Our minds are a place where we store and collect. Where we deliberate and rationalize.
It is also a place where impressions materialize.
Reminders of events depicted within visionary, auditory or conceptual representation.
Our reflection of memories.
Indelibly painted imprints and images embedded in the brain.
Somethings are forgotten. Some things are remembered as clearly as day.
Sometimes what was totally forgotten can be triggered by something to be recalled again in an instant.
Some memories of things or events become cloudy or totally forgotten to never emerge from the fog of forgetfulness.
Memories that reflect to us are a great benefit bestowed to us upon nature. A blessing to our well-being.
Good, bad, and neutral memories serve to assist within our review, study, attest, and mirror of what we experience and consciously, unconsciously, or subconsciously absorb. –latoya lawrence
I remember in my teenage years and in my early adulthood how I viewed life as nothing.
To me, it still is nothing but at the same time it is something meaningful that means nothing.
I spend and have spent days/years just killing time as I never cared about this world, yet I have had to always keep going on account of a God that has me here for purposes of his own that I do not delight in at all.
Yes, I have no problem coping with or managing this life as my life has shown and proved that I can handle anything. The problem is this life in the present world is unnatural to a natural way that life should be.
A lot of what is deemed normal is not normal.
Why did this plan have to include me? With all the people God created why drag me into this ridiculous shit that has nothing to do with me?
I have been blessed but these certain anointings have never been enough to make living here in the world with all the dumb shit and shit I could care less about worth my while.
I was always ahead of my time and pissed off because God put me here- feeling that I did not belong here and deserved better.
God claims to love but what kind of love would bring me to a place that I despise?
He gave me and gave certain others knowledge but what is the purpose of knowing things when we have no real control over anything and no guarantees in life but to one day die?
Are we just to know that no matter what we have experienced and possess through seasons of happiness and hardships we are still just mere dust that can be blown away at any time?
When I look back at a lot of life that has passed by, I really do not see the point or the purpose in the things I have gone through or encountered.
Most of the things I know now I already knew back when I was much younger.
Many things that excite and that are looked upon as significant to others are not appealing or anything relevant to me.
I did not need to witness or observe accounts of what I considered to be sick shit among other people -or to be successfully delivered through undesirable trials and tribulations- to know or to understand God’s power as I have.
To me, God’s force was always evident. But I was made to be an individual put into a world just like everyone else to undergo inevitable life situations.
What is the point of being in the world if one is truly not of it even if they are born into imperfection?
My resentment in the past for God came from my perceived view of his character and I still hold a little resentment toward him as I do not appreciate things about him that I do not understand as to his reasons why he lets things in life be.
Nevertheless, it is what it is.
I have been tired of this fucked up world since my teenage years yet still strong enough to endure every moment of it.
In a world where impressions matter to many, truths are what truly mattered to me.
Not projecting a facade of what is acceptable for the sake of being accepted.
I found it impossible for me to put on a disguise as I am not one to be a people pleaser.
There is a time for courtesy, professionalism, diplomacy, and respecting certain boundaries as well as a time when to justifiably cross them.
It is so important to live out one’s truth even if that genuineness and loyalty to self within self-preservation according to one’s own distinct nature causes a reproach within others due to what goes beyond their own comprehension and/or level of discernment.
I have been lied upon, misunderstood, judged for things I have never done, criticized for not being able to be controlled by others, and I have been the object of other people’s vicious gossip, envy and jealousy just like many other people of substance in life have.
All other people’s negativity did was cause me to become further resilient and despise and look down upon these individuals more than I already had beforehand.
As one who is extremely stubborn no one can make me do anything I do not want to do, and no one can stop me from doing anything that I want to do.
I have noticed an innate force within me that refused to allow me to be deterred from possessing the essential liberty that is instilled within me to express and prevail.
I was naturally inspired to continue to move forward unaffected.
Permitting others, the opportunity to dictate or restrict one’s path and future out of fear/intimidation or discouragement only prevents one’s celestial discovery, steady growth, and ultimate evolution.
There are people who often recognize or acknowledge some of us for who they want us to be instead of who we really are.
They form judgements or have preconceived notions based on generalized perceptions of what they believe we represent through our perceived lifestyle, words, or manner of bearing in which we conduct ourselves.
Some conclusions that others draw may be accurate, partially accurate or just plain wrong altogether.
One cannot be genuinely defined according to conjecture, hearsay, rumor, false assumption or a standard of what one is familiar with and/or accustomed to.
So many factors, shape, make up and contribute to diverse individuals and their behavior.
As soon as one behaves or responds contrary to another person’s sense of belief or reasoning, they may become shocked, disappointed, or even critical toward the other person.
This instance is not an illustration that the people or person in question necessarily did something wrong or acted out of character. It is an example of others whose expectation or notion of what they built up within their own way of thinking projecting upon the surface.
I experienced a long time ago (from my childhood on up) how people would put their own insecurities, ignorance, and negativity onto me and others who they differed from or were jealous towards.
I without a doubt knew that their judgment or lack thereof did not coincide with reality.
Their actions and behavior reflected themselves, who they truly were, and had absolutely nothing to do with me!
