Michael Is Mad Because I Never Been Dogged Out By A Man🙀😂😹😁😸

 

 

Asshole still will not move on. He is such a pathetic piece of trash/shit.

And while there are women out there who are indeed whores sex is not a tool or action that can be used against a woman to determine her worth or lower her value.

As he is only able to obtain skanks and shack up with his main skank do not get mad at me for loving myself and having high standards.

Asshole needs to give up with his tired black magic attempts at trying to take away my confidence, strength and dignity as he cannot defeat me. If anything, I am the one who can destroy him spiritually.

This Latin nigger is funny. He think he can drive me crazy with burning candles and shit.

He is very lucky I do not call upon my Orishas anymore. Elegba, Ogun, Orunmila, Oshun and Ochosi would have destroyed his ass!

Asshole did not know I was born with the power of a priestess.

I leave everything to God. Give people enough rope they eventually hang themselves.

Why do I attract some of the most ill fuckers who should have known beforehand that they never stood a chance with me?

They could have saved themselves the wasted effort and self-humiliation of being exposed by one who can literally “read” them.

Voodoo/Black Magic/Witchcraft Does Not Work On Me! The Negativity Does Not Take Affect! My Mind Cannot Be Influenced Or Manipulated By Bullshit. Get That Through Your Fucking Head- Retard!

I have never been hurt mentally or emotionally by any man and I never will be.

To me, a man is nothing to get hurt over.

I am not and never have been the type of girl/lady/woman/female that a man could use or take advantage of I was not wired that way.

I was never weak, docile or naive when it came to men.

I was born with that extra sensory perception, strong spirit of discernment and unconventional individuality that made me unique in my own way.

Of course, anyone can lie and make up stories to tarnish or downgrade someone’s reputation, but no one can ruin anyone unless they allow them to.

Women who share my likeness know when a man means absolutely nothing to her that their petty words and tall tales will not do shit to disturb or affect her.

A reputation is only what people think or believe one to be- character is what truly defines one.

There were and are negative people with a low-mindset- till this day- still jealous of me because I have never been dogged out by any man.

If I were to have had sex with anyone it would have been on my terms and not because of any smooth talk or whatever “game” a man thought he had to use to pull or play a woman.

Like I have said many times before there are women who use men just like some of them use women- they just use one another with no attachment or feelings involved.

There are women who use men for sperm, and it is not about the sex. I know personally a man could never do anything for me sexually.

Unfortunately, sex is the only way to make a baby unless one has the thousands of dollars it takes to go through numerous procedures of invitro fertilization.

A woman does not need a man for sexual pleasure. Women have clitorises they can stimulate and climax with. The instance is perfectly normal and healthy for them to self-explore and know their body.

Of course, every man is not out to hurt, use, deceive, or disgrace a woman when she does not cater to his ego.

There are good, mature, men out there with sense who do not even entertain or possess these certain mindsets/attitudes.

A lot of narcissistic men have deep-rooted psychological and insecurity issues.

Many of them are the way they are on account of their mothers fucking their heads up in the process while they were being raised.

Some of them were not correctly informed by mommy about the diversity within life or some of them were spoiled by mommy in a bad way.

Mommy enabled them and boosted them up in an unrealistic fashion that when they enter the real world to encounter women of substance they cannot cope with the reality.

In other circumstances mommy did not give some of them the love and attention they needed.

 

 

A Guy I Will Never Want Or Desire

Michael Gonzalez and his funky armpits.

 

I am a very honest, straightforward person. If I say or write something it is because it is the truth, what I really think or believe, or suspect is possible.

Never do I or have I ever intentionally expressed anything under false pretense.

Some people may not understand what I mean or where I come from at times- depending on who it is- because I am a very deep, intelligent, and spiritual awake person.

Nevertheless, I speak my mind and am led by spirit to fulfill my purposes. I do know what I am talking about when I speak on things.

I am a forty-seven-year-old female who often gets mistaken for someone in her twenties or thirties. I have never really looked my age in body or in the face.

I even have a young sounding voice when I speak.

I have attracted men of all ages- young and old within the past.

When I was in my thirties eighteen-year-old guys were attracted to me, when I was in my twenties forty and fifty-year-old men were attracted to me.

It never made a difference. To each his or her own I never received any personal gratification from this attention I never wanted it.

Some men found me to be a challenge that they wanted to conquer. Some men just genuinely wanted to be with me because they liked me for my mind, and I was not like the average female once they got to know me a little.

I never placed value on myself based on whether a man approved or desired me. I have never suffered from low self-esteem and have never needed anyone to validate me or to build my assurance.

Self- confidence, self-love, and self-worth are things produced within me. No one gave it to me, and no one can take it away. Everyone should feel this way.

I have no interest in romantic relationships, I am asexual and proud.

Now I want to discuss this issue about Michael Gonzalez because I am being led to by spirit.

As I am a highly spiritually inclined individual I feel and keenly discern people’s energy.

Whenever a man, especially men who are of a negative disposition are attracted, or interested in me- I can feel them, their thoughts, and I can accurately sense things in relation to them in a timely frame.

Michael is an ex-coworker of mine who had, and who still has a “crush” on me. It is nothing serious, but it is annoying.

From the first moment I laid eyes on Michael, I did not find him to be attractive.

He is not a cute guy, and he is not handsome as far as I am concerned. A friend of mine had saw a photo of him and said that he was not attractive to her also but that he seems to think that he is something. Maybe there are low-scale females who find him attractive, however, I do not and never will.

I was very insulted when Michael reflected his insecurities onto me while we worked together by entertaining the ridiculous idea that I could be attracted or interested in him.

I told Michael to his face that I could not stand him, but his inflated ego did not want to believe or accept it even though deep down inside he knew it was the truth.

He even profiled in front of me one day on the job by trying to show off his body that was not appealing to me whatsoever. He got down onto the floor to demonstrate push-ups. The incident turned me off.

