A lot of people hold back on things on account of the fears that they may have. Fear of what people would think, fear of being misjudged, fear of criticism, fear of ridicule, fear of rejection, fear of controversy and so on.
And some just keep quiet because they feel that some things are just better left unsaid.
There are always going to be those who misinterpret, perceive ignorant notions, and continue to make wrong accusations against what they disagree with or against what they do not comprehend/understand.
In some of my posts I have mentioned “my love and light”. And I just bet that there were some who thought that I was referring to “god” the god of the bible (Jehovah, Yahweh or whatever you want to call him) but however I was not.
God is definitely not my love and light. And I have never ever claimed to be any soldier of his army.
Yes I indeed was born with the gift of second-sight. I am extremely sensitive. I have a power within me to write that is led by spirit and many other special spiritual abilities, yet that does not make me a person who walks with god.
In true fact, I genuinely hate god. I hate him with everything that is within me and I am very proud of that. As far as I am concerned god is a very sick, evil, demented and demonic spirit force that many are blinded by.
Whoever deals with me will get the straight up truth about how I feel and what I am about. I do not hide behind lies out of fear. It makes me feel good to be able to speak the truth, it sometimes even screams to come out because it needs to be heard and acknowledged.
Am I a bad person since I detest god so much, absolutely not. It is the exact opposite! When I was a little girl I often wondered where did god come from. Who created him and how did he come into existence. And what makes him the ultimate authority figure?
I’ve read the bible, what was so drastically wrong with eve eating an apple- the forbidden fruit-from the tree of knowledge. What was wrong with her eyes being opened to awareness/knowledge/perception?
So what, she disobeyed god. What were his motives for wanting her to stay ignorant? Control I say. Just like the way of the world still is today. Then threatening and punishment for not listening to the bullshit instructions on a life that may not be befitting to all even if it is just in concern for the very minority.
I’ve noticed that a lot of people who claim to be deeply or overly religious have a lot of skeletons in their closets. Sometimes they’ll hit rock bottom, get scared, then they run to “god” and hide behind the church in an attempt to gain “redemption”.
It even seems that god shows a favoritism toward these kinds. I can understand that though because I have absolute favoritism for what is of my kind/class/nature too.
Some of these people make me sick with their false sense of justification! They will come across a person who never did any of the dirt that they have done then have the nerve and audacity to make them appear like they are the ones who are the worse thing in the world. That is a result of sickness mixed in with guilt and jealousy over the other person’s character.
What made them turn into the person that they were in the first place? Oh, “sin” of course.
Well, I never truly trusted in god and I do not agree with his scriptures. And I never messed up my life in any way. Just look at how the world is so sex crazed. “Be fruitful and multiply”, god said. “A woman and a man become one flesh after sexual intercourse/marriage” supposedly-whatever.
I honestly think that the sexual union between a man and a woman is one of the most ugliest and sickest things that are in existence and I never did and-do not want any part of it.
I don’t care what the rest of the world does but god’s plans do not apply to me.
As a teenager and as an adult I was never sexually active. A lot of people just assumed I had high morals or that it had to do with my religious beliefs. None of that was true. Yes, I’ve always highly respected myself, however, that was indeed not the reason that I did not want to have sex.
Number one, I was never attracted to men. The penis is a very big turn off in every way to me. Number two, I love my body and the thought of a man’s penis banging up against my precious insides then spurting out his nasty body fluids to mix in with mine was another complete turn off.
The only beautiful thing that I read in the bible was about marry conceiving a child without the aid of a man. And I deeply wish that could have been the normal way of life for reproduction purposes.
The very first time I ever indulged in the sexual act was at the age of twenty-four, and the last time was at the age of twenty four! It was a one time and never again thing.
I never would have done it to begin with if I had the money to go to a sperm bank at the time. I wanted to conceive a child and it didn’t work out and it was all for the best. I don’t really want a child by somebody that I would have to go to bed with. Especially someone I did not desire in any way, form or fashion.
If I was to conceive a child it will be done because I truly want her and not out of any unnatural sexual lust or desire.
I was proud of myself for not having no sexual attachment, no sexual feeling, and no emotion when I did the act. I did not feel any pleasure nor any pain. I did not feel anything mentally or physically.
And I had absolutely no respect for the guy I was with. It was a ridiculous act, one that made no sense. And it really made me wonder what was wrong with the rest of the world and god. Sex is not sacred to me, sex is sick!
I’ve been through numerous deep “spiritual experiences” since childhood. I’ve had evil witchcraft spirits removed/extracted from my body. I’ve had spirits go through me-come in/leave out. And god himself was the demonic force behind the “brujeria” that I went through in the past-and the brujeria that has tried to be sent back to me during a many failed attempts.
