Proud To Be Asexual/The Liberating Truth About My Asexuality

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1037736-200I was a very cute little girl growing up. And young males were always attracted to me. Always bothering me.

Whereas I found the behavior of the opposite sex quite annoying most females would have enjoyed the attention.

When I was coming up in the 1980’s many of the children living around me within my neighborhood were having sex at a very early age.

One of the youngest girls that I knew of at the time was about the age of eight. The boy whom she had had sexual relations with was at the age of either ten, or eleven.

They both lived on the same street that I was living on. Neither one of their parents were good examples of what a mother or father should have been.

Anything of a sexual nature was the last thing that had ever crossed into my mind. I was a very content child, enjoying my life, playing with my barbie dolls, and loving the puppy that I had.

I had a very good mother who took care of me and who had gave me her undivided love and attention. I never went out looking for love, affection, or attention. I did not have to. I was a very secure young person.

If I did lack the love and attention that every child should have, and that every child deserves from their parent. I definitely would not have searched for it by spreading my legs to any young or old man who had acquired to come along. That would have just been totally absurd in my opinion.

As I was getting older and reaching into my late teenage years I had still found the amorous behavior of the males to be annoying. All that I knew was that I was not at the least bit attracted or interested in any one of them and just wished that they would all go away and leave me alone.

I had known ever since the age of fifteen that I was asexual. And I was very proud and in no way ashamed. To me being asexual was just as normal and natural as breathing. I did not know anything else.

I did not have any desire to have intercourse with a guy. I did not even want to kiss one.

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There were people around me at the time who had never heard of the term “asexual”. When I’d tell certain people that I wasn’t interested in males they’d immediately speculate or assume that something negative had to have happened within my life.

That maybe I had experienced a bad relationship. Or had seen other people experience bad romantic relationships. Neither one of the conclusions that were drawn were anywhere near the truth.

Another huge misconception that certain people had about me was thinking that they could “change” or “repair” me. Repair what? There was nothing about me that was wrong or broken. If anything, I was very well put together, and perfect.

I could not understand why people would make such a big deal when it came to their romantic encounters, the attractions that they had for other people, and the way that they were just ready to jump into relationships with people that they had crushes on.

While many around me were coupled off I always remained happily single. I use to get so sick and tired of hearing what was going on with this one and that one’s boyfriend or girlfriend. I did not want to listen to that crap. I was not involved in all of that crazy and ridiculous drama. So why should I have gotten myself into the middle of it?

I could have cared less about who was cheating on who. And what so and so went an did, and why. I mean please, these people needed to get a real life. I know that I had one. A life that was not full of a bunch of ignorant nonsense.

As an asexual person myself I do not ,however, represent the attitudes that every or all asexuals have. I would never generalize anyone because we are all very different and have our own unique personalities, preferences, and views.

Nevertheless, us asexuals all do have a common trait. We lack a sexual interest and attraction to other people, regardless of what the sex is of the other person. Asexuality is not a form of lesbianism, homosexuality or bisexuality. Asexual means “without” sexuality.

I personally never understood why a woman would want to let a man stick his genitals up inside of her. It is the most undesirable and unnatural thing for me to process.

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I know that most heterosexual and sexually active people would consider my attitude and way of thinking to be strange and insane, especially since sexual intercourse was naturally designed for a man and a woman by their God.

Religion does not at all in any way play a part in my asexuality. In fact, I am into my Yoruban (African) ancestral and orisha worship-but that is another story.

My spirituality itself does innately support what and who I am though. My asexuality is one of the biggest parts of my identity. An identity that my spirituality and I embrace wholeheartedly. The foundation of my spirituality is based on truth, knowledge, love, and respect.

If one does not truly love, respect, and know them self there is no strength nor purpose deeply rooted within them.

I am liberated through my asexuality and my spirituality. The two most beautiful things about my life. I believe in self expression and honesty. In one being true, and true to one self.

Asexual people range in a wide variety because each individual has their own experience. And what some people consider and identify as being asexual also ranges widely.

Even though most asexuals do not seek out sexual relationships many of them are looking for companionship.

Intimacy is not always about intercourse. Some asexuals just want to have a close, loving, and sexless relationship that focuses on a romantic friendship. Doing everything that a girlfriend and boyfriend would do except have sex. Sharing one another’s interest. Having children together, and so on.

Some asexual people will have sexual intercourse with their/or a partner if they want to please them or if they want to have children. It all depends on the situation and circumstances.

There are some asexuals who claimed that they have had sexual interests and had been in sexual relationships at one time in their life.

Then you have the ones who are like me who have never had any sexual interest, feelings, or attraction for the opposite sex.

I did consider wanting to have a child at one time. During my teenage years I didn’t really want to have a baby in my adult years. However, I said if I did, I would go to a sperm bank if I could afford to-or I would just find a man who was interested in me and just use him for his sperm then I’d go about my business.

