Monthly Archives: August 2007

As An ASexual Person I’m Sharing My Personal Views And Feelings

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One thing i don’t hear too much about is people who are Asexual. I personally am Asexual. I’m not into men or women. I would never judge anyone as myself because everyone is an individual.

From my personal experience, however, i’ve never sexually desired a penis and i know there are quite a few other women out there in the world who feel the same way that i do who are not lesbians.

During my teenage years i discovered my clitoris and experienced orgasms. I wasn’t at all afraid to explore my body. Why should i have been? It was my body.

I had never had sexual intercourse with a man. And after experiencing pleasurable sensations from stimulating my clitoris i still did not have the desire or curiosity to explore a penis.

During my mid twenties i decided that i wanted to have a child. It was then and for that reason only that i settled for dealing with a man sexually.

I would have preferred to go to a sperm bank but at that particular time i did not have the money to do so. So i engaged in sexual activity a few times at a very short time period in one month. And the act did not do anything for me.

I did not feel any sexual pleasure at all. To me, sexual intercourse is definitely a mind thing.

I did not have any feelings for the guy that i dealt with for that occasion. In fact, he disgusted me. He was into me and wanted a relationship. I had to get rid of him quick.

Some people will become sexually attached as he did. And, some men are so macho they think their penis can change your mind. But it is not at all in the stroke for me. Sex is all in the mind and can’t no man or his penis do a thing for me!

The thought of a man touching me in any way whether it is with a kiss, caress or touch by penetration turns me off.

My efforts didn’t work in the process. His ego got into the way.

This guy wanted me to want him. It sometimes takes months before conception occurs but i couldn’t let no man have sex with me over and over again!

And when he found out that i was never going to actually come around to desiring him he attempted to pretend that he would conceive a child with me. Just to get back at me.

I didn’t have time for any games. I wanted one thing and one thing only, and that was a baby. I considered having sex a sacrifice because the penetration of a man’s penis was and felt so unnatural to me.

I have not indulged in anymore sexual activity since and that was nearly ten years ago. I don’t ever plan on attempting to make a baby with the assistance of a man ever again.

As being Asexual, another thing in this society is really disgusting to me. And that is how some men try to destroy a women by making up sexual lies about them or telling about what may have went on in the bedroom between the two of them.

Certain types of people tend to believe men when they fabricate tales of sexual encounters and will join in with the slander by trying to degrade the women.

Words like “slut” don’t bother me because the word has nothing to do with me. It is beneath me.

You have those though that don’t look at it that way.

When most men and even some women call other women a derogatory name like “whore” or “slut” they expect it to hurt deep down inside to make the person feel very low. And in this day and age this society still accepts the act of letting men ruin some women’s reputations when it comes to sexual matters.

A man can go around sleeping with hundreds of women while he is considered a “king”. A woman as everybody knows on the other hand will be considered one of the most rotten things in the world.

Many still believe that most women will break down to lose their confidence if a man trashes their name by putting them out there as a skank. It gives them a great sense of power.

I can’t speak for anyone else personally on this matter although i know i’m not the only woman who feels this way since there are such a wide variety of people in our world, but no man or woman could ever lower or make me completely lose my self-confidence by using sexual gestures that are considered offensive in this society.

I am a human being who doesn’t go along with the many brainwashing and beliefs of what is suppose to maintain and lower a woman’s worth.

I don’t think that it is right for a woman to sleep around with many other people if she loves herself. The body is one’s temple and one should want to keep it very healthy and clean.

At the same time i do not believe that a woman who sleeps around lowers her value. I just believe it means that she does not value herself!

Reflections On Certain Parts Of My Life

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In My Own Words By Miss LaToya Lawrence

My Past, My Present, My Future

( I’m A Sweet Child Of The Caul, One Born With The Great Veil )

I can’t run from who i am. And i don’t want to. I was born with a caul, bestowing to me the gifts and powers of “Knowing” and “Healing” along with many connections to the spirit world.

I am reminded every day of my birthright as my personal spirit guides, guardians and informers envelope me with great spirituality.

It is no amazement to me how i am unaffected and undisturbed by things here in the world that are considered hurtful and distressful to many. My mind does not entertain what it deems as “bullshit”. And what is bullshit in my opinion may not be the same bullshit to others, yet that is what makes me so special and unique-My way of thinking, living and being.

I am very unusual and very proud to not be normal. I am a genuine individual.

My mind thinks ahead, my eyes see beyond, my mouth speaks the truth, my body interacts with energies and my spirit feels the weight of the world. One may wonder how i am able to bare such beauty, power and burden with such ease, grace and longevity. And i’d simply acknowledge that i am concurrently and consistently sustained by the natural forces of the universe that are aligned with me.

