is an evolutionary advantage as it means there are a few adults around without offspring who can devote more time and energy to looking after nephews and nieces, and the same could be said for asexuality. There is no reason to believe that asexuality is a way of controlling population, particularly as some asexuals do enjoy sex and do have children.
• A hormonal problem – Although this may be true for a small number of people, it is not the case for most asexuals. Many asexuals have gone through many tests to identify hormonal problems, to find that levels were completely normal.
• Social retardedness – Asexuals are normal people. Some of them are popular, some aren’t, some are extroverts, some introverts, and of course some are very withdrawn.
• Ugliness – Asexuals do not choose to identify as asexual because they are ugly or ‘can’t get any’. Just like the rest of the human race, some asexuals are beautiful, most are average, and some aren’t so good-looking.
• Pickiness – It is not that asexuals are very picky about who they date. Many just don’t feel the need to date anyone, and those who do date are only picky about sexual activity.
• Religiousness – Some asexuals are religious, some very religious, and others are not at all religious. Some statistics suggest that asexuals are more likely to be religious.

Asexual Responses To Common Statements And Questions Made By Sexuals

When an asexual ‘comes out’ to a sexual person, there are many responses widely reported by asexuals that shows that the sexual person just doesn’t understand or wasn’t listening. These are some of those responses and some asexual replies:

• Asexuality doesn’t exist. Why not? How can you know someone better than they do? What makes you the authority on other people’s feelings?
• Are you gay? Possibly, but not necessarily. See above ‘Homosexuals in hiding’ under ‘What Asexuality Isn’t’.
• You need to see a doctor. Asexuality is not a medical problem, nor is it a disorder. See above ‘A disorder’ and ‘A hormonal problem’ under ‘What Asexuality Isn’t’.
• Were you abused? Asexuality does not seem to have any obvious causes. Abuse can obviously lead to repulsion, hatred or fear of sex, but not to asexuality.
• You don’t know what you’re missing. Some asexuals do have sex, some do masturbate. Some asexuals with no sex drive have tried sex. They do know what they’re missing and are quite content that they’re not having it. Those asexuals who have not tried sex realise that they don’t know what it’s like, but they have no desire to find out. One such asexual remarked it’s like algebra. I understand the concept, but have no interest and indeed asexuals will draw an analogy with many things – baseball, synchronised swimming, playing a harmonica, or sky-diving. They understand what it means and how it’s done, but have no interest in anything to do with it.
• You just haven’t met the right person yet, or you’re just a late bloomer. Asexuality is for life, not just for childhood. See above ‘A late bloomer’ under ‘What Asexuality Isn’t’. Most sexuals are aware from their early teens that they are sexual, and most know what their orientation is. Surely an asexual person, just the same as heterosexual person, is allowed to state that they are asexual when they are. Just because they might not always be doesn’t stop them being asexual at that point in time.
• No, really, everyone’s sexual. You just haven’t met the right person. Everyone isn’t sexual, asexuals are not sexual. For many asexuals, the right person wouldn’t want sex either.
• You’ve obviously never had me, f’naar f’naar. Anyone who does not find you sexually attractive is not likely to date you just to find out if you can make them find you sexually attractive. Asexuality, like heterosexuality, is not something that needs to be ‘cured’.
• You must be very religious. Asexuality is nothing to do with religion. Some asexuals are religious, some aren’t. See above ‘Religiousness’ under ‘What Asexuality Isn’t’.
• It’s unnatural. If it was unnatural it wouldn’t exist, but there are scientific studies of other animals to prove that it does exist³.
• You’re just making it up to make yourself feel special. If someone were doing that, surely they would choose something that didn’t open them up to criticism? Many asexuals have been laughed at and even shunned for letting people know of their asexuality. Anyone needing to feel special is probably insecure and will not want that to happen.
• OK, that’s fine. Hurrah, you understand! You’re wonderful!
• Here Is An Article I also Came Across

Asexuals Say They’re Misunderstood in a Sex-Obsessed World

Karl Hodgetts and Victoria Glancy are engaged but are not sure whether they will consummate their marriage. (ABC News)

September 5, 2006 1:05:21 PM PDT

var addthis_pub = ‘abcnews’;

David Jay has had plenty of girlfriends.