The more I had got to know Michael the more I disliked him.

When some men try to impress women, push themselves on them, or try to flaunt themselves when they mistakenly assume that the female likes them, they do not realize how much they make a fool of themselves. It is very off-putting.

When I was younger there were guys (usually low-scale guys because guys of substance do not behave in this manner) who would get angry at me for not wanting them and in return tell lies about me.

There were three who were a problem.

Two lied and said I was involved with them and all three wanted people to believe that I slept with them or had feelings for them- all to make themselves appear big in the eyes of their peers. And, to also try to bring me down since I thought too highly of myself to desire or to be with anyone like them.

Neither one of these guys were desirable they were used to low-scale women such as themselves falling all over them and making a fuss over them due to their own bouts of low self-esteem.

Someone like me, who was of substance and class, added an extra blow to the bruise they received to their egos when they got hurt and rejected by me.

Of course, their efforts did not work so they joined in with the effort to work Brujeria (Black magic/Santeria) on me to try to make me look bad within the public eye, however, I was still too strong, and I successfully defeated all of them at their own game. On top of it, karma came back and destroyed all three of them. One even ended up dead years ago from his negative lifestyle.

No one can bring me down as I never cared what anybody said or thought about me.

I did not have time for that type of bullshit then, and I do not tolerate it now.

Michael is not at all drastic to that extreme his nonsense is mild in comparison, yet still an act of ridiculous nonsense.

With all the serious things going on in the world Michael is hung up on the fact that he cannot attain me.

He would rather believe that I really do have feelings for him and am just fighting it, or that I am playing hard to get, or whatever other delusional bullshit that men feed themselves instead of facing the truth over dealing with reality.

Michael needs to forget about me and realize that a woman of my level and caliber would never be interested or attracted to him.

Michael has a lot of negative energy. He has a very low vibration.

I am a positive person I exude from a very high vibration.

What I also believe is a part of Michael’s insecurities stem from his background of being morbidly obese.

Maybe after he lost weight, he feels he needs something to prove and is overcompensating.

He needs women to be interested or attracted to him to feel like a big man. I just wish he would find some other female to win over to measure or to prove his false sense of pride.

The other women he has been with are easy tramps. He feels if he can get me then he can get anybody. I should in a way take this instance as a compliment, but I am not flattered by it, I am disgusted.

To me, Michael will always be a small, unworthy, pretentious smelly fish swimming in a dirty pond.

I am not trying to be mean I just do not understand the sickness behind and within certain men and women (because there are deceitful, trouble-making women too) who cannot deal with rejection.

A healthy-minded person does not occupy themself with stupid shit like this.

 

What Does Love Have To Do With It?

 

There was a ridiculous double standard I used to hear when I was growing up, one that I knew definitely was not true because I myself naturally did not hold this particular stance.

I used to hear how, when it came to intercourse, how, for females, it would take emotion to be involved for her to become engaged, or that, after a sexual encounter, she would become emotionally attached.

Such a bunch of sexists, insulting nonsense!

I am not saying to hop around for the hell of it for those who burn with lust or the occasional desire for some to have sex, or to have sex for the sole purpose of having a child- as I once considered just using a man to conceive a baby many years ago without any commitment or affection on my part.

What I am saying as a fact is that for a “Virgin” or a woman who is constantly sexually active, or that has been sexually active not too often, she does not necessarily have to have any interest at all in a particular man for her to be able to have sex with him.

It does not mean that she cares for him, and it definitely does not mean that she has any love for him.

Sex and love have nothing to do with one another. They are both two separate things.

Women can have sex with men without having any type of attraction or feelings for them- and without any guilt.

I definitely know this all for a fact.

Some men may not have understood or wanted to have accepted this reality because they were always stereotypically viewed as the ones who primarily used women to get what they wanted. So, it was too much of a bruise to the ego.

Truth is, as it is more out in the open these days- though there are still some with ignorant concepts- it works both ways.

There are men who become emotionally attached through sex whereas others do not, and vice-versa with certain women.

Some men or women do have to have feelings for someone before they go to bed with them.

A woman who has sex with a man who she does not love or care for does not make her a whore either, because there are many different types of circumstances that take place within situations.

Men who are whorish do not normally get called the undesirable whores that they truly are by the majority of society.

There are married couples without love within a marriage. To each his or her own.

Yes, when it comes to God, he intended for intercourse to be between couples tied together through wedlock. Anything outside of this is wrong or immoral to God. He also intended true consideration and dedication to each other. That is why marriage was not to be entered into lightly.

However, we all have our own free-will, gifts, and characteristics.

Some of us are asexual and are completely not into sex. Asexuality is not a sin. Some of us do not want to ever get married. Some want a loving, faithful, life-long relationship. Some just want to run around or have sex without strings attached.

There are possible consequences to actions sometimes, such as venereal disease, crazy people with fatal attractions, violent confrontations over cheating, unwanted pregnancies.

Some of these incidents even take place with married couples.

This is a crazy-mixed up world.

I, as a woman, personally wished that there was no such thing as sexual intercourse and that, as a woman, I would be able to conceive a child naturally on my own if I ever decided to (although I did not or would not want any children at this time in my life- but if I ever had a long time ago). I feel I should not have to share my vagina with anyone, and I know I did not ever have to, my vagina belongs to me.

A little note: There is an actual fish in creation that is by nature able to conceive offspring on its own without the fertilization from a male counterpart.

 

As A Woman I Am My Own Distinct Material

 

I am not a mother. I had been told I would make a good mother if I had children, and I took the remark as a compliment.

Some may even consider me wife material, which can serve as a compliment or an insult, depending on what one’s idea is based on.

I never saw myself as marriage material, as I never had the desire or interest in romance or for stereotypical wifely duties-this nature was never within me.