Some may think that i talk a lot of shit. But i am all the “shit” that i talk-and, with no apologies. I am a old soul in a fairly young body speaking my wisdom and truths as i know it to be.

 My Temporary Trial In The Past

My Nature Making It’s Way ( And It Feels So Natural )

When my nature calls out to me, i scream out inside. And i beg for it to “Please Come Get Me!” “Please Take Me!” And my thoughts scream “I Love You!”

It is so desperately drawing me near to my destiny but something is caught in between trying to keep us apart. I know it’s the evil and negativity of this world that doesn’t want my nature to flow. It would rather have me live what this world considers to be normal. Innately, what is natural to most is very unnatural to me. It is totally foreign. I refuse to be lead by the world. This place will never claim me. I’d rather perish.

My nature tells me certain things to do that is infinite to the state of my well-being until the day we make our ultimate connection.

My nature is my real mother, my real family who let this world borrow me for the time being-all the while not leaving me without my true natural state of heart and mind. I am not influenced by this sick place called “The World”. I can and will not be deterred from the absolute woman that i am and, i definitely mean at no cost!

Negativity makes me want to vomit. Positivity makes me want to holler. I am caught up in the rapture of my natural beauty, knowledge and creativity and there in the bosom of my destiny is where i forever want to be.

I can handle anything this world puts out because i am carried in the wings of my spiritual mother and family as they shield and guide me with wisdom and strength.

My spirits grip tightly around my brain, loving me and keeping me grounded in my nature. They are my sisters watching over me-i am one of the babies in our family.

My nature’s force to take me gets stronger and stronger and i continue to welcome it because i always pull further and further away from a place here that does not at all suit me. I have already made a ultimate connection with certain powers but i still yearn for the arms of my natural mother to wrap around me so that i may begin to live more abundantly in spirit the way i was inevitably meant to be.

I already have the privileges of not worrying and fearing so where there may be minor blockages my nature cannot and will not be denied. What is suppose to happen eventually has to come to be one way or another in my case. There is no other way. It is so natural.

My nature calling to come get what belongs to it.

Again, i have to say that i want to scream! I want to scream out in excitement. I feel the love that my nature has for me and we will fight until the end for one another and, we will win. There is no doubt. My anticipation is overwhelming with wonderful passion.

 My Future

Living In The Light ( I Live My Life Right )

My mind thinks up high as i ride on my spiritual plane. Sometimes i look down, and can’t imagine taking steps on a dirty ground. I wouldn’t know how to walk. I keep my feet in the air, enjoying the great winds that keep me afloat. My eyes steady seeing through each cloud. No longer a mist but a view in the sky.

I watch my stars as they begin to open and rise. Then i discover a revelation that comes to me as no surprise. Determining my pathways, my reasons, my whys. I have a lot of knowledge do to my nature and much experience. I also have a lot of strength that was gained through my nature and by my experience.

All throughout my years i have survived in such a way. Never desiring to go astray, as i gracefully made it day to day.

I did not choose to be this way. This way chose to be in me. And it is so innate for me to not want to do what is considered to be “What’s In”.

I’m a sophisticated lady who is living in the light. Certain kinds consider me to not have a life-not because i don’t-but because i live my life right.

A Revelation

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All of my life i have been able to sense and see through people. There have also and always been those in particular who i have detested. No one is going to like or get along with everybody no matter what walk of life one comes from. The hatred that i have for those who i speak of goes deeper in the eye than what most if any are able to see. What is felt is not so much a part of my innate human tendency of being snooty but more of a divine awareness of what is here and subordinate.

Some looking at particular people with the “Human Eye”, and who are conscious of what they show, may see a sight they would clearly determine as undesirables and etc. When looking through with the “Third Eye”, however, the sight goes much deeper. They are then identified more in depth.  And they “Indeed” are “The Wicked”, the devil’s children. I’ve seen it in their appearance and have sensed it in their body language. I have also seen these particular people after death in spirit form-confirming the mark made to me of those who are here on earth.

They are very recognizable. Radar picks up on them instantly, alerting, verifying and sending warning of them. When i view them in person or if the thought of them comes into mind due to visions i see their presence literally makes me want to vomit. I keep clear away from these people as much as possible. And I don’t want any parts of them in my life if i can help it.  Understandably, my reasons are of course not defined as “Fear” since these particular kinds are absolutely nothing to fear even though many of them want to intimidate others out of their own insecurities. Nevertheless, it has everything to do with negativity, and negative energies they continually carry within and without, and which can be detected and rejected. They are all an abomination. A reproach.