But despite the 24-year-old Californian’s success in dating, he’s a virgin — and he plans to stay that way.

He’s not joining the priesthood or taking any vow of celibacy; he said he simply has no interest in having sex — ever.

Story

Sex Therapist

“I’m sure that life is really, really great when it’s all about sex. But life is also really, really great when it’s not about sex,” he told “20/20’s” JuJu Chang.

Keith Walker of Texas was married for four years, but said he had sex only a handful of times.

“I really had no real interest or desire for sex. It was certainly nothing that I would ever think to do.”

Nancy Mulligan, a divorcee from Washington state, said her seven-year marriage was never consummated.

“We did other things. We’d watch out for each other. We were affectionate with each other,” she said.

When ABC News first covered this story, Walker and Mulligan were just friends. They have since become romantically involved, but say their sex lives haven’t changed.

Victoria Glancy and Karl Hodgetts got married in May. They had sex once, but have no real interest in doing it again and still consider themselves asexual.

For the remaining members, giving voice to asexuality is a proud mission.

“I don’t really see any difference between our relationship and other people’s relationships, except you know, we don’t have sex,” Glancy said.

No Libido — No Problem

Who are these people?

From different ages and walks of life, they share one thing in common — not low libido, but no libido.

They call themselves “asexual,” and they proclaim that they are not attracted to men or women.

Jay said his lack of libido was nothing new. He said he’d never experienced attraction — to either sex.

“I realized that I was asexual because when I was young, all of my friends started being attracted to people, and I had no idea what they were talking about,” he said.

It was the same way for Mulligan, who felt isolated for years.

“I thought I was the only one in the world. I had just kind of settled into the rut that I was different and decided to do the best I could with it,” she said.

But now asexuals are building a community through a Web site — asexuality.org. It has chat rooms, sells T-shirts, and says it has 11,000-plus members worldwide.

Why Some Men In Particular Cheat On Their Lover

Everyone is an individual so there are a number of reasons why certain men cheat. Nevertheless, one major reason some are unfaithful and run from woman to woman is due to them not being sexually satisfied the way that they want to be. And exactly what i mean by that is when it comes to a woman’s vagina.

What is general knowledge as well as common sense is knowing that anything continuously in use for a very long period of time will eventually give way and lose it’s durability. And it is just the same with a woman’s vagina. Some women are just sexually worn out. Giving birth to children will also stretch a woman to such an extent, especially if she’s having children over an over. Some women don’t even give their bodies enough time to heal after childbirth before they become intimate again.

A lot of men get very disappointed when they have sex with a woman only to find out that she is loose. Men and women who’ve been in relationships for years have even experienced this great disappointment. There are certain women who for a while now have been going to doctors to surgically get their virginity back. They spend loads of money to tighten back up their vaginal muscles in order for them and their partner to experience the sensations of pleasurable sex.

It is indeed true with some. The tighter the better. That is one of the reasons some men seek out virgins. Pertaining to those on that particular level, aside from the macho crap of being the first to “deflower” a female only to satisfy their own pathetic ego, the other reason is because a virgin vagina provides a man with the ultimate sensation since it has never been in use before.

As An ASexual Person I’m Sharing My Personal Views And Feelings

One thing i don’t hear too much about is people who are Asexual. I personally am Asexual. I’m not into men or women. I would never judge anyone as myself because everyone is an individual. From my personal experience, however, i’ve never sexually desired a penis and i know there are quite a few other women out there in the world who feel the same way that i do who are not lesbians.

During my teenage years i discovered my clitoris and experienced orgasms. I wasn’t at all afraid to explore my body. Why should i have been? It was my body. I had never had sexual intercourse with a man. And after experiencing pleasurable sensations from stimulating my clitoris i still did not have the desire or curiosity to explore a penis.