The old barefoot, pregnant, in the kitchen, outdated image of wife-hood was definitely not a suitable way of life for me either.

Things have changed in this day and age and the definition of wife-material does not necessarily have to be a negative one.

Many secure men appreciate strong, independent women who can hold their own and who can also show love, support and maintain a healthy relationship that produces meaning and growth.

Most of us heard the saying, “You can’t turn a hoe into a housewife”.

Well, I say one cannot turn a virgin or one who is not into sex as a housewife either.

How many sexual partners one has had or not had does not determine one’s sufficiency. It is about one’s mentality and character.

I always knew that my self-esteem or self-worth/value as a female was not defined or dictated by my vagina or men I have never slept with.

Nor did my self-esteem or self-worth depend on what a man or anyone else classified as what was appropriate within their own personal or societal standards.

My vagina is not me; it is only a part of the body that belongs to me. I am the spirit within me, I am an individual having this human experience here on earth.

It is a great offense to suggest that any positive qualities a woman may have are only prized or treasured if a man prefers or desires them.

There are women who have no interest in satisfying a man.

They have no desire to marry or to be in a committed relationship.

Some women are intent on or concerned about developing their own careers, their own personal/spiritual growth, or the fulfillment of what they may want to offer or contribute to the world through their own special purpose.

These types of women do not need the acceptance or approval of a man to feel self-worth and value.

 

 

Hot Topic

 

I speak the truth I can’t help it:

On Friday at work, the television was on. The broadcast discussed the issue of the controversy over abortion.

One of my male elderly clients asked me what my opinion was in regard to abortion.

I told him no one has a right to tell a woman what to do with her body.

He told me that he agreed, and that men need to be held accountable for getting women pregnant.

I did not mention this and- this statement alone may seem harsh or controversial- but it is my truth that I have felt since I was in my teens and will not back down on.

Some people just should have never been born to begin with. The world would be a better place if certain kinds of people did not exist.

Some people need to keep their legs closed and their genitals tamed that goes for both men and women.

 

Happy To Be Single

 

Some people act as if marriage is a badge of honor.

Marriage is an institution I never admired or desired.

I knew since childhood I was not ever going to get married.

The idea of having a boyfriend or lover did not appeal to me either.

I did not want any man sitting up underneath me every day- and I still don’t.

I do not like kissing or cuddling with the opposite sex.

I do not need attention, affection, or support from the opposite sex- I never have. The thought is inconceivable to me.

A romantic relationship with anyone is out of the question there is no chance of it ever happening.

The other person would just be left hurt, disappointed, scorned and/or defeated by their inability to get a rise out of me heart-wise or psychologically if their rejection or hurt initiated them to retaliate against me within any way.

I know this for a fact.

 

 

I have already been through this situation many years ago with men who got mad at me for not wanting them. I was a heart-breaker without a conscious and without even trying to be.

I was not a monster I just do not understand the certain feelings of others that I myself do not have. Nor do I want to understand them when it comes to love relationships.

And- forget about sex! The human penis has always been a huge turn off to me.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. What may look good to one person may not look good to another.

I never cared what anyone thought about the way I looked. I was always considered very attractive but what mattered was that I truly like the way that I looked even if no one else in the world did.

My self-esteem was never built on the judgment of others.

I value myself and I am very self-confident. I value one’s character over anything.

I was born to be single as far as I am concerned.

I am single yet romantically unavailable, I would not have myself any other way.

Self-Love, Confidence  And Fulfillment  Comes From Within

 

Men With The “Wrong Head” On Their Shoulders

 

In my younger days men always chased after me whether they were single, had girlfriends, or even wives it didn’t matter.

A lot of guys liked me, not because all were just interested in sex, they genuinely liked me as a person. They enjoyed my conversation; they were intrigued by my uniqueness.

I had male as well as female associates. Sometimes I even got along better with certain males than I did with females.

Men shared wild and intimate secrets with me. They’d have girlfriends or wives while having other women on the side and etc….

I was upfront with them letting them know that they would never get into my panties.

I had some that were glad I was the way that I was even though it was a bruise to their ego. Some were envious of me, some resented me, some didn’t care- I did not care either.

No one could take advantage of me, no one could get over on me. Everything I did was on my terms or to my advantage. I was never the emotional lovey-dovey type of female. Although I had no problem with expressing how I thought or felt.

I had some very funny and crazy experiences with guys.

There was a neighborhood guy in his fifties that was interested in me when I was in my twenties.

We were sitting in his jeep talking while a crowd of people were there hanging out, talking, enjoying the days of summer.

All of a sudden, he turned the key in the ignition, started the vehicle, and drove around the corner.

I opened the door to the jeep and hopped out as we were halfway down the block (he had not drove too fast as I was able to take a safe leap).

I knew he was going to try to rape me.

 

 

When I was out of the jeep he told me to get back in.

I told him no! “Get back into the jeep so that you can rape me and then everybody say that it was my fault for getting back into the jeep?” I spoke.

“Rape?!” He spoke.

This fifty something year old man then got out of his vehicle and literally chased me around the jeep telling me to get back in.

I purposely ran around the jeep to make an ass out of him. Then I walked back down the block to where the rest of the people were. He was nothing to worry about. He was high, hard-up, and frivolously hell-bent.

My mother and I laughed about it later when I told her what had happened “He was going to get him some ass, huh?!” She relayed back in truth and humor.

My mother acknowledged to me that I was lucky the man didn’t have power-locks in his jeep.

Rape is a serious crime and no laughing matter; however, this man was nothing to take serious in my situation I was in no further danger. I was well-known in the neighborhood; people knew him and what he was about. He definitely knew better. I was a hangout partner with his sister whom he didn’t get along too well with.

This man and I ran into one another weeks later as I were on my way to the store, he was parked on the corner and called me over to the car.

I brought up the prior incident.

