I had along down the line become angry with God for reasons of my own. I was so convinced of his evilness, twistedness and unfairness. I had developed the impression of the Lord being a harsh and unreasonable strict father who was fixated on being obeyed and on un-repented sins eager and ready to condemn and discipline with an angry vengeance at the crack of a whip.
Nevertheless, and to make a long story short, God was able to get my attention some months back. No one else could do it but him himself along with the influence of my mother’s faith and wisdom that I had grown up with.
The moment the Lord gained my full attention I was instantly ready and willing to yield to him.
Prior to feeling resentment toward the Lord, I had a good history with him. One that had brought a faith of my own that could never be denied and because of this faith through many incredible experiences I knew that I could put my trust in him again just like that.
God allowed and invited me to get to know him within a way that I never knew or understood about him before. He cared enough about me to reveal the truth of who he really is so that I would have the fair opportunity to realize his truth and to get into a deeper personal relationship with him. A relationship stronger and more intimate than years ago before.
What I noticed also is that God didn’t at all punish me during the entire time I distanced myself from him. He never left me and he kept on protecting me and looking after me regardless. He extended his grace and mercy on me.
The Lord’s actions reminded me of Paul in 1 Timothy 1:13 when he said, “Even though I used to blaspheme the name of Christ. In my insolence, I persecuted his people. But God had mercy on me because I did it in ignorance and unbelief”.
When I read that passage it had spoken to me. God knew my heart. Even though I was wrong in my thoughts and actions toward him nothing was done out of cruel intent or spite it was out of my own eventual ignorance and unbelief in his goodness that resulted after years of going through trials and tribulations.
My error was instead of focusing primarily on the unwanted trials and tribulations that we all go through I should have focused on how God had always successfully brought me through and out of them.
If one is truly a child of God; they will always belong to him. God has always shown favor upon my mother and I.
God has truly been extremely good to me and he is continuing to bestow upon me his mercy and grace (The Lord has been so kind and compassionate) and I will spend the rest of my days living my life for Jesus and glorifying God through his holy spirit and cooperating with his word to the best of my ability.