During my mid twenties i decided that i wanted to have a child. It was then and for that reason only that i settled for dealing with a man sexually. I would have preferred to go to a sperm bank but at that particular time i did not have the money to do so. So i engaged in sexual activity a few times at a very short time period in one month. And the act did not do anything for me. I did not feel any sexual pleasure at all. To me, sexual intercourse is definitely a mind thing. I did not have any feelings for the guy that i dealt with for that occasion. In fact, he disgusted me. He was into me and wanted a relationship. I had to get rid of him quick. Some people will become sexually attached as he did. And, some men are so macho they think their penis can change your mind. But it is not at all in the stroke for me. Sex is all in the mind and can’t no man or his penis do a thing for me! The thought of a man touching me in any way whether it is with a kiss, caress or touch by penetration turns me off.

My efforts didn’t work in the process. His ego got into the way. This guy wanted me to want him. It sometimes takes months before conception occurs but i couldn’t let no man have sex with me over and over again! And when he found out that i was never going to actually come around to desiring him he attempted to pretend that he would conceive a child with me. Just to get back at me. I didn’t have time for any games. I wanted one thing and one thing only, and that was a baby. I considered having sex a sacrifice because the penetration of a man’s penis was and felt so unnatural to me.

I have not indulged in anymore sexual activity since and that was nearly ten years ago. I don’t ever plan on attempting to make a baby with the assistance of a man ever again.

As being Asexual, another thing in this society is really disgusting to me. And that is how some men try to destroy a women by making up sexual lies about them or telling about what may have went on in the bedroom between the two of them. Certain types of people tend to believe men when they fabricate tales of sexual encounters and will join in with the slander by trying to degrade the women. Words like “slut” don’t bother me because the word has nothing to do with me. It is beneath me. You have those though that don’t look at it that way. When most men and even some women call other women a derogatory name like “whore” or “slut” they expect it to hurt deep down inside to make the person feel very low. And in this day and age this society still accepts the act of letting men ruin some womens reputations when it comes to sexual matters.

A man can go around sleeping with hundreds of women while he is considered a “king”. A woman as everybody knows on the other hand will be considered one of the most rotten things in the world. Many still believe that most women will break down to lose their confidence if a man trashes their name by putting them out there as a skank. It gives them a great sense of power. I can’t speak for anyone else personally on this matter although i know i’m not the only woman who feels this way since there are such a wide variety of people in our world, but no man or woman could ever lower or make me completely lose my self-confidence by using sexual gestures that are considered offensive in this society.

I am a human being who doesn’t go along with the many brainwashings and beliefs of what is suppose to maintain and lower a woman’s worth. I don’t think that it is right for a woman to sleep around with many other people if she loves herself. The body is one’s temple and one should want to keep it very healthy and clean. At the same time i do not believe that a woman who sleeps around lowers her value. I just believe it means that she does not value herself!

 

Me And A Man

Thursday, February 08, 2007 at 9:15 AM EST

•  I don’t understand why certain people are so concerned about me not wanting to have a man in my life. People have always judged me not for what i do but for the things that i do not do and it is really none of their business. All of this man shit really didn’t get this big until after i severely hurt the feelings of three guys in the past by being very nasty toward them then coldy rejecting them because i did not want them and the outcome has really been ridiculous.

• I have heard in my life of some men not being able to handle rejection very well, however, it is very sad when some get hurt so bad that they can’t move on by continuing to seek revenge through lies perpetuated by those who keep spreading them. I don’t know what these niggers expect to happen to me. I am not going down. For some sick reason do to their stupid egos they want people to believe that my weakness is for a man and that i am the one who has been hurt by a man and i am so tired of this dumb bullshit.

• People really need to grow up and get over the fact that i’m a happy, healthy, successfull independent woman who doesn’t and never has gave a fuck about a man.