“Rape?!” He said like the suggestion I made was preposterous in order to through me off. He wanted to make me feel foolish. Of course, it did not work.

“There is too much pussy out here to rape”, he added out of anger.

When I did not back down and insisted on what he aimed to do he exclaimed, “I don’t want you!”

Then he admitted that by his last words he was just trying to hurt my feelings.

“My feelings are not hurt”, I expressed. “Why would I care if you want me or not?”

“Yeah, that could be true. You women can be cold”, he expressed back in return.

I, LaToya did not understand this man’s mentality at all. I did not understand the ignorance.

When I told a male associate the story he automatically knew instinctively as he addressed to me, “He was going to rape you”.

Months later, the fifty-year-old man’s sister came to me and told me that another female came to her and told her that her brother tried to rape her too. I and this other targeted girl did not personally know one another but I had seen her in the neighborhood before.

In return, the sister told the girl that she had heard about it before (through me but she did not tell the girl where she heard about it from).

The man’s sister told me that her brother trying to rape this other woman was not relevant because of her notorious promiscuous sexual behavior.

I disagree.

As far as I am concerned, even a prostitute does not deserve to be raped even though she may be asking for it depending on her situation.

If a woman does not consent to having sex, then no man has the right to force himself on the woman regardless of her sexual history.

Rape is an act of violence and control.

 

 

 

 

Unwed

I knew ever since childhood that I would never grow up to get married. The desire was never within my heart.

I didn’t even want to have a boyfriend. I still don’t, and I never will.

I don’t believe that marriage and intimate sexual relationship is for everybody.

I do believe as I always have that there are men who don’t have sex until they are married and men who don’t- and have never cheated on their wives.

Some may believe that is a naive view to hold, but in reality, it is not. The majority of men may not fit into this category, though, there are far too many men in the world for them all to be sexually promiscuous and cheaters.

People seek out marriage for many different reasons depending on culture and personal values. I just never saw a purpose for the undertaking in my life.

I never felt the need for a man to make me happy. I never believed happiness came from a man. I always found happiness from within my spirit. I never felt the need for a man to complete me (which I don’t understand the void in certain women who do feel this way.) I naturally felt whole and complete within myself as an individual.

I’ve never even understood the concept of falling in love with a man. I’ve fell in love with a puppy before, but never a man. I don’t have those feelings or sexual desires and I am perfectly happy that way.

When I read in the bible as a youngster of Paul’s statements in regard to it being “better not to marry” in 1 Corinthians 7:40 I could identify with his words and considered it a gift indeed to not have any sexual or romantic need.

In a world where I was considered not normal for not wanting to get married or to have sex, I was proud and unbothered.

Yes, each of you should remain as you were when God called you.

God paid a high price for you, so don’t be enslaved by the world. Each of you, dear brothers and sisters, should remain as you were when God first called you.

Now regarding your question about the young women who are not yet married. I do not have a command from the Lord for them. But the Lord in his mercy has given me wisdom that can be trusted, and I will share it with you. Because of the present crisis, I think it is best to remain as you are.

I want you to be free from the concerns of this life. An unmarried man can spend his time doing the Lord’s work and thinking how to please him. But a married man has to think about his earthly responsibilities and how to please his wife. His interests are divided. In the same way, a woman who is no longer married or has never been married can be devoted to the Lord and holy in body and in spirit. But a married woman has to think about her earthly responsibilities and how to please her husband. I am saying this for your benefit, not to place restrictions on you. I want you to do whatever will help you serve the Lord best, with as few distractions as possible.

But in my opinion it would be better for her to stay single, and I think I am giving you counsel from God’s Spirit when I say this. -1 Corinthians 7:20-40

Yes, and also as a woman, and a human being, I am so glad that not having a desire for marriage is not a sin. If I was interested, I would have had a very hard time obeying any man and having him as head over me within my personal life. I was never the subservient type and too independent.

I enjoy the single life where I am just fully committed and aligned with being fully obedient to God. –latoya lawrence

Sex

Run from sexual sin! No other sin so clearly affects the body as this one does. For sexual immorality is a sin against your own body. -1 Corinthians 6:18

Fornication has for years run rampant and it is definitely classified as immoral behavior within the bible.

I am not at all being judgmental when I say this, but I never understood why sex was so out of control in society.

Sex is overly advertised and heavily encouraged. It has always been a thing craved, and tempted by.

I understand God created intercourse to be an enjoyable way for people who are married to express their passion and to reproduce, but the nature of it and the act itself has always been something that turned me off.

I was repulsed at an early age even by animals engaging in the act.

From my perspective I just don’t understand why sex captured the world so popularly.

People hopping from one person to another for a sensation is plain nasty.

To me, a tongue kiss is even disgusting.

Babies

He does not punish us for all our sins; he does not deal harshly with us, as we deserve. For his unfailing love toward those who fear him is as great as the height of the heavens above the earth. He has removed our sins as far from us as the east is from the west. The LORD is like a father to his children, tender and compassionate to those who fear him. For he knows how weak we are; he remembers we are only dust. -Psalms 103:10-14

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A baby is a blessing whether born inside or outside of wedlock and psalms 139:13-16 pertains to children conceived under both circumstances.

I played with dolls as a child with no desire to have a baby when I had gotten older.

Then, for a period of time in early adulthood, I considered having one.

The only problem was I wanted a baby/child without having a husband.

I didn’t want to get married. I wanted to be a single mother. I wanted to have a daughter of my own just like I cherished the close and loving relationship shared between my mother and I in a single parent home raised with the rest of our family.

I didn’t have the money needed for invitro fertilization at a sperm bank and I didn’t want any continuous sexual relationship or commitment.

I had been acknowledging during my teenage years to those who inquired why I didn’t have a boyfriend or didn’t want a husband that, “The only reason I would ever have sex is to conceive a child”.