( These Particular People Are Warp-Minded. They Act Out In Illogical Ways. Reason Cannot Be Explained To Sick Individuals. I As A Human Being With Strong Spiritual Inclination Would Never Want Their Essence Up In Me, Outward Of Me, Or Around Me. Their Absences Brings About Peace, Happiness And Cleanliness To The Mind, Body, Spirit And Path )

A Message To My Readers Regarding My Previous One Hundred And Twenty-Four Posts

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I use to blog at blogsource.com they said they would shut down their site in June of  this year but the site was still available just not active so i added all of my posts from between when i first started in late January of 2006 up until May of 2007.The name of my popular blog was Titled “My Voice” by Miss LaToya Lawrence: My Voice is all about my creativity, and issues relating to society. Everybody may not agree or like what i say but i don’t care because i speak the truth and that’s all what’s important.

(We regret to inform you that on September 8th, 2007, BlogSource will be shutting down. Please copy your blog posts and links to your computer or another blog site before that date as they will be lost and unavailable to you from BlogSource. We sincerely apologize for any inconvenience this may cause. We would like to thank everyone who has participated and wish you much success in the future. )

BlogSource

Rituals

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Sunday, April 15, 2007 at 11:34 AM EDT

This past Christmas eve when i was working at J.C. Penny’s a guy approached me. I’d never seen him before. I ignored him of course because i did not want to be bothered.

Not too long after and later that night when i got home i could feel him beginning to enter into my mind. I have very keen senses. My brain is like radar. I knew before he approached that something was up just like i do with everyone else.

Whenever a man is interested in me, out to do me harm, and etc. they stay inside my head for as long as their feelings towards me last. I feel their thoughts and emotions and i pick up things going on within their lives. People have no clue how Divine Spirit has gifted me.

This particular guy has been in my mind for three months and some change.

About a month after he first entered into my head i dreamed that he was still conscious of me but seeing another girl. Obviously there was nothing serious going on with him and her because i’ve been picking up on him very strongly all of this time.

On a Friday, the 30th of march, i heard his voice as i woke up from my sleep in the morning. His exact words were “I’m gonna fight for the woman i want”. Later that day i went to pick up my check from J.C. Penny’s and on my way back from cashing it out there in Garden City i think i may have saw him, i wasn’t too sure of that until the following palm Sunday.

On palm Sunday, the 1st of April, i was at home lying in my bed receiving a few messages and seeing a few visions when one particular vision of this guy appeared to me as the occurrence was actually taking place at that point in time.

In my vision i saw him around this man who may deal with the Islamic faith because the man communicated with me through telepathic means. He spoke to me in my thoughts and i responded to him and he mentioned Allah which is the name of God among Muslims.

Anyway, my deranged admirer stayed around this man while he performed a love ritual on me. I could see, hear, and feel everything that went on. This guy even had the nerve to inquire if i’d ever been intimate with some guy that i won’t mention because i never had feelings for anybody. He’s all in my business!

This past Easter Sunday on the 8th of April i received another vision of this guy.

He was nervous and worried. I’m not going to go into detail about what was causing his anxiety though. However, i will divulge this-he is still working his ritual. It is still in process right now. He did a marriage ritual and a ritual for me to have his children. I’ve been feeling his shit. It seems that he does certain rituals on Sundays and Wednesdays. He is also trying to take away my “energy”. He wants to make me weak and draw me to him.

There is absolutely no doubt that i don’t like the way the God of the bible created things, the way he sometimes goes about things (he works too slow for me) but i don’t believe in him and his power and there are many things i don’t like about him due to what i know and experienced here on earth (the things that he lets go on) i am one of the very special children ( born with a caul) Divine Spirit has my back.

He is in control and he will continue to work things out in his own way during his own “time”. My third eye and my spirits show and communicate with me to let me know the outcomes of my situations and they always turn out in my favor.

Almost a month ago now someone tried to harm me spiritually and it backfired right in her face. Soon after the incident the Lord of the bible came to me in my thoughts and told me to come to him for anything and that he is my source of protection, however, i did not accept his offer he turns me off.

I preferred the powers of my Ancestors and Orishas.

So whatever this particular guy is trying to do to me i guarantee that it will not work. It will all blow up in his face. Somebody told me that i should be flattered about what he is doing. To me it is never flattering for someone to try to control the will of another no matter what the motive may be.

Love and affection should come naturally and i am not the pathetic type to get off on somebody wanting me that bad regardless of the intentions.