I know this for a fact. I saw it through my own eyes. I bet there are many who don’t know that and many who would not believe it because they think god is so good. But I know, I experienced it, and I know who Satan “really” is. And I am glad to know the truth. No one has a clue of the things/realities that I feel, hear, know, and see.
A lot of people believe that “god” has the strongest power. I do not because if he did he would have been able to destroy me a long time ago through his evil followers. I told this neighbor of mine years ago that I felt that god was sick. And she got highly excited and upset with me.
“God is not sick”, she said raising her voice. “Don’t you know that god can suck the life out of you?!”
“So why hasn’t he?” I said to myself.
Some time after our disagreement this woman developed medical problems and was put on oxygen. She got one of her legs cut off from gangrene that was associated with diabetes, caught dementia and then eventually died. So who got the life sucked out of whom?
It may sound harsh but she talked that shit to me just for expressing what I felt and look what happened to her. I don’t go around knocking anyone or telling them what will happen to them just because they do not agree with what I do or do not believe in.
Some people seriously need to check themselves. It is one thing to have a belief/opinion and another to try to force something onto someone. It just doesn’t work that way. There definitely is a powerful force/forces other than “god”. And that is fact.
What the bible considers or/and refers to as devil worship is my “love and light”. Now of course, I know better-that it is not actually the true worship of demons even though demons do disguise themselves in many different forms and fashions. And I could just as easily say that most are being deceived by god as god to me is what Satan is to the Christians.
There is so much that I could express, debate with, and so on, however there is so much that I am able to put in a post.
For the most part though, I am surrounded by peace, happiness, and truth. I feel free, secure, and strong. I am my self, my true self, all of the things that my love and light allows me to be.
My love and light gives me pleasure. God always made me feel miserable. My love and light wants me to be who I am. God wants me to be who he wants me to be-someone who is not my self.
God has continuously tried to fight for my identity to overtake my spirit and it is a battle that he will never win. That crap about giving us all free will is a lie. I know for me as a spiritual person with strong sensitivities and wisdom that he wants me to yield and lean towards his own structural program.
I never loved god. I do not like his style. I do not like his certain creations. I’d rather not have life than to live under any influences of his. My mind is something that he will never get inside of to brainwash and control.
Every thing that I feel is completely of my own. No one has ever been able to coerce me and no one has put anything into my head. I came to know what I know naturally and honestly and I am absolutely proud. I am a grown woman!
I love my ancestors and orishas-my spiritual connections/the universe-and all of my positive spiritual energies. I am a very good person who has lead a very good life. A good life that “god” cannot take any credit for!
I have gone through so much in this life on account of sick negativity and negative people and I was still the one to come out untouched and unaffected. And I owe that all to my strong spirit along with my “loves and lights” that have always shined upon me with the most ultimate of care.
Our bonds are so tremendously strong and our loyalties are so immensely tight that if the tables were turned “id rather burn in a hell with what I love and respect than to abide in a so called heaven with a god that I loathe and despise. Perhaps the day will come when god will exist no more (that would be something for me to look forward to-wishful thinking!)
I do not at all fear going to a place of eternal torment. Torment for me would be spending eternity with god. A place in where I do not want to be. God is the hellfire. Many get a taste of his hell right here on earth-yet they still foolishly praise him and glorify him, to each their own.
I definitely do not care what anyone thinks or says about me, I never did. I do however get highly insulted if or when someone tries or wants to connect me in any way with their god of the bible. His scriptures, will, and so called authority has no bearing on me. I have no regard for him whatsoever and he is not above me. He is nothing but shit!
Saturday, February 11, 2006 at 8:46 AM EST
Some people in the church are the worst people out there. They use their God as a cover, to hide what they really are. Some feel that everybody has skeletons in their closet and that nobody is a saint because everyone has done something wrong and made mistakes in life. But there is a difference between being unscrupulous and making honest mistakes. And everybody who has done something bad is not innately a bad person.
People often have their own interpretations of what is right or wrong and judge others by their own standards. What i’ve observed though, is that people who are too religious and act overly self-righteous have serious issues with themselves. They’ve done things in life that they can’t handle and tend to put their own insecurities on others to mask what they regret.
Sometimes what they see in another person is just a reminder of what they could have been. There is just as much gossip and dirt going on in some churches as there is anywhere else in the world. Some people just go to church for a fashion show, dressing to impress. Some go to church to meet a man. And some just keep putting on airs. Going to church doesn’t prove that one is a good person. You can have church in your own home. Having your God or deity in your heart is what truly matters.