When I actually did become an adult I changed my mind about having children. I decided that I was ready and would attempt to conceive a child. Nevertheless, it did not work out as I had planned, and the outcome definitely turned out for the best.

I could not afford the sperm bank at that particular time in my life. And the males that were around me were not worth anything. They were not attractive mentally or physically. They were undesirable. So I definitely did not want or need a child running around here on this earth that would constantly remind me of anyone of them.

Now I am thirty seven years of age and again i’ve changed my mind. I absolutely do not want any children. I am very happy the way that I am. I did not need a child or two to make my life complete or anything that would refer to that category.

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The thought of children, having my own daughters, was a natural female desire. After all, when us female babies come into the world we’re already born with the billions of eggs that are supplied to us for reproduction purpose.

And that is also why we ovulate to prepare us for a possible conception. Then we bleed (get our menstrual cycles) to dispense of an unfertilized egg so we can again be ready to prepare for another possible pregnancy.

So there is no need for me to explain any of my reasons. For a woman to want to have a child is completely natural. Far more natural than so called copulation.

If I wanted to have a baby out of wedlock and without a man in the child’s life-that would have been my prerogative. And I have no apologies.

As an asexual human being living on the planet life for me is grand. I would not have my life arranged in any other way.

The only thing truly missing right now within my life is a couple of pets. I’ve always loved and had a puppy or dog living with me at one point or another. I am working on getting three puppies to share my home with for the future. And they will all be my three babies.

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9 responses »

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  8. On the Hub Proud To Be Asexual:

    jpcmc 47 hours ago from Quezon CIty, Phlippines Level 7 Commenter

    This is a very interesting read. What’s wonderful about this is that you already know who you are and what you want. Not many people have this gift. Good luck and enjoy life they way you see it fit.

    Jeannieinabottle 36 hours ago from Baltimore, MD Level 7 Commenter

    This is so interesting. I think people do make a lot of assumptions about someone that is asexual, so it is great that you shared your story. Voted up and shared!

    carol7777 36 hours ago from Arizona Level 8 Commenter

    It is such a good thing that you are comfortable with who you are.

    LaToyaLawrence 36 hours ago from New York Hub Author

    To Jpcmc:

    It is very important for anyone to know exactly who they are and not to be ashamed. And most importantly, not to be afraid and not afraid to express themselves.

    LaToyaLawrence 36 hours ago from New York Hub Author

    To Jennieinabottle:

    I think that the correct education and information on any particular subject is very important. And what better is there than when it comes from people or a person who knows first hand.

    I speak the truth from experience and I felt the need to share and get the absolute truth out there. Ignorance does nothing but cause confusion, misunderstanding, and sometimes violence.

    Asexuals need to love, embrace, and be proud of who they are. There is absolutely nothing wrong with being non sexual in a highly sexual society.

    There should be room for everybody. And asexuals should not be criticized or looked upon as if they have some kind of defect or psychological problem.

    We are natural, healthy human beings who are just not interested in sexual intercourse. And that goes for sexual attraction and sexual relationships.

    Thank you for sharing.

    LaToyaLawrence 36 hours ago from New York Hub Author

    To Carol 7777:

    Yes, I am very comfortable with who I am. I truly feel liberated as a human being.

    onegreenparachute 36 hours ago from Greenwood, B.C., Canada Level 3 Commenter

    This was very interesting and I applaud your honesty. It sounds like having a loving parent made it easy for you to both understand and accept yourself as the perfect being you are. Thanks for a great hub.

    DanaTeresa 35 hours ago from Upstate New York Level 7 Commenter

    I commend your courage for putting yourself out there with this very personal look at your life and asexuality. This reminds me a little of a friend of mine. She desperately wants a romantic relationship and children, but she has absolutely no interest in sex. I cannot tell if she is asexual or if she experienced some sort of trauma that she wont tell me about. She is more than disinerested – she seems afraid of sex and men. Regardless, as her friends I respect her feelings. I do not know much about asexuality. You have encouraged me to learn more. I guess I would consider myself hypersexual, but I can relate to one thing you say – growing up I never felt the need to have a baby. I have amazing maternal instincts, anyone will tell you that. But child bearing never interseted me.

    Thankyou for an very interesting story. vited up and of course i will share!

    LaToyaLawrence 35 hours ago from New York Hub Author

    To onegreenparachute:

    Yes, my mother was good to me and never ever tried to push or discourage me from anything.

    The funny thing is that my mother had never heard of the term asexual. She knew that I was not interested in men or woman but she did not know that there was a name for it.

    My mother is glad that I am the way I am. She is very proud of me and in everything that I do. We have a very good relationship. I am her only child.