I was a virgin and content. Even within a marriage I didn’t want to be sexually intimate. I knew I was asexual and there is no sin in asexuality.

I had no intention to have sex unless it was to make a baby and I sincerely wished as a woman I didn’t have to have intercourse in order to have a baby.

Now, we all know there is sin according to God when it comes to premarital sex. I thought it was unfair to have to be with a man to get pregnant.

A lot of people thought my feelings and thoughts were strange, many had never heard of young ladies speaking in that fashion. The majority of girls were interested in guys and sex. My statement was not common I was even told that I was rare.

As I look back, I am so grateful to God that it never happened and I didn’t bring a child into the world. I really didn’t need one, it was just a passing fancy.

The circumstance went against his plan anyhow as I wanted to do things my way with having a child out of wedlock. I absolutely refused the idea of marriage.

I wouldn’t had truly wanted any precious baby of mine being born into this evil and cruel, sick world.

But if we confess our sins to him, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins and to cleanse us from all wickedness. -1 John 1:9

Marriage

And further, submit to one another out of reverence for Christ. For wives, this means submit to your husbands as to the Lord. For a husband is the head of his wife as Christ is the head of the church. He is the Savior of his body, the church. As the church submits to Christ, so you wives should submit to your husbands in everything. For husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her to make her holy and clean, washed by the cleansing of God’s word. He did this to present her to himself as a glorious church without a spot or wrinkle or any other blemish. Instead, she will be holy and without fault. In the same way, husbands ought to love their wives as they love their own bodies. For a man who loves his wife actually shows love for himself. No one hates his own body but feeds and cares for it, just as Christ cares for the church. And we are members of his body. As the Scriptures say, “A man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” This is a great mystery, but it is an illustration of the way Christ and the church are one. So again I say, each man must love his wife as he loves himself, and the wife must respect her husband. -Ephesians 5:21-33

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God originally designed the first couple to be the perfect union between a man and a woman to form the beautiful foundation of the family.

They were meant to love one another purely, and to live in utter peace, blessing and happiness to honor God.

When the fall came the sanctity of the union and its elements became tainted.

In a world full of sin -totally contrary to how life was divinely arranged- people do what they want to do and live how they want live, however, God’s standards haven’t changed.

What is called “marriage” today is still intended to be the loving, unselfish, respectful, God-honoring union between a man and a woman. It is the covenant in which sexual intercourse and the conception of offspring should only take place within.

The only difference, and huge problem now, compared to the beginning of creation is that we no longer live within an ultimate state of glory. Our world is cursed and as a people we are far from perfect. So, there will always be discord, incompatibility, disappointment, acts of volition and etc…. in all walks of life within all situations.

Marriage is hard work. Yet, it is still considered a wonderful institution to those who are truly dedicated to each other and who take their relationship seriously.

God made certain instructions to live by in order to keep us safe and healthy because he loves us. Nevertheless, the same kind of sin goes on within certain marriages that goes on outside of marriage.

There are married couples who decide to proceed with abortions if they don’t want or no longer desire to have any more children.

There are married couples who commit adultery regularly or who have had an affair some time or another.

Marriage doesn’t prevent couples from getting venereal diseases, and it doesn’t guarantee people to be spared of any other repercussion or action that others do outside of wedlock.

It is about putting God first by surrendering to his authority and obeying his guidance for our lives that make circumstances and situations turn out more favorable. In doing what God advises we are able to avoid many unnecessary troubles and complications.

We are always going to have difficulties in this world but if we let God lead and take control things work out for the best, according to his plan.

 

A “Lady” Is Not “Truly” Defined By Her Sexual History

Daily Living, By Miss LaToya

In my opinion, sexual intercourse is a stupid act as I consider a man and his penis totally undesirable.

Nevertheless, I am a very intelligent and logical open-minded woman who knows there are a lot of females who are interested in men and sex, or who may just use men for sex whether they want to have a child or they may just want to get their kicks off.

I can still elaborate common sense to a subject in which makes no sense.

I don’t care what anyone does with their lives or with their bodies as it is of no concern to me, in spite of that fact, as a societal issue and as a woman/lady myself I am inspired to express on this subject.

I’m not at all saying that attitudes will ever change, but that I, and I am quite sure many others, absolutely do not…

View original post 722 more words

(God) A Supernatural Bully

I am and always was blessed within many ways at the same time had to undergo unnatural encounters just because of the person that I am.

I’m glad not to be average and that I’m unique in my own right. I don’t owe anyone anything and I didn’t ask to come into this world to share within a life with other human beings with different natures and various mindsets.

The Lord did me no favor whatsoever as in my dreams when I sleep display and explain more beauty and meaning than on this earthly plane that he created.

God didn’t ask my permission in order for me to come here so I don’t need his while I have to remain here. Like I said, he didn’t do me any favor, this world isn’t a paradise that I should be ever so grateful to exist in.

The world in its dreadful condition is grotesquely overpopulated as it is with all kinds of shit. From disgusting insects to disgusting animals, disgusting principalities, and disgusting people.

Life is often times strange, unfair, and full of circumstantial misinterpretation and situations that compromise the lives of people on account of the ignorance or biases of others.

It seemed irresponsible to me to have us all here on the earth together why not keep the compatible in one section and the incompatible in other sections let everyone have their own suitable accomodating place of habitat.

Why be made to live a life or in a condition that one truly doesn’t want to be in? I loathe God, I truly do, and for more reasons than one, and I feel so insulted to be one that was created in his perverted formation of a plan.

From the beginning by designing a man and a woman to be together and to have sex, and having to have sex to have children, is all a turn off to me. Cutting up animals in the old days to atone for a sin since the wages for transgressions was death there had to be bloodshed so finally Jesus eventually came and did the ultimate sacrifice, all a bunch of sick shit to me.

But I guess I’m suppose to be crazy for not liking or agreeing with a God and within the fashion in which he made things to occur.