The home decor style of the 60’s and 70’s were not just for hippies and gypsy fortune tellers.
Whether one called them door beads or beaded curtains- bead adornments that decorated the entrances of doorway rooms in the home and within establishments offered a cozy and enchanting ambience to settings that a lot of individuals could appreciate.
I remember as a young child during the late seventies and early eighties, walking through the clear-colored beads that hung from my home, clasping them open, loving the sounds they made while they hit up against one another.
People had many a variety of these beaded curtains.
Some of the people in my neighborhood (next door, across the street, down the block, and blocks away neighbors) had the attractive wooden kind.
Some had bright multicolored ones, and some had ones that were designed in diamond/oval shapes.
Door beads/beaded curtains are a creative way to add character and beauty into a place of residence or business.
The thought also brings to me a wonderful sense of nostalgia to what once was.
There are modern door beads and beaded curtains to decorate our homes with nowadays, but nothing will compare to the essence that held at a time when this style expressed the decade.
I am not going to mention any names but he knows who he is.
Since around Sunday on February 5, 2023 I noticed a few love/attraction/ lust spells tried to be worked upon me.
It began with acknowledgement of the man lusting after me -sexually desiring me- with the attempt to also get me to have a sexual as well as physical attraction to this guy.
Then I began to receive messages that this guy likes me very much.
In the days following, the essence of the love spell relayed to me the other feelings that are intended to sway me.
The motive is to have me like, care for, and possibly fall in love with this guy so I will be drawn to him.
I guess he thinks if he can make me feel this way that I will jump into bed with him.
He thinks that if I have sex with him because of the love spell then walk away from me afterwards that I will somehow be hurt emotionally.
This would be his way of retaliating against me for rejecting him by using an “unnatural” method (love-magic/witchcraft).
I understand that he or his ego may be hurt but witchcraft/black magic/voodoo does not and never has worked on me mentally or emotionally I am far too strong for that.
I am sensitive to energy so I can pick up on the essence and the intent.
I do not understand why some guys have the mentality that they can hurt women by using them for sex.
Every woman is not the same and they do not hold the mentality of being disgraced by negative men who try to humiliate and degrade them in that manner.
There are women who use men for sex too and do not care.
He probably believes in his ignorant mind that I would be hurt the most because I am not the type who goes to bed with anyone at all. So, if he sleeps with me by doing witchcraft then talks badly about me with lies and whatever other stupid games he would be avenged.
He is sick in my opinion.
Love spells should not be done at all- but if they are done- at least people should do them with good/honest intentions instead of selfish ones that intend to hurt others just to have one’s way with them.
Aside from all that, witchcraft/black magic/voodoo is real even if certain people do not believe that it works.
The supernatural instance does not affect everyone but a lot of people do become under the influence of it. If witchcraft/black magic/voodoo does not work on a person mentally, emotionally or physically it can work on them spiritually or materially- through finances and other means.
No matter what, God is always stronger than the devil that is why I am continuously kept aware. I am so grateful and thankful to the Lord for looking out and keeping me protected.
I remember years ago another guy worked a love spell on me to try to get me to love, marry him, and have babies with him.
I do not like people who do these things with ulterior motives to suit themselves, especially against another person’s will.
Why want someone who does not want you back? There is a world full of people on the planet.
What is important is that for people who are interested in relationships to find one’s who are best suited for them.
Right now, with the current guy, I find this action of his kind of exciting as I wonder how much further he will go. I even have a smile on my face at this love spell.
I am a fierce spiritual warrior and I am ready for the battle that God will take care of!
I was told twice yesterday by a mature (ninety-five year old) woman of experience that because of the way I look physically, and the way that I carry myself, I should be in movies.
This is not the first time I have been told these words and similar ones alike.
As a teen and young adult, some people would ask me if I was a model and would tell me that I could be one.
Another person told me they saw me as a movie actress type who was supposed to be writing screenplays.
Aside from other things, I could have been a lawyer or a psychologist if I had really wanted and chose to. I have both the smarts and the mindset.
The fact is, I never wanted a life in Hollywood to be broadcast on television, or to be photographed for magazines walking down the runway.
I never had the desire to be a legal representative or mental health specialist either.
Though many of us are qualified or can do or become professionals in more than one area, it does not mean this is a preferred career or path to seek.
Jobs and job labels do not define us as individuals.
Even though there are narrow-minded misinformed people who believe the higher the title or higher the income, the higher the stature.
Someone who does not have a job or who has a job that is considered low rank in comparison to high-level/high-profile jobs can have far more integrity, intelligence, ability than the one touting their so-called credentials.
They may have just not gotten the right opportunity, could have fallen into hard times, did not believe enough within themselves or did not have any support.
There are several reasons and factors for why those who could achieve great heights do not.
A lot of people who are in positions of power or who hold positions that are praised within society are not as adequate as they think they are or would like to believe.
Many of them are nothing but shit! They are as common as they come- there is nothing special about their existence.
Novel within character and mindset unlike the ordinary are what define true standing within its authenticity.
I like the shoes that I walk in. They fit me just fine. Sure, there are other pairs on display I can try on, but they would eventually get raggedy to wear out as they all come a dime a dozen.