Halitosis

Wednesday, October 18, 2006 at 4:22 PM EDT
A long while ago there was this guy named Mike who had a crackhead brother named James who’d go around telling big lies just to hold a conversation. Their last name was Hayward and their father was suppose to be some kind of plumber. Well anyway, a pipe needed to be cut and repaired inside of my family’s upstairs bathroom during the winter of the year 1999. It had to do with a radiator we had and we weren’t able to get any heat within our entire house so we were all freezing. Mike was supposedly trying to follow in his father’s footsteps by doing plumbing work. James, who we’d known for a long time brought over his brother Mike, who we’d just met to fix the pipe an help get us some heat. While Mike was suppose to be doing his work he was too busy profiling and cracking jokes to try to be funny. But instantly i didn’t find him to be attractive or amusing. When Mike finished one part of the work he’d done for the night my mother paid him sixty dollars then served him and his brother James a plate of food. You know, it beat spending a arm and a leg to hire a “real plumber”. After the guys ate they watched a movie on cable with us and immediately my mother and i picked up on how Mike was attracted to me. I didn’t like the way he was making himself too comfortable around me. I read him right away as like i do most people.

That night passed. James came over on one of his visits without Mike, saying how we were going to be seeing a lot of his brother because he was liking me but James knew that i wasn’t interested in his brother because later on James admitted to me and my mother that Mike was angry do to the fact that i didn’t want him. He even talked about Mike to us saying that Mike was stupid and that he was always laying up with different women. I learned that Mike was born under the sign Pisces so most of them are weak for sex anyway.

In between time when Mike was coming by my house back then he tried to push himself on me and that made me mad because i didn’t desire him at all. Every time he’d go to speak to me i had to turn my head because his breath smelled so very bad. It literally smelled like shit. I’ve smelled plenty of peoples bad breath but i had never smelled no shit like that before. He had the nerve to ask my mother “where’s my baby at?” talking about me as he was making his way up the steps to the room that i was in. I overheard him. Mike was moving way too fast! He acted as if he just knew we were going to be together and that pissed me off even more because to me he was no good kind of catch at all. Mike considered himself to be a cute guy, however, i didn’t see where at. Beauty is in the eye of the beholder and to me Mike was ugly. His physique was very unappealing to me. He was sized bigger at the top than he was at the bottom. He wasn’t proportioned right. And he carried his ass on his back. Mike had one of those “back butts”. Mike was also poor with his outer bodily hygiene he was funky around his neck area. All of those stupid women that he’d messed with must have filled up his head, making him think that he was hot stuff an some type of hunk. The way that i saw it the women Mike was messing around with had to be ugly women because in my opinion no very attractive woman such as myself would want to be running after and then falling all over him. He was nothing to fall all over at. Out of curiosity i asked James one night how do the women Mike runs around with look like and he just confirmed what i already knew, “they’re all black and bruised” he told me in return. I know that James is a big liar but he wasn’t lying about that! I know what i can believe and not believe when words come from a liar.

I had took a ride with Mike out to Home Depot to buy a new lock for my front door. On the way back he stopped off at a gas station and bought a little bottle of Scope mouthwash but that didn’t help his problem. I still smelled his rotten breath. When we returned home he called himself putting on the lock then fucked it up by breaking it. He opened it up by going inside of it with a screwdriver then screwed it back up to put it on the door then called himself fixing a lock. Every time my mother and i would put our key inside the keyhole the whole lock would turn around in a circle. We had to re- purchase a brand new lock and i had to sufficently put the lock up on our door. Mike had the nerve to want three thousand dollars to finish the bathroom pipe. He didn’t get shit! He couldn’t even put a lock on the door. It took him hours just to cut the pipe when he first came to my house. What i read about Mike is that he was a nothing looking for a woman to take care of him. What he needed to do was to go to a doctor to take care of that nasty breath of his. Do you know that my mother broke down and called a real plumber who came to our house and did the pipe work in just a snap! I still remember to this day. The guy was a young very attractive italian who had a appealing physique. He was healthy and everything was set in the right place. The man was very professional and that made me think about how much i couldn’t stand Mike. People who really got it “going on” don’t need to try to be more than what they are and what they’re not because they already know and just be themselves.