One thing is for certain and that is that I genuinely do love myself. When I look back on my life as a child I’ve noticed how disrespected I was by God and how I never trusted in him because I knew deep down inside that he was no good.

He disrespected me and my life one time too many by altering my destiny, using his trash to assist him, and by placing too many undesirables within my pathways, knowing the extent of my hatred toward them.

I always wondered who the fuck he thought he was as I never thought too highly of him or his reasoning. As I have the gifts to see I never saw anything special or perfect within him.

It is said that God makes no mistakes and if that is so that is a dangerous reality. At least if he made errors I could give him the benefit of the doubt but since his intentions are meant as what is suppose to be right it shows me just how wrong he is as a creator.

God is a disgrace and it clearly shows within his creation.

It seems to me I’m too headstrong for him whereas his trash caters to his demented teachings as they are twisted too.

If his words are so true why am I happier without him? If his words are so true why do I have peace of mind without him? If his words are so true why is the energy around me good without him?

I didn’t began to really live until I recognized my true love and light and separated myself from God’s oppressing grip and because I’ve broken free (years ago) and confirmed his unsavory nature he doesn’t want me to live the life that I am suppose to fully receive.

So even though he adheres to keep me stuck in a rut the rut does not adhere to stick to my spirit.

I’d rather live my life within truth, love, and strength and be cheated from what I truly deserve than to live within lies, unhappiness, and weakness just to be given an abundance of riches for being a mindless flunky only to serve and praise a God that is not worthy to be glorified.

If one could take away God’s power where would that leave him if he didn’t have all that supernatural weight to throw around and bully with? If he was void of his mighty energy to manifest how many would fear him then? -miss latoya lawrence

 

 

Natural

Ever since I was a young child I knew that if there was something that I didn’t want within my life then the situation was not going to work out.

Only the things that I preferred and under the circumstances in which I truly desired would instances turn out favorably and long lasting to my concordance.

I was never the type of female that ever hoped to one day get married and have children. I didn’t initially yearn to be a mother, when the idea later on within young adulthood came into mind to have a child it was with the intention of being a single parent, yet I eventually changed my mind about having a baby altogether and it was the right choice for me.

If I did have a child though it definitely would have been on my own without a man involved in the picture.

I fortunately grew up in a home without my father present and that is the way I liked it as I grew up strong, confident, independent and liberated-not implying that females that are raised in homes with their father’s can’t turn out that way-it was just an advantage that served a great purpose for me.

When I was little I never wished for or thought about having a dad around and when I saw other children that parents were married or together as a couple it was a situation that I didn’t require to be in I was very content and accustomed to my family order with me and my mom.

I wasn’t alone either there were other kids like me whose mothers raised them without a father it was normal to us. I can’t speak on how they actually felt about the matter, however, everything suited me just fine.

My mother never had any problems out of me I was a good child.

One thing I hated though was when guys were attracted to me or interested in me whether their intentions were good or bad I didn’t care, I wasn’t flattered by any of the attention I was genuinely turned off by it.

And it feels so good that I don’t have to go through undesirable and unsavory individuals who use to send to me the annoying invasions of mind transference through voodoo/black magic.

They had been doing it within many ways for many years within different techniques but with the same motives and that was to bring me down to their level. Whether it was to attempt to lower my self esteem or to get me to have feelings for a man they worked hard at it and failed miserably.

These people were jealous and resentful because I’d never been hurt or dogged out by a man as so many of them had even the guys were envious and jealous of me they all figured if I was in the same predicament as they were I couldn’t or wouldn’t think that I was better than any of them.

They were also jealous and envious of my intelligence and knowledge and where I could go within life if and when the opportunity arose.

They had such a warped sense of mindset that didn’t correspond with mine in the least if they had succeeded in their designs I’d still be the person who I am today with the same mentality no man could ever break me or kill my spirit. I wasn’t built within that fashion.

If I were interested in men I’d be able to get a good man and would only deal with one that was on my level, however, I’m proudly asexual and am fulfilled and complete as a woman and an individual.

 

Not So Strange To Me But True

When I enter into one of my female resident’s room she frequently tells me how very pretty I am and that I must have a lot of boyfriends and a lot of sex.

And I asked her why does she say that and she answered to me because that is all that attractive people do and I found that comment awful strange considering the fact that looks don’t seem to have any bearing on how much sexual activity one gets.

I’ve seen plenty of ugly men and women with girlfriends and boyfriends and so many of them with children just look around everywhere you go, and they had to have had sex in order to have gotten those kids, I highly doubt that the majority of them went to sperm banks.

I told her no that I don’t have a lot of boyfriends just admirers and that I do not desire to have a boyfriend. So she asked me if I was a lesbian and I told her no that I was asexual that I don’t like men or women and that the human penis turns me off. She told me that she liked the penis and that she use to love to have sex and to not tell everybody how I felt because people would think that I was crazy and I told her that she was a very smart lady.

I had been told that before by another older woman to not tell nobody that I never had any feelings for a man and that if I did get involved with one at that time I would just use him to conceive a child but she wasn’t telling me to not say anything out of people thinking that I was crazy but because it would cause animosity toward me with certain men and even ignorant judgmental women.

She just didn’t want me to have to go through anymore unnecessary problems with undesirables than I was already going through and I understood but at that time I had already proudly let the cat out of the bag about how I felt even though some things I guess are better left unsaid and kept quiet just to keep the peace.

In spite of that I have to be free regardless and I don’t have any regrets in revealing the truth.

For all of my life since I was a child I have honestly never cared what anyone ever said or thought about me and it had always showed within my state of being and I know that is rare with most people in this day and age because a lot of individuals are bothered and affected by the thoughts and actions of others toward them.

Nevertheless, within my extreme uniqueness and creativity within thought, personality, and character I have been called a “far from crazy” individual with “exceptional sense” straight to my face by those who felt the need to express what they had observed through my presence and by my talent and knowledge.