    LaToyaLawrence 35 hours ago from New York Hub Author

    DanaTeresa:

    Thank you for sharing your story. It is also enlightening to me to hear the experiences of others.

    And you are right, childbearing is just not for everyone. Nevertheless, that natural maternal instinct is still there. I can very much relate to that.

    Alecia Murphy 31 hours ago from Wilmington, North Carolina Level 7 Commenter

    I don’t know anything about asexuality compared to other forms of sexuality. But I agree that it’s good that you know who you are and what you want out of your relationships. And I think for anyone who is interested in learning more they should definitely read this hub. Great job!

    James-wolve 30 hours ago from Morocco Level 6 Commenter

    Great hub, and welcome! I’m glad to see asexuality being represented here.You are very brave,sincere and convincing.One other thing to add here is I think it s also important to recognize that there are plenty of older asexual people out there. It’s just that older people are less likely to find the community because they’re less likely to spend a lot of time on the internet. And they re hidden behind their online aliases when they do, so unless they specifically point out their age, you wouldn’t know how old they are.

    I have a question:Is asexuality a celibacy ?

    Escobana 29 hours ago from Valencia Level 5 Commenter

    Beautiful Hub about a topic I had never read about before!

    Asexual is a word I would explain the wrong way, if I hadn’t read your Hub. And I am in awe really! The life you live is totally the opposite of my way of life.

    I embrace casual sex with strangers, I adore exploring my personal preferences when choosing a man or a woman and I can’t imagine the world without having passionate sex, once in a while.

    We do have important aspects in common with each other…we are comfortable with who we are and we feel no shame nor do we feel the need to explain ourselves.

    This was a great and interesting Hub to read!

    Voted up, shared and awesome:-)

    LaToyaLawrence 29 hours ago from New York Hub Author

    Alecia Murphy:

    Yes, it is good to have a genuine and solid identity with oneself. Thank you for the recommendation of my article.

    LaToyaLawrence 29 hours ago from New York Hub Author

    To James-wolve:

    Thank you for the welcome. I enjoy writing at this place so far.

    You are so right. Maybe if the older crowd had of came out at an earlier time there would have been more awareness and open mindedness regarding the subject.

    And yes, to some asexuals asexuality is a celibacy. That was a really good question!

    LaToyaLawrence 28 hours ago from New York Hub Author

    Escobana:

    I honestly think that it is wonderful that you are so strong the way that you are and that you are not afraid to be yourself and do what you truly want in life.

    That is the entire point of my article as well as other important factors.

    No matter what walk of life one comes from enjoy and be happy with who you are and what you are about.

    CR Rookwood 28 hours ago from Moonlight Maine Level 5 Commenter

    I really appreciate this, and you explained it so beautifully. I get so tired of this notion that everyone has to be hyper-interested in sex or else there must be something wrong with them. I’ll be 60 next month, and sex is WAY down my list at this point in my life. Yes I know you can buy creams and drugs and so forth to help you to have sex until you are 100 but I just don’t feel the need, and my husband is kind of in the same place. It isn’t the all-consuming thing it once was and I have no problem with that. Hope you find those pets though. They can be such a joy. All the best to you.

    BethDW 25 hours ago from Guelph, ON Level 2 Commenter

    Very interesting article. But at times it felt a bit hostile… just as you don’t appreciate people making assumptions that there must be some past trauma triggering your asexuality, please don’t assume that people who are very sexually active have had bad parents, or are reacting to some kind of emotional void. Some people just like sex, and there is no shame in that. We should be respectful of all sexual identities.

    LaToyaLawrence 12 hours ago from New York Hub Author

    BethDW:

    I do not make ignorant assumptions. If you read correctly you’d see that I was referring to a particular incident about very young children having sex. I do not care what anyone says. Children at the age of eight should not be having sex.

    Parents cannot be watching their children at all times, however, and although it happens because children will experiment especially if they have seen it.

    Nevertheless, when I speak on matters I am talking about what I know. Never did I ever say one thing goes for all. There are people who are exactly the way that I have described. So there was no need for you to take my words out of context.

    I do not care about who or how many people like or want to have sex. I do not have anything to do with that. Everyone is their own individual and people do things for different reasons.

    Escobana 12 hours ago from Valencia Level 5 Commenter

    BethDW,

    This is what I felt too in the Hub. I did have a troubled childhood and I did mix up sex with love at the age of 14. I know what you mean about the tone in this Hub.

    However my comment on this Hub before, made me feel good about the fact that LaToya understands my way of life, even though she is asexual.

    I LOVE sex for the fact that it made me understand everything about my sexuality. Far later in life it turned me into a very happy and conscious woman.

    Still I understand what you mean about the tone of the Hub. I think it’s written from a certain feeling of passion, making it sound a little hostile at certain moments.

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