The shoes on my feet are especially made for me. There are no other duplicates for anyone else to see. These shoes stand the test of time, they are worth much more than a cheap dime.
They are waterproof, hole-proof, and heel-proof. The proof is in the damage-proof that proved the resiliency in my walk.
I have come a long way in my shoes.
No matter whatever came to be I always kept moving forward never to slide back. The motor in my body never allowed me to be immobile.
The sole of the fabric tells it all, my foot imprinted.
I made a mark- nobody can walk in my shoes as I have without the scratches, scrapes and shitloads of crap not showing upon the surface.
We all have our ups and downs here and there depending on what each of us individuals consider or define as minor or major bumps in the road of our journey here on earth.
But for the most part life has treated me kindly. I have been fortunate in many areas of travel throughout the interesting ride of this physical plane.
I have noticed since my early youth that if there was something in life that I did not want then the circumstance was not going to work out for the best- or at all.
I cannot have anyone, or any situation persuaded, or forced upon me.
I am too headstrong to be influenced by what others may try to impose on me.
When things in life I desired were granted to me or attained by my own accomplishing the circumstance always worked out favorably with long-lasting rewards.
I determine my happiness not what other people define what happiness is according to their standards or perception of what meets the requirements of a happy or content life condition.
Only I know the true source and components needed to define the attributes of my own fulfillment.
It is wonderful to have spiritual gifts. To be able to see and feel in to the unknown.
To have accurate dreams and visions of beyond where I preternaturally interact within the supernatural.
It is what I am.
By birth, I have one footstep here into this physical plane while my other foot is stepped out inside the spiritual realm.
I am partially experiencing both worlds and whole-heartedly Intune to both.
I am here, but not here.
There have been mysteries revealed to me, spiritual essences revealed to me, revelations revealed to me.
I have a lot of wisdom, knowledge, and understanding flowing around inside of me.
God my creator remains with me.
I can tell God anything. He totally understands me. I am completely straight with him; I always have been.
The good, the bad, and the ugly- I have never been shy or afraid to speak my words of truth to God.
No matter what. God always comes through for me. He speaks back to me in so many ways including through nature.
Everything is made up of energy. We are all energy. The energy made up by my nature is the way that God designed me to be.
Whether I have a complaint, or just feeling my joy, God is there with his open-arms, extraordinary comprehension and incredible forces of power to aid, advise, and to protect.
No matter what may go on or happen in general in life- may it be through unexpected events or whatever else- I know that everything will be alright and will turn out in my favor as it always has since the days of my youth.
From my observations throughout the years there are so-called Christians and others alike who believe if something is not written or mentioned within the Bible then the instance is unlikely to be true or not possible- which I know for fact has never been the truth.
Something does not have to be in the Bible for it to be truthful or possible.
Everything not written in the Bible that can occur is also not always devil inspired or people inspired either.
There is credibility to many situations, circumstances, encounters that were experiences not directly included as taken place in the Bible.
Some people are stuck in their limited scope of reasoning, narrow-mindedness, ignorance, brainwashing, or influences brought on by society.
That is why it is so important to be strong-minded and confident within one’s own.
Knowing while certain others may not share an experience or a belief in no way will make another’s experience or belief less probable. There is a great possibility for their undergoing to be a reality and able to exist.
I have always been headstrong. I do not have to go through something to believe or to know it is able to be true for someone else.
Maybe because I have that insight, nevertheless, one should never let others sway their minds or raise doubt in what they hold to know or believe firmly.
Of course, we as people are liable to hold onto false or erroneous ways of being.
Anyone can misinterpret or be mistaken about things it is when they fail to accept their error once they have discovered or have been proven to be wrong in some way.
This past Sunday on January 22, 2023, I was looking through the category log of my television app.
I was in the mood to look at classic suspense/crime/mystery films for the day.
I came across a title called “Witness to Murder (a film I had never seen before) starring one of my favorite old-time actresses- Barbara Stanwyck.
I really liked this black and white movie.
In the opening scene, Barbara’s character wakes up from her sleep to see a man in an apartment window straight across from her bedroom window in the act of murdering a woman.
Without giving too much of the story away, Barbara phones up the police but when they arrive on the scene there is no evidence of any crime having been committed.
When the killer discovers that Barbara’s character is aware of what he did, he cunningly tries his best to make her appear to be crazy and harassing, in effort to throw everybody off to the truth at hand.
Barbara Stanwyck was such a talent in her time here on earth.
One of my other favorite suspense films of hers is one that I saw a long time ago called “Sorry, Wrong Number“.
Afterwards, I watched another film that I never saw starring Barbara Stanwyck titled “Crime of Passion”. Raymond Burr also starred in this entertaining flick.
I received this notification today of 500 hundred likes.
But what I like is that WordPress has been a platform for me to do what I love on a continuous basis whenever convenient for me.
This coming August of 2023 will be sixteen years since I have been blogging here on WordPress.
For many of us, writing is not just a hobby, it is a calling. When we go to answer, we reach further toward that tone over on the other end of the line.
We proceed to dial our own connection because nobody knows our number better than we do.
Ask the younger people of today what paper dolls are most would not have a clue!
Paper dolls were the fad of my generation and before.