My Confessions

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 at 8:17 PM EDT

• I don’t know why I’m calling this post my confessions. I’ve never had anything to hide. What i really mean by confessing is just acknowledging more in depth how i feel about particular things regarding myself.I am a female. A woman. And I’m very glad to be. I am strong-minded, strong-willed, determined, stubborn, confident, opinionated, outspoken and a few other things. When i was a little girl i loved to have fun just like most children and i was very creative. A lot of children have an idea of what they want to be when they become an adult. I knew by the age of ten that i would write and that is the age that i began writing the short stories that i use to. I also knew that when i grew up that i never wanted to marry. I am thirty-one years old now and have never had a boyfriend. So i really did know what i did and did not want early on.

  I also knew that one day when i was ready i would want to have two children, preferably two female children. Two daughters. My two little girls. The only problem was how would i get them? I didn’t want no man on top of me. I thought going to a sperm bank would cost too much money for me at the time since there was no guarantee that conception would occur during the first insemination. I’ve heard of women spending up to six thousands of dollars after numerous tries before actual conception occurred through being artificially inseminated by a doctor. So if i really wanted to have a child I’d have to do what i had to do and that would mean lying down with a man that i didn’t want. It wouldn’t been a problem. A whole lot of men were interested in me during my younger years. They just didn’t understand why i didn’t want to be bothered since most young women are man-crazy and are heavily into a man. I was just the opposite.

  A few of the reasons i paid my admirers no attention was because the majority of them were nothing, nobodies. They were in my opinion unattractive and definitely undesirable as far as their physical appearance and level of mentality. What turned me off the most, though, is them approaching me like automatically without them even knowing me, that i was suppose to have an inclination for males. They made a general assumption about me that was definitely not true. I am Asexual and very proud of it. I’ve never ever had any emotional or physical desire for a man. When guys had crushes on me and expressed their feelings in their own ways it disgusted me where others would think that it was cute or normal. And i am very sure most consider having a crush on someone then acting on it normal.

  I felt if a guy was attracted to me and wanted to be with me he should have kept it to himself because he didn’t stand a chance with me. Then i began to think about it a little bit, and thought about using a man’s feelings for me to my advantage. You know when someone is into you and you are not into them then you have the upper hand. Some of the guys who were interested in me had heard that i was a virgin and probably thought ( in their mind if they were to ever get the chance) by having sex with me they could turn me out or that i would change and become attached to them and fall all over them then a man would have some significance to me. Boy did they have me figured out wrong! Some of those male egos and ignorance’s need to go! There is a whole lot that some men really need to learn. Yes, i was a virgin as far as never ever having intercourse with a man. A male penis had never penetrated my vagina but i had already experienced sexual pleasure without the aid of a man.

  You see, i had discovered my clitoris years beforehand. It is a very sensitive area connected to nerves inside the body that with the educated touch of a finger ( i learned naturally on my own ) there are very nice sensations and climaxes to experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong with self experimentation, getting to know and love your own self sexually before letting someone else take control. But when a man is inside of you he is not the one really in control of giving you your pleasure. It is all up to you and your mind whether or not your body will allow his penis to ignite those sensations. You have to already have an attraction or desire for a man in order to feel any pleasure from him. This particular subject is not embarrassing and it should not be. It is important. When i was a little girl i curiously took a mirror to see what my vagina looked like. What’s wrong with that? Nothing! None of these things mean that you are being a bad girl or fresh. It is being smart and knowledgeable.

  During the very first and only time period i tried to get pregnant by attempting sexual intercourse i felt absolutely nothing, no kind of sensation or pleasure whatsoever from the penis i endured because i had no desire and emotion to be with any male. On the other hand though, i could go and stimulate my clitoris on my own while i was alone and feel all the pleasure in the world because my mind was happily accepting that i was the one who was causing sensations received by myself. My mind and body was and is not receptive to the thought of being touched by a man since nothing about a man arouses me. My body doesn’t want something pounding inside and out, that is just plain stupid! During clitoral stimulation, there is no penetration. Only i can arouse myself as i am in love with myself. And i haven’t ever been with any other man since. That was years ago. And for the future there won’t be another one. My vagina is strictly off limits as it has always been. There is no man anywhere around me or in my neighborhood who can honestly say that they had me or will have me because now i have the money to go to a sperm bank if i really want to. Even if i didn’t have the money i still would not resort to lying down with a man because that is not who i am and because to me it is so unnatural. My clitoris is natural. I was born with it. I know how to take care of myself if i want a vaginal massage, i prefer myself.