Whenever negative Obeah, Santeria, Yoruba, Voodoo or whatever you want to call it is being worked and in affect, it is very unnatural and unhealthy. It is all black magic and i will continue to be protected by my spirituality.

I can’t wait to see how all of this is going to play out since i have the power to convert negative energy into positive energy.

( All Of The Voodoo In The World Could Never Make Me Desire A Man )

Strength, Power

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Monday, April 02, 2007 at 11:21 AM EDT

You know, things are really looking up for me. I am getting ready to start a new career already! It will begin in a short time. I never worry about my future because i have always been able to see into the future. I’ve been looking to start something new for quite a while now. I get bored very quick. When something doesn’t hold my interest i have to move on to things that better suit me.

A door has closed in my life and a new door has opened and it is very exciting. I am anticipating this new part of my life that is on it’s way. I played a part in my life taking another new start.

The way that i feel is if i want a change i have to be the one to take charge and i absolutely have the power to do so spiritually and, nothing is able to stop me. I am a fighter, a survivor.

I’ve always been a very strong person who is not afraid of too much. And i haven’t been afraid to go about things in my own way and i realize that i am pushing forward more now in a way that is going full forward in my favor.

I’m feeling great bursts of positive energy. I’m feeling extreme confidence. I am very smart, strong and pretty. And, i think that i am more crazier now than ever.

I’ve always felt this good about myself but my feelings are heightened.

I found a greater method in developing and maintaining my spirituality. I had to build a new foundation. And all negative influences that are around me are becoming even more and more irrelevant.

Things are indeed still going on but it has nothing to do with me. It is about me yet it is all in my enemies (and those who don’t know any better) heads.

They are living in a world that i am not in. I’m here, i’ll just never adapt to the things that are not befitting to me so i stay in my real world that i belong in. I am in the world but not of it.

Aside from having the ability to handle adversity the way that i can sometimes i wonder if it is good to be too strong, not caring about things like what people say, think and feel. And not getting embarrassed and worrying about what is going to go down in life. I’ve always been that way and it can be bad because i have hurt people with my careless ways and attitude. I don’t dwell on the thought, though.

I am who i am naturally, and i can’t change.

Even if being too strong is not a good thing i still have my benefits because some can’t see me for who i really am. Some think i’m sweet and innocent. I am a good person but i am not as sweet as they think. And i’m innocent as far as never being lustful, in love before or damaged by anyone, and i don’t have no dirt on me, but that is about it.

Right now, i am getting very acquainted with this enhanced spiritual power that i have received. It is getting distinctly familiar with me and i am getting distinctly familiar with it and we are becoming ultimately unified.

( A Strong Faith Sees The Invisible. Believes The Impossible. And Receives The Incredible ) – A quote!

 

Marked For Death

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Monday, March 26, 2007 at 1:18 PM EDT

  •  Yes, i am a human being. But i am not one of the average human beings walking around here on earth. Anybody just by looking at me may not know that and i don’t care, however, some should atleast be aware that there are a lot of certain and serious things going on here in the world and should be a little more up on it and stop taking what they consider usual for granted.

    This past saturday a very unattractive and unintelligent woman approached me at my store with a girl she said was her daughter. The woman got mad because she wasn’t intelligent enough to comprehend what she asked me about an article of merchandise. She called me a asshole, which easily could be ignored. But then she threatened me, talking all about what she would do to me.

 

  • I could have easily ignored that too. I’m kind of hot-tempered at times and what tipped me off the scale with this piece of trash was the arrogance that she had like she could have everything in the bag. Then she went as far as putting her hand in my face. That really did it. She went and really performed in the store and her young daughter had the nerve to tell me that i didn’t know what i was doing when i threatened her mother back.

 

  • They may believe that everything worked out in their favor. I’ll tell you, they are very naive. Things are not at all what they seem. What they did is borrowed a little time for me.I am a child of the caul. A lot of people don’t know what some people like me are really about and what we are capable of doing. I’m very powerful. I wake up feeling the spiritual power that i have. Every time my spirits reveal something to me it “always” happens without a doubt.

 

  • That woman is in trouble. In five days from this past saturday she is liable to have either a stroke or heart-attack. And there after her days will be numbered. She called me a lunatic for not fearing her or what she thought she had the upper hand in pulling at my job, now she’ll see who’s really in control because her fate right now is in my hands.

 

  • She angered the spirits that are around me and they will make sure that i have the things that i need and want. Certain people are just going to have to learn the hard way that i am not one to be fucked with, especially when i am not bothering anyone.