I even used to cut out fashion model images from magazines to add to the imagination of play.
It is hard to find quality punch out paper dolls currently.
I never purchased paper dolls with the daunting task of having to cut them out alongside their outlines within the pages of the books they were designed upon.
A few years ago, I came across high quality, sturdy cardboard, adorable images, and playset of paper dolls.
I even purchased some for my two older adult friends who were pleased to surprisingly receive them from me.
The price for this treasure was extremely reasonable for its excellent quality.
• Rock the red carpet with your very own fashion show! Fashion Show Play Set features 5 paper dolls (actually made of card stock), 3 fold-out scenes—dressing room, fashion show runway, and photographer’s studio—and dozens of glamorous and trendy outfits and accessories any model would love to wear!
Dress up your paper doll ”model” as a bride, in a bathing suit, in a glamorous gown, and more. When the show is over, place dolls and their outfits in the enclosed storage envelope.- excerpt from the paper doll advertisement!
Those books used to keep me up all night- I could not get enough!
Melanie drugged her husband, shot him, chopped up his body (dismembered it with an electrical saw), placed the different body parts into three bags of luggage, then dumped the Suitcase apparatuses into the Virginia Chesapeake Bay River.
It was such a gruesome crime! The book was much better than the movie.
I tape recorded my mother’s voicemail message as I mentioned I would in the previous post I wrote. The tape recorder I purchased seemed to be defective, the box that it came in was not in the best shape either. The tape recorder ate up one of my cassettes. The item was sold and shipped by Amazon. Amazon is no stranger to handing out products that have been used then re-shipped out to other buyers/customers who are looking to receive brand new items. I called up Amazon customer service to request a refund for the tape recorder and the damaged cassette tape. Amazon acknowledged that I would receive my refund for both products within 7-10 business days without having to return the items.
I was grateful and asked to be sent a confirmation email for proof in case I do not receive my refund on time. I should have just purchased the Sony brand digital recorder at PC Richard’s on Tuesday when I was there at the store, but I did not want to spend sixty dollars on something I was not going to use regularly. Nevertheless, I gave the idea a second thought. The digital recorder would come in handy to keep on hand nowadays. Of course, there are other options to record by other means. However, these objects/gadgets do not last forever. At least with cassette tapes, they can be stored away for a longtime to be used again. I have cassette tapes that are still in good condition for over twenty years now.
This February will make a year since I was first told, by someone who I won’t name, who worked at Amazon with me, that they heard a male voice on my voicemail greeting when they called my android.
I was puzzled when I first heard this news until shortly after I figured out the possibility why.
The issue did not seem too problematic at the time. I figured the voicemail greeting would shift back to mine as other callers had heard the personal greeting that I had recorded on my phone previously.
As time passed, the issue faded into the back of my mind until it resurfaced again when another person mentioned that they heard this male voice a few months back.
Now someone else just mentioned the same thing the day before yesterday.
I happened to hear the voice myself upon a thorough investigation.
I called up Verizon wireless and found out what was going on. It was what I originally suspected.
In October of 2021, I had my cellphone number changed.
I asked the Verizon customer service representative to make an exception and allow me to keep the voicemail messages to my old telephone number (which is not normally done as they would by default get deleted) due to a relative of mine who had passed away.
My mother had left a message for me that I had saved- and that was all I had left of her voice.
So, Verizon was nice enough to grant my request.
Somewhere within the process whoever had my new number before me- their voicemail must have gotten crossed up with the one to my old number as both were obviously being heard at different times by people who would call me.
The only way to fix this issue was to set up a brand-new voicemail which would delete all my existing saved messages.
I explained the situation to the Verizon customer service representative, and they understood my plight completely.
I told them to wait until I get a tape recorder to record my mother’s voice from my cellphone then I will call them back up and set up the new voicemail so people will always hear my greeting and know they have reached the correct telephone number.
I purchased a tape recorder the day before yesterday, and it was delivered to my home yesterday afternoon. I also ordered two Maxell cassette tapes.
Finally, this little mishap is about to be resolved.
It took me an entire year. I guess I was too preoccupied with other day to day activities/responsibilities or was a bit lazy on acting sooner.
I can afford to have been “tired/lazy”. I have been through a lot in life, in general, and managed to come through time and again still pushing forward doing what I must do.
I always had a nice grade head full of hair that grew long from my childhood unto my adulthood. I was never the type to wear any fake hair (I never had or needed to) I believe in being totally natural.
The first time I ever cut my hair was at age twelve where I kept it short in the front and long in the back (a cute style back during the 1980’s) until it grew back to its original length.
I first permed my hair when I was eighteen and let it grow all the way down my back throughout my twenties.
A year and a half ago In June of 2021 I went to a barber shop and did the “big chop”. I had them shave all of my hair close to the scalp.
I had already stopped putting a straight perm into my hair two years before. I wanted all remainder of the perm entirely cut off. I had a lot of hair and the barber told me to take a picture of it.
My (Miss LaToya) pretty thick curly/wavy hair on June 6, 2021 being swept after I got the big chop!
I prefer my hair to be totally natural and had planned to keep my hair continuously kept short.