  When and if i eventually do get pregnant, like i mentioned before I’d prefer to have girls. My girls because i know they’d be very similar to me i have very strong genes. If i unfortunately get pregnant with a boy I’d be very pissed off and disappointed then I’d go seek an abortion. You see, there is no way in the world that i would want or have anything male growing up inside of me.

  I know the way that i feel goes against God’s will just as fornication. God would prefer that i get married then have children and accept the children no matter what the sex is especially since I’m so spiritually blessed the way that i am. However, i have my own will. And it goes against God’s. Now i live a very clean life as it is. I never went astray. I fornicated on only one occasion and that was done purely to make a baby and not out of any type of lust but i think the act itself left me open and vulnerable to the attack of evil spirits when my enemies worked their witchcraft. Protection comes with God’s Holy Spirit and his spirit is not to be defiled by any spiritual uncleanliness. Now while witchcraft was unable to affect my strength, mind, actions and emotions it was able to affect my progress in life by interfering with my destiny. So it wasn’t so much about my enemies having the ability to attack me it was that at the hands of my own actions i gave them the opportunity by disobeying God and defiling his Holy Spirit. If i had been married the act would’ve been clean.

  Nevertheless, you know what? I still say even though i am spiritually restored now i don’t think that was fair. And life is not fair. I am a very good person and i don’t deny the power and works of the Lord but my heart is hardened against the way God set certain things. The only real big sin that i was and am guilty of is rebellion. I still refuse to want to do it the Lord’s way by getting married to have a child and I’d still get an abortion or want to if i ever get pregnant with a male child. If i did get married I’d just be using the man for what i want. It just wouldn’t work out. I lose patience in just two weeks of being around a man. And like i said before I’d never have any sexual dealings with a man as long as i live so if i lose God’s partial protection again by trying to conceive a child out of wedlock through going to a sperm bank and getting rid of a fetus because it turns out to be a boy then the Lord is just not right. My feelings will never change even if i risk spending an eternity burning in hell for it.

Love Spells

Friday, July 28, 2006 at 12:57 AM EDT

• As my faithful readers who believe in me may already know i’m not and have never been interested in men. Nevertheless, there have always been men who were interested in me whether their motives were negative or positive and it didn’t matter to me at all since i’d never had any sexual or emotional feelings or desires for a man. Well, on my job this caucasian guy took an interest in me not too long ago and i definitely did not want to be bothered with him. My second day at work two months ago he’d just become manager over me and it wasn’t so long after that i noticed that he was attracted to me. And right around that same particular time during my first week i lost a set of keys to my locker. From then on my new manager was overly attentive to me in two ways that i immediately caught on to. He’d compliment me on my work as did many of the other managers did and there was absolutely nothing wrong with that. However, giving me praise was just an excuse to lean his way on over to chat with me. I never really gave him too much conversation i kept my words strictly business. He usually talks and jokes around with other co-workers also just like a lot of outgoing people do. With me though he had a purpose, an ulterior motive which didn’t take me long to figure out completely.

  Three days after i lost my keys thoughts of him invaded my mind and i instantly knew that he was attempting to set me up for a downfall. I am very spiritually inclined due to the unique gift i have so my warning took me steps ahead of him. No, he didn’t know me well enough or at all to have a fair initiative to want to harm me though i was quite sure he knew people who know of me who’d just love to stir up some stupid shit. They’ve already spreaded billions of lies about me in the past that have greatly failed to discourage me so why not try to do me in some more until they get it right! Anyway, to make a short story even shorter. My manager’s plans didn’t work by trying to make me attracted then drawing me nearer to him by the use of evil witchcraft so now he’s mad and extremely embarrassed because i know about it. Believe it or not witchcraft is being practiced more so now than ever, it is a way of life for many but i’m not going to get into that particular subject right now. I will mention this though, if i were into men he still would have never stood a chance with me since i smelled his nasty stinking ass. And, the summer hadn’t even came yet. It was the spring and he stunk real bad. I smelled my manager on three occasions. I don’t know if he’d slept with a woman then hadn’t washed for a couple of days but whatever the situation was the odor was terrible.