Yet my knowledge, talents and presence have not always been appreciated by some, especially the undesirables-but who actually cares-I know that I don’t! That fact is not going to stop me from breathing and surviving, it is not what is feeding me, clothing me or paying my bills. And it is definitely not something that I need to support my peace and happiness!

We all have opinions though and all of our views, of course, are not going to be agreed upon or accepted by others and our opinions and perspectives may even seem or make us appear to be crazy to certain others and vise versa but a wide range of diversity is what makes the world go round even though there is much unneeded and unwanted variety and assortment that the world can do without.

One topic that I do not understand is when it comes to the penis, what is so alluring about it among so many? I always thought that the male organ was such an unpleasant thing to see testicals and all.

I would not even bring up the subject, however, I couldn’t help it because every time I’d assist one of my male residents with a urinal, catheter or diaper I couldn’t help be reminded to think “This is what women go crazy over?!”. “This is what so many women need and desire?!”

The sight of a penis actually makes me want to puke and that nasty shit that spurts out from it (the ejaculations and discharges) I wouldn’t want that going up inside of me constantly or continuously.

It is unfortunately a part of how we come into the world and I am plenty aware that there is so much to human biology that is absolutely amazing but the fact that the soul is the actual sustaining life force and the body is just the temporary living shell gives me comfort in knowing that I am so much more than part of a male’s DNA.

And we can be partially made up of an individual without having any of their traits (https://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2015/09/10/go-figure-food-for-thought/), thank goodness!

As a young girl and as a woman I had always actually wished that life was made up within a different fashion I wished it could be that if I as a female had to reproduce that I would be able to get pregnant on my own without any sperm just by a more pure method and natural independent process. I know that I am not the only woman/girl who feels or who has felt this way it is a huge world that we live in and whatever I may think or feel there is always someone else out there who has had that same thought and feeling. This particular issue may not be that common, but it is so.

To me, the only beautiful thing that I read in the bible was Mary getting pregnant by the holy spirit, why couldn’t it had been that way in general getting pregnant without having to have sex and having to incorporate semen?

I do not have any children and I am glad that I don’t. I don’t want any child of mine coming here into the world the way that it is today.

To me sex is sick, and it is also a mind thing, because what is so necessary about having another human being on top of you intertwined thrusting back and forth-that is just my honest opinion.

And that is all it is my opinion!

LaToya’s Autumn

It is in all seasons to “bloom” whether it is winter, spring summer or fall.

Welcome to my world and to the chronicles of my life as an unconventional individual who is not afraid to be herself, who is not afraid to speak her mind, and most of all, who is not afraid to speak the definite truth as I continue to share my experience.

Enter into the pages of a caulbearer, enter into the pages of jealousy, enter into the pages of creativity and purpose, enter into the pages of voodoo and black magic, enter into the pages of asexuality, enter into the pages of spirituality, and enter into the pages of reality.

A reality for those in particular that may interests many of us, a reality that may surround many of us, a reality that recognizes many of us, a reality that describes many of us, a reality that inspires many of us, a reality that puts many of us not within the average category and a reality that many of us can relate to.

And it is all coming from a person (me) with firsthand experience in these circumstances and situations, and who knows that you (those in particular) are “indeed not” crazy yet living and maintaining within a crazy, outrageous world full of very sick and ignorant people, along with very malignant evil forces and unnatural energies, as well as the natural. Visit LaToya’s Autumn

Tramp

Everywhere that I go there have always been males who were very attracted to me all through out my life and still till this day yet I was never fazed by the circumstance. It had made no difference to me as I was very secure and wasn’t romantically interested in anyone in no way whatsoever.

Of course, there are males who can find a female attractive and give her a compliment without having any romantic or sexual intentions behind their observation. I’ve experienced that situation on many of occasion with males and even females who had approached me genuinely out of the kind propensity to express their own opinion.

A lot of people do it “Oh, he or she is so cute”, “Hey gorgeous”, and so on.

Some of that nonsense is at times also bullshit that people use both by men and women in order to flatter and/or to court for reasons that are calculating (some even do it just for fun to cruelly or trivially mock someone) as I have heard and witnessed the most unattractive of beings get called “beautiful” which in a variety of obvious fashions is considered to be pretty within appearance to many, including me.

I could never help whatever male that it was that had became attracted to me it wasn’t my fault especially the ones that were married or already involved within a type of relationship of one or more, however, when their female counterparts catch wind of their mate’s wandering eye and act out upon it within an irrational manner that is an entirely different story completely.

I remember how the assistant manager of a department store where I once worked at was extremely attracted to me and had desired me sexually he was so nervous one time that he had stumbled upon his words as we were talking. He was a married man who’d cheat on his wife but I just took advantage of the position within the store that he had the power to give to me and kept everything on a strictly professional level as I received good recognition on the job for being an exceptional employee whereas other females of a trashy nature would have flirted back and have been gratified and able to have been cajoled.

The assistant manager was not a good man but he knew that I was not the kind that was “idle” or apt to fall for any superficially inspired game and I do give him the benefit of the doubt for giving me the proper credit that I did deserve in my workplace.

Other degenerate cheats that hooked up with unattractive weak-minded whores that had taken their insecurities out on me I would never give any type of regard to as most of them liked to perpetuate a situation by playing the roles of instigator since I did not want or desire any of them at all.

Instead of laying blame on their own partner that they were sexually linked to or involved with they’d entertain the hunger to unreasonably “have it out with me” (they actually knew better than to come up and approach me) even though I didn’t personally know any of them all. Skanky males always recruit chicks that are dumber than they are in order to train and manipulate them through their own flaws of vulnerability.