However, my hair grows fast and for five months now I have been wearing my natural locks in a ponytail (the style I used to regularly wear my hair in before I did the big chop) and I love it!
While I will never ever get a perm again I decided to just let my hair grow out as long as it wants to.
I received Christmas gifts from managers when I worked in retail.
In my field of health care, I have had appreciative clients for no special occasion who had slipped me money for their appreciation of the work I did for them.
Before I left work late yesterday afternoon, one of my client’s relatives handed me a Christmas card with money.
I remember years ago when another client’s daughter handed me a Christmas card with two hundred dollars because she appreciated the work I did.
I have encountered nice people who were not just generous with their money but with their time and other acts of kindness and concern toward me.
The thoughts coming from these people are enough for me as I rarely accept money or gifts when asked what it is that I want- even from family or friends.
If people really want to give me something they will have to do it without consulting with me first because I do not ever want anything no matter how odd that may sound.
I have always been this way.
My mother would tell anybody that as she knew firsthand. She used to sometimes innocently fight with me as she did not understand the reason I did not take advantage of items she wanted to buy me when I was a teenager.
It is beautiful though when people give from their heart to show gratitude, love, or just because it is within their nature to be thoughtful or nice.
I stopped celebrating Christmas, Thanksgiving, and even my birthday when I was twelve years of age.
My reason for doing so had absolutely nothing to do with any religious belief or outside influence, they were done purely out of personal feelings and rationalizations.
Many events in this society are commercialized or set within following traditions.
I have always been an unconventional individual, doing and behaving on my own terms according to my own nature and distinct mindset.
I do not, never have, and never will let society dictate what my values should be, how I conduct myself, or how I live my life.
I am not one to just go along with the program.
I still can and do, of course, acknowledge and respect the celebration of holidays and birthdays regarding others as I send out and accept cards or gifts from those who matter or who show kindness.
The thing is, I do not need one day out of a year to express love, the existence of life, appreciation for things, or the beauty of togetherness with those near and dear.
I send out cards, have given gifts, shown gratitude and spent meaningful time with loved ones as an ongoing periodic all year around basis.
To me, every day is a day to be grateful, to celebrate life, to share moments with those we love or care for, and so on.
I am not inspired by tradition because tradition does not inspire who I am.
The true meaning of Christmas itself is to celebrate the birth and life of Jesus Christ, but there is nothing wrong with attributing this day with merriment and gift-giving.
Still and all, the most precious gifts in life cannot be bought or sold wrapped up and used to eventually be thrown away. Some material possessions do last a lifetime, but people and connected relationships last forever.
The best gifts on earth we have are each other (the one or ones that you love and who sincerely love you whether it is a pet, a genuine friend, or a treasured family member.)
Whether one believes this or not, even if there is no one in your corner, all one truly needs is God as he will provide and secure your future as well as maintain your strength and character.
When we accept Jesus, we receive the most significant (vital) gift of all- eternity.
I am a very honest, straightforward person. If I say or write something it is because it is the truth, what I really think or believe, or suspect is possible.
Never do I or have I ever intentionally expressed anything under false pretense.
Some people may not understand what I mean or where I come from at times- depending on who it is- because I am a very deep, intelligent, and spiritual awake person.
Nevertheless, I speak my mind and am led by spirit to fulfill my purposes. I do know what I am talking about when I speak on things.
I am a forty-seven-year-old female who often gets mistaken for someone in her twenties or thirties. I have never really looked my age in body or in the face.
I even have a young sounding voice when I speak.
I have attracted men of all ages- young and old within the past.
When I was in my thirties eighteen-year-old guys were attracted to me, when I was in my twenties forty and fifty-year-old men were attracted to me.
It never made a difference. To each his or her own I never received any personal gratification from this attention I never wanted it.
Some men found me to be a challenge that they wanted to conquer. Some men just genuinely wanted to be with me because they liked me for my mind, and I was not like the average female once they got to know me a little.
I never placed value on myself based on whether a man approved or desired me. I have never suffered from low self-esteem and have never needed anyone to validate me or to build my assurance.
Self- confidence, self-love, and self-worth are things produced within me. No one gave it to me, and no one can take it away. Everyone should feel this way.
I have no interest in romantic relationships, I am asexual and proud.
Now I want to discuss this issue about Michael Gonzalez because I am being led to by spirit.
As I am a highly spiritually inclined individual I feel and keenly discern people’s energy.
Whenever a man, especially men who are of a negative disposition are attracted, or interested in me- I can feel them, their thoughts, and I can accurately sense things in relation to them in a timely frame.
Michael is an ex-coworker of mine who had, and who still has a “crush” on me. It is nothing serious, but it is annoying.
From the first moment I laid eyes on Michael, I did not find him to be attractive.
He is not a cute guy, and he is not handsome as far as I am concerned. A friend of mine had saw a photo of him and said that he was not attractive to her also but that he seems to think that he is something. Maybe there are low-scale females who find him attractive, however, I do not and never will.
I was very insulted when Michael reflected his insecurities onto me while we worked together by entertaining the ridiculous idea that I could be attracted or interested in him.
I told Michael to his face that I could not stand him, but his inflated ego did not want to believe or accept it even though deep down inside he knew it was the truth.