  Currently, i ignore this asshole as he has tried to pettily annoy me in indirect ways. He’s jealous of me because he was at the job longer and i got a promotion real quick. He’s the type to think that all young black women are loose an stupid. It eats him up inside to see one that has it all together and who could go real far in life. That is totally all his problem! I don’t speak to him, i keep my distance. I never bothered him anyway. He was always approaching me. This past monday he brought some girl where we work holding her hand to try to take the slack off of him but i know that game and he saw it didn’t work with me. He is as guilty as sin and got caught red handed so there is no need to try to cover it up with me to ease up his embarrassment. He’s a nothing, a nobody. He can try to start and talk as much shit as he wants to but he better wake up because i am definitely not a woman that he should fuck with! And he needs to realize this before he regrets it! Thank goodness he’s not my manager any more. Since i got promoted i have a female manager over me.

Gossip & People In The Street

Friday, April 07, 2006 at 4:31 PM EDT

•  Ignorance is everywhere. In all walks of life there will always be people who read things wrong and spread rumors. One doesn’t have to be a street person to not have accurate knowledge of things or to place high value on the relevance of what people think when it comes to gossip. I’ve been around street people all of my life and as far as i am concerned they are the most stupidest kind that i have ever come across. Gossip is the only real weapon they have against people who are deeply bothered by being talked about-aside from their practice of working witchcraft. Of course, all people who constantly hang out in the street are not into or even believe in voodoo but, for those who do it is a major weapon of theirs. A lot of street people are down on their luck and are very envious of those who have it better. Then you have some who may have a little something and, still don’t measure up. They talk about everybody-whether they’re in a higher category or a lower one. If you’re in a higher category, though, and you know it an show it, they’ll work their best to try to bring you down lower than where they’re at. And i know this from my own experiences. Most of the time i am very aware when rumors are being or have been spread about me. The trash have a pattern of making things known to you by verbalizing what they think they know about you. Nevertheless, i am aware of most things because i’m very spiritually inclined to my surroundings.

  One summer i was walking down the street of my block when a kid half my age uttered to his playmate “Everybody knows about her and Omar”, a jealous street guy in his fifties who went around our neighborhood spreading sexual lies because he couldn’t get over on me. “Everybody knows what?” i say and, that is exactly my point! It wasn’t what they knew. It’s what they thought they knew because a lie is the truth to street-trash. And, street people keep their lies up for years, they play on the minds of other street people and people alike because through their prior experience they know what some people will fall for due to the level they are on and the way they think. For some reason trash feel they have the right to speak at you about the things they may have heard, believing it will do some major damage to someone emotionally. The men especially think that they have control when another man is the source of nasty gossip concerning a woman. Not so long ago males i didn’t know would call me “bitch” or “slut” because in their ignorant mind it was suppose to hurt me and if i acted as their words didn’t bother me they’d prefer to believe that i was just putting up a front. But, i was being my actual self. Their words went through one ear and out the other they did not faze me, what a man says or does has no bearing on me. I just don’t understand why as a woman in this society i’m suppose to be the weaker sex when i’m far from it. Omar, the man who was taken advantage of and who was jealous of me thought if people believed his lies about me then treated me unkindly that it would affect me. However, it did not and i’ve never been the type to care and worry over what others thought of me. If people believe him and act on it that is purely their stupidity and, it definitely will not stop me from doing anything in my life. Omar couldn’t handle the fact that i was younger and smarter than him. He made an ass out of himself for chasing after me in the first place, he found out the hard way that i wasn’t the average young girl walking around not knowing too much about life. I do know a lot for my age so he fucked with the wrong one! And i know it! He can tell all the lies in the world he just showed me how deeply his pride got hurt.