He even profiled in front of me one day on the job by trying to show off his body that was not appealing to me whatsoever. He got down onto the floor to demonstrate push-ups. The incident turned me off.
The more I had got to know Michael the more I disliked him.
When some men try to impress women, push themselves on them, or try to flaunt themselves when they mistakenly assume that the female likes them, they do not realize how much they make a fool of themselves. It is very off-putting.
When I was younger there were guys (usually low-scale guys because guys of substance do not behave in this manner) who would get angry at me for not wanting them and in return tell lies about me.
There were three who were a problem.
Two lied and said I was involved with them and all three wanted people to believe that I slept with them or had feelings for them- all to make themselves appear big in the eyes of their peers. And, to also try to bring me down since I thought too highly of myself to desire or to be with anyone like them.
Neither one of these guys were desirable they were used to low-scale women such as themselves falling all over them and making a fuss over them due to their own bouts of low self-esteem.
Someone like me, who was of substance and class, added an extra blow to the bruise they received to their egos when they got hurt and rejected by me.
Of course, their efforts did not work so they joined in with the effort to work Brujeria (Black magic/Santeria) on me to try to make me look bad within the public eye, however, I was still too strong, and I successfully defeated all of them at their own game. On top of it, karma came back and destroyed all three of them. One even ended up dead years ago from his negative lifestyle.
No one can bring me down as I never cared what anybody said or thought about me.
I did not have time for that type of bullshit then, and I do not tolerate it now.
Michael is not at all drastic to that extreme his nonsense is mild in comparison, yet still an act of ridiculous nonsense.
With all the serious things going on in the world Michael is hung up on the fact that he cannot attain me.
He would rather believe that I really do have feelings for him and am just fighting it, or that I am playing hard to get, or whatever other delusional bullshit that men feed themselves instead of facing the truth over dealing with reality.
Michael needs to forget about me and realize that a woman of my level and caliber would never be interested or attracted to him.
Michael has a lot of negative energy. He has a very low vibration.
I am a positive person I exude from a very high vibration.
What I also believe is a part of Michael’s insecurities stem from his background of being morbidly obese.
Maybe after he lost weight, he feels he needs something to prove and is overcompensating.
He needs women to be interested or attracted to him to feel like a big man. I just wish he would find some other female to win over to measure or to prove his false sense of pride.
The other women he has been with are easy tramps. He feels if he can get me then he can get anybody. I should in a way take this instance as a compliment, but I am not flattered by it, I am disgusted.
To me, Michael will always be a small, unworthy, pretentious smelly fish swimming in a dirty pond.
I am not trying to be mean I just do not understand the sickness behind and within certain men and women (because there are deceitful, trouble-making women too) who cannot deal with rejection.
A healthy-minded person does not occupy themself with stupid shit like this.
The almighty has ways of making notice the power of his presence known to those of us who are highly spiritually inclined.
I remember the wonderful reflective vision of reality I had years ago of three beautiful white doves rapidly flapping their wings above my head.
A sign of peace, purity, and protection bestowed upon me graciously by thee.
There are types of dove birds, yet white doves are gorgeous, and were the ones shown to me supernaturally in a divine expression of what was around me.
I always thought the swan was a beautiful creature as it swam upon the waters of the ocean.
I remember when I worked at the relative of the actress Gwyneth Paltrow’s home some years ago in Massapequa, New York.
The relative’s wife was a retired judge who I attended three nights a week overnight when I worked for Bayada services.
The lady lived in a beautiful house.
From her kitchen to the dayroom to the upstairs patio-like hallway that all occupied sliding-glass doors and windows that one could delightfully view through.
I used to take turns relaxing upstairs with my feet propped up in a chair at night while downstairs on the sofa, admiring the gorgeous attraction of the outdoor night scene from the inside.
The reflections glistening over the waves of the sea, the lighting of other homes far across almost circling the outlines of the land.
Those nights were so quiet and serene.
I would watch boats go by. I would watch the breath-taking pinkish-orange, blue skies before night fall and the reddish-yellow skies before daybreak.
I also used to anticipate the beautiful white swans floating on by during the morning so I could get a good look at them compared to the view of them that I had at night.
I filmed them go by on my smartphone to bring back to share and show to my momma back then.
I have really been to, worked at, and have seen some beautiful places.
In 1986 a man was going door to door on the block of my neighborhood looking for potential customers for the cable TV service that he worked for or represented.
I was ten or eleven at the time, excited at the chance to have the opportunity to watch a selection of cable channels as I was a huge young movie and television buff back then.
I called out to my mother after answering the door. She came downstairs and we both listened to his pitch.
The representative showed us a brochure of the service he promoted, offering us a choice of bundles along with prices.
My mother decided to purchase a cable plan.
The name of the service was BQ Cable- which stood for Brooklyn and Queens.
Later in the years- I do not remember exactly what year- BQ Cable was called Time Warner Cable.
Then later, after further years, to the current, the name of the service was changed to Spectrum Cable.
This instance reminds me of two other establishments from the past to the present.
When I was a little girl there was a bank titled Manufacturer Hanover.
This bank was later changed to Chemical Bank which now is called Chase.
There was also a telephone company called New York Telephone that eventually changed to NYNEX.
Afterwards, NYNEX became Bell Atlantic which is now called Verizon.
I know all this history for a fact because I and my family were with these companies (long time customers from the beginning) through their entire change of ownership and whatever else took place when these establishments expanded or advanced.
In this life of unpredictability, we sometimes know what to expect while oftentimes we experience the unexpected.
Once it seems that everything is under control and running smoothly another thing may pop up. Sometimes to the extent that will make one ask “What’s next?!”
When situations or circumstances seem to come at you all at once just give it to God.
When particular occurrences appear to be an overload or too much of a burden- let it go.
Why stress when we can rest our significant matters into the hands of the Lord?
I have noticed at the most troublesome of times there was no actual distress caused to me as I was not troubled by the happenings around me.
In the same, when I did become concerned about events, I was still able to genuinely laugh, be at peace, and persevere with an uncanny strength and confidence although I dreaded going through the undesirable seasons due to being tired of periodic trials.
When we continue to look and seek beyond instead of what gives the impression of an unfavorable condition that stands directly in front of us, we can endeavor to surpass through the aid of the one who has the power to bypass every storm of the weather.
It all started around the age of two or three years of age that I threw a fit inside the department store.
My mother said she had to take the last of her money to buy the Big Wheel low-ride that caught my eye as soon as I had spotted it on display.
My mother’s money did not go to waste.
I rode that Big Wheel up and down the block of our neighborhood and everywhere else when I was supervised by an adult.
I had a high-ride tricycle prior to the Big Wheel that I barely rode. I was not enthusiastic about the red three-wheeler as it later collected dust in the garage.
The color of my Big Wheel was red and yellow. I wore the plastic out of the rider I rode it so much. It had partially split in half.
I loved my Big Wheeler!
When I had gotten a little older my uncle bought me a blue colored bike with training wheels.
When it was time for the training wheels to come off my mother taught me how to ride holding my balance. I learned fast all in one day.
Afterwards, there were other children on the block of our neighborhood who asked my mother to teach them how to ride their bikes without training wheels since their parents had not shown them yet.
In between the periods of the Big Wheel and bike I also enjoyed riding the wheels of my roller’s skates and hot-pink colored skateboard.
Though the skateboard did not interest me nearly as much as the other apparatuses.
Before I hit my teenage years, my mother purchased me a 10-Speed bike.
The last time I rode a bike was in the year 1998.
Bike riding was always a fun, enjoyable activity for me. From childhood riding through the streets with my puppy chilling in the basket of the handle-bars, around corners, and up and down steep hills.
Riding in groups with other neighborhood children reveling in the hot mornings, afternoons and evenings of spring and summer.
I had some wonderful times with a bicycle.
Bicycling as an adult in the quiet of the night, under the calm leaves of trees. Refreshing air blowing amid a breeze while going to get something to eat or something otherwise are just pleasurable accounts to remember.
The first time I ever went ice-skating I was twelve years of age.
A neighbor took me, her daughters and my god-brother to Rockefeller Center in Manhattan, New York.
I learned how to ice-skate that evening almost immediately.
The activity on ice was exciting and fun.
Since then, I have been down that area of Rockefeller Center plenty of times passing through but never have I been back to the ice-skating rink.
Far before that time I recall going to a roller-rink with my mother and associates from our neighborhood.
I was a little pro at Roller-Skates on the sidewalk and streets of Queens, New York but at the rink with the strobe-lights and disco music is seemed as if the floors were actually spinning so I stayed on the sidelines and watched my mom skate around the floor with the help of a gentleman who helped to hold her steady on her feet.
Fast forward ahead at the ice-skating rink where my god-brother at the time was gliding in between two friendly girls who helped to hold him on his feet after he had fallen onto the ice a couple of times.
We (my god-brother and I) laughed at the situation as we had a sense of humor that was out of this world.
My puppy got in on the action as she would run to pull me along as I held her leash while on my roller’s skates through the streets.
She also loved running beside me as I rode my bicycle up and down the block.
I remember when I was in the fourth grade. I had a teacher named Mrs. Yaffey. She was Jewish.
I attended an elementary school in Bayside, New York at the time- P.S. 203.
I wrote a play back then as an assignment in which I chose specific classmates to act out in roles I had created within my story. I even cast a student for the narration in between scenes that I had written.
This preparation took place among us all in our classroom.
I never received a low or bad grade on book reports so knew I could write well at an early age.
Reading and writing were my best subjects.
After Mrs. Yaffey was impressed by one of my book reports- she to my surprise- gave me the lead role as Robinhood for our school play called “Potpourri”.
I was not one who wanted to be in the spotlight, so I gave the part to a girl named Erica Goldstein. She had a narrator role in which I exchanged with her.
Throughout the days up until we were to perform on stage in front of an auditorium full of people we rehearsed and had to get our apparel and costumes ready.
I had to wear a white shirt, a black belt, and black tights as the narrator. “Robinhood” had to wear her cape and each other character according to their required specific wardrobe.
During opening night my mother later expressed to me that she was disappointed that I had such few lines in a small role. I don’t think she liked that I gave up the lead part to someone else.