  Everyone isn’t as strong and fortunate as me when it comes to people lashing out at them. I’ve always been a loner so i can survive without the approval of others. Some people think that i run my mouth too much but, guess what? I’m going to keep running my mouth. Some think that i’m stupid or headed for trouble because of the way i am but, guess what? I’m going to keep being me. Some even believe i’m crazy and incapable of doing anything other than my passion for writing but, guess what? I’m exceptionally sane, multi talented, highly intelligent and, the world will hear of me one day even though i’m not interested in having fame-then all of my haters will have to hate me even more!

Male/Female Gal Pals

• Wednesday, February 08, 2006 at 2:24 PM EST

  I know males that want to hang around females not to get into their panties but to just remain good friends because they enjoy one another’s company and, that is normal. But you have some who don’t get too close to a female because of what their male buddies may think. Some guys feel that if a guy hangs around a female all the time and even spends money on her without getting any sex from her he’s a punk or he shouldn’t be around her. That makes no sense to me but that’s just my point of view. Before you’re a male or a female you are a human being so what does gender have to do with how you regard someone in a friendship?

  Post Tags: Friends, Life

  Post Comment (2) Comments

• Well honestly i don’t have any male friends, though i have male classmates, schoolmats, or relatives. I hope when i start working, i will make friends with some guys.

  Posted by amber on Friday, March 24, 2006 11:56 PM EST

• I totally agree with what you are saying. Some of my best friends are guys. It shouldn’t matter what gender your friends are as long as they are good friends. I know alot of people, even guys, who think that having friends of the opposite gender is a good thing becuase you can get into the mind of the other gender.

  Posted by Jenni Leigh on Wednesday, February 08, 2006 4:35 PM EST

Knucklehead Men

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 at 2:11 PM EST
I’m a nice-looking woman but i don’t understand why knucklehead men continue to try to talk to me. They should be able to look at me and see that they don’t stand a chance. They’re undesirable and i don’t even mess around with men anyway. Men have always been the easiest thing for me to stay away from. “All men are not the same” or, ” have you been in a bad relationship?” Is what some have said and asked me after hearing how i feel about men. And it has nothing to do with either one. I know that all men aren’t the same and that there are good nice men out there i just naturally don’t want to be with one and i’m tired of hearing about it. “Why you don’t get married?” “You should be married”. What is the big deal with these people? I don’t need a man! They don’t do anything for me. I’m not telling them not to be with a man, i don’t care what people do with their life. Why be worried about me? I’ve never been in a bad romantic relationship because i never had any feelings for a man. I’ve seen other’s around me who were in relationships and i don’t understand it. When they find out their man is cheating they go crazy, i couldn’t care less where a man sticks his penis, how would it hurt me? His body doesn’t belong to me. And, these knucklehead men, you can tell them that you don’t want them and they push themselves on you anyway. Some of them like a challenge or they’re just plain sick because to get back at you and to impress their stupid friends they’ll sometimes say they had you! They use other women to try an make you jealous and you don’t even want them, or women who do want them they try to use you to make them jealous-a bunch of silly shit. And these be full grown men! More than once i’ve watched guys profile in front of me, trying to make me have a crush on them and, some thinking if they get me i’ll fall all over them. Bullshit! That will never happen. Not in a million years. Can’t no penis take my mind. I know a girl on my block who got sexually whipped by a guy and he married her and got her eating out of his hand. He cheats on her too. I can’t count how many male associates who were in relationships with women that told me what they be doing behind their girlfriends back. And some women are so stupid they won’t even believe it, they’ll get mad at you for telling them and their man will deny it ,of course, and make you out to be the bad person. But i never got involve with that.

I have a relative who loves to watch the Maury show and Jerry Springer and almost every day it’s the same ole thing. Somebody fighting over somebody else’s man or woman, and women crying because they don’t know who their baby’s daddy is or because the man don’t want to take care of the child. If i had a baby it darn sure wouldn’t matter to me if the man didn’t want to be there. I don’t understand none of that nonsense. I couldn’t sit up and watch them kind of shows every day. There are knucklehead women out there too who won’t leave men who don’t want to be bothered alone but when it comes to a man it’s a little worse because they have those pathetic egos.