But things like that were not a big deal to me. I was not a child who liked being the center of attention.
My mother did not mean any harm, she was just a parent who was proud of her kid.
There are wonderful puppies and dogs that come in a variety of breeds, shades, and sizes.
However, I was one who preferred large dogs over smaller ones.
The only small dogs I ever owned was a Poodle and a Chihuahua, and I did not keep the Chihuahua too long. I was not crazy about the tan puppy I named “Peaches”
If I was to get a small breed of dog it would be the Beagle and the Shetland Sheep dog (Shetland’s are in the Collie family).
A gorgeous-looking stray Beagle with blue eyes wandered to the front of my yard years ago when I still lived within the home I grew up at.
I was in my thirties and I would have taken her in, but I did not know where she came from and if she was free of disease. I did not want to take the risk.
My next-door neighbor ended up taking her in and I regretted not being the first to scoop her up as one day she came over to me and ignored my neighbor who was calling her to come back.
I had to pick the Beagle up and hand her over to my neighbor. That is the only way she departed from me.
I have an aunt named Tina who I am not too fond of and who I do not want to be bothered with, however, she loved my dog Brandie as did I and other family members.
Tina had a dog of her own during her teenage days before I was born. But, for the most part Tina is a cat person.
When we shared our family home many years ago, she had a couple of pet cats.
Now as Tina is in her early sixties, she continues to own cats.
Tina had been trying to contact my mother and I through the years, yet we did not respond. So, I finally gave her a chance to connect with me a year and a half ago.
She told me how she watched one of her cats take their last breath and how she planned to get a new cat to keep her other cat company.
I kindly purchased some supplies for her pets from Chewy.com. She did reimburse me though I was looking for nothing in return.
Tina had even invited me to her apartment.
I met one of her cats who had been with her for the longest while the other new cat she adopted was hiding somewhere around the apartment still adjusting to her new home.
The white-colored cat that came over to greet me was adorable and so sweet. She had beautiful eyes and such a wonderful essence about her that I could sense.
Within that moment I understood why Tina loved her so much. In fact, I had an adoring feeling for this lovely creature.
I remember in my early twenties when a guy from the old neighborhood I grew up in came up behind me in the 1990’s and uttered, “You love animals more than you love people”.
This was after news had gotten back to him that I had told a small crowd of guys on a street corner one night how ugly they were.
These guys used to act silly and harass me because I would not date them, so I had to put them in check.
Anyhow, the guy who came up behind me heard about the incident and called me a bitch.
If anything, I took “bitch” as a compliment even though he meant it as an insult. I was never the average type of female anyhow. I was very unique in many aspects.
When this guy saw that I did not respond to the word bitch, he knew the reason was because I did not care.
So, the next time he approached me it was about the regard I had for animals, as he would observe the moments, he saw me share in the neighborhood with my dogs.
He was correct. In general, I did care for animals (canines) more than I cared for people- and with good reason!
My two favorite individuals in the entire world were my mother and one of my dogs named Brandie.
Dogs are easier to like or love than most people. I am one who did not love easily to begin with, as I know the true definition of love.
Love in any instance should and has to come naturally.
There is a circle of few I call and who are true friends. There are even people around me who are good and trustworthy.
However, my mother and my dog are the ones who knew me best and who I both consider my friends for life from here on earth to beyond.
I do not understand people who claim that it hurts to talk about a relative who died. I love and enjoy speaking and reminiscing about the times we shared.
If the death of someone ever caused you pain, it is only because of the love you had for them. The more you loved them, the more it hurt, and that hurt feels so good!
Within that pain lies beauty. Beauty is the strength of that love. Love is the most beautiful thing in the world. I thank God for gifting me with such a strong spirit.
Our loved ones who died in Christ are not actually dead. They are alive and living well. In fact, they are doing far much better than we are! Yes, we love them, and we miss them. However, we should be very happy for them. They, by the grace of God, made it home to Jesus! That is a cause for celebration. They are residing in the peace and comfort of divine love.
The love we have for our dear ones could never compare to the love that God has for them. When we truly love them, we can willingly let them go, and that gives us such beautiful peace knowing them in such wonderful state of bliss. No more troubles in this perishing world they must endure. The most phenomenal thing we as believers and children of God recognize is that our deceased relatives are not people who are from our past. They are people who we know we will look forward to sharing the rest of our future in eternity with once we finally cross over. –latoya lawrence
The German Shepherd/Collie mix love of my life has been gone for twenty years now.
Time has no bearing when it comes to love as I still think about my precious baby every single day. I always loved her so much from the moment her little body was placed in my young arms at the animal shelter.
Brandie is long gone but she will never be forgotten, and I surely hope to see her one day as many of us whose pets have passed on do.
There will indeed be dogs and other animals when God brings heaven down to earth for our eternity.
Unfortunately, there is no mention of the Bible stating that we will ever see our pets again as we will our deceased relatives.
Nevertheless, although there is no guarantee, we can hold out hope.
God is the almighty creator and ruler. He can do anything that he pleases, and he may surprise us one day.
I really hope to reunite with Brandie again. I do not want to imagine never seeing or being with her again.
"My Voice" Weblog By Miss LaToya Lawrence 