These whores with low self esteem allow themselves to be pimped (used and abused) and propositioned. Isn’t it also something how women with derogatory backgrounds have the nerve to downgrade other woman with no history of promiscuous behavior by indeed calling them whores, and their equally warped male counterparts treating their sluts with more respect than they would toward a decent woman merely because their whores cater to their every whim and feed into the core of their outrageous male egos?

I recall a girl that got a job where I worked just to get a look at me because she knew that her man was interested in me and her “player” of a boyfriend constantly fed off of her lack of self confidence. She broke her neck to catch glimpses of me and one day grabbed a paper towel, threw it in the garbage, and then walked out of the employee bathroom the moment she spotted me up at the sink washing my hands after I had used the toilet.

She was so intimidated by me that she didn’t even use the rest room, knowing that she had to pee, and wiping her hands upon entering into the bathroom without even had wet or washed her hands, later on she passed by the area in which I worked within for me to see her.

At the end of our shift we happened to had ridden the same public bus together and I got a good look of her. Two days later she fought with her boyfriend as she was jealous over me. Instead of being worried over me she should have been more concerned over the job that she was unable to keep. This female only had worked two days spaced apart every other week yet could not hold up the position that she obviously must have not been qualified for.

After I encountered her once more there at the job (she gave me a phony smile of greeting) she disappeared and I never saw her again from then on.

Oh, how these tramps let the men in their lives make the most absolute fools out of them?

 

Lust Spell:(https://ladylatoya.wordpress.com/2016/02/22/lust-spell/)

 

The Perils Of Lust

Aside from the ignorant, sick, miserable, envious and jealous kind normal healthy and/or productive people do not care and aren’t even really concerned about what is going on within the lives of others or interfering in the success or progress of another.

Some frankly do not give a hoot or could care less whether someone is or happens to become successful or not, I know that I am that way, and that is a very rational mode of approach in my opinion.

Most levelheaded people are too wrapped up in their own personal affairs and are preoccupied with their own functional or dysfunctional existence and well-being.

I really doubt they’d waste time and harbor what is of no importance to them. The happiness or sadness of another would play no significant role in where it was not warranted.

Normal, healthy and/or productive people also do not go around making rules for other folks. Who is anyone to set the principles that govern another individual’s conduct? Who has the authority to set regulations that govern another individual’s specific activity?

So many other people do not even share the same mindset.

Judgments and accusation therefore would have no relevance to a standard that meets a particularly bias approval (Tell that to the ill-minded folk who entertain jealousy, envy, and irrational resentment, though).

Sex and lust are two completely different things and one has nothing to do with the other, just as sex and love are two completely different things and have absolutely nothing to do with each other.

Now people who feel a type of love for someone may want to have sex and people who feel a type of desire or passion for someone may want to have sex. Nevertheless, the two things are not one in the same.

People have sex for different reasons and some of the reasons may have entirely nothing to do with emotion. People have sex with people that they do not love, who they are not genuinely attracted to,  and who they absolutely have no lust/sexual desire for.

There are women and men who indulge in intercourse primarily to reproduce or to just please their partner (depending on the relationship or whatever the relationship may be based upon), there are prostitutes and people who have intercourse in exchange for money (based on a profession or lifestyle situation), and there are those who just have intercourse as their own source of pleasure and fun.

Sexual activity has always been a topic of discussion whether it be regarding controversy or morality. And it is a topic that many get judged upon the most.

I’ve always been judged for the things that I was not doing amongst the particular and having sex was one of them. I am a grown woman and if I were a sexual person what would intercourse take away from me?

Sex would not take away my intellect. Sex would not take away my strength. Sex would not take away my capabilities. Sex is just what it is “Sex”. It is not sex itself that serves as the problem but it is the mentality and/or emotional stability or instability and even maturity of the individual who takes part in the act.

Some people are not able to handle sex. Some people are too weak-minded and get sexually whipped or fall in what they perceive to be as love.

Lust is the root of sickness within many people and they take sex way too far out of context. They need it and they cannot live or do without it. So many people jump from one partner to another to one that has become too many.

Venereal diseases have run rampant and is the reason that so many individuals are so extra psycho/sick/crazy/ill. The advanced stages of various STDs have literally went straight to their heads/brains permanently altering and scarring their mental faculties.

There is nothing wrong for not having or not wanting/desiring to have sexual intercourse in this day and age. And no one has the right to harass and/or meddle into the business (their jobs, lifestyle, and progress) of someone who may be a harsh reminder of what they are obviously not and will never be.

 

 

 

My Vaginal “Lips” Are Lovely Wrapped And Sealed In Contentment And Bliss/No Toleration For Love Or Lust Spells!

“You’re going to be a heart-breaker when you break out of your shell”, a few male associates who were in their thirties and forties had told me when I was in my early twenties, harmlessly mistaking what they may have interpreted as shyness for indifference.

“You’re going to have it your way”, another guy in his forties told me.

“How do you know?” I asked, testing him.

“Because, I know women”, he said in return.

A psychic even told me that in a romantic relationship that I was the one who would, and who was suppose to have the upper-hand.

I had already known these revelations due to knowing my self very thoroughly. I never at all was a self conscious or insecure type of female; I never had any reason to be.

I was always very strong, confident, aggressive, intelligent, and beautiful to my own liking. I never cared about what anybody thought about me or what they thought about the way that I looked.

As long as I am satisfied with myself that is utterly all that matters.

Naturally and proudly born asexual, I have absolutely no romantic or sexual interest and desire in anyone whether it be male or female. And who cares, right? I sure know that I do not, I am very happy and at peace. I was meant to be in this specific mode of life and would not have it any other way whatsoever. Yet there are disturbed individuals who cannot accept my lifestyle even though that it does not concern or pertain to them and is absolutely none of their business!, Particularly the degenerate/demonic male gender and quite a few dogged out jealous females who didn’t know their own vaginas from a jack-hammered whole in the ground.

Sadly enough these males are jealous of my “Twat” and because they cannot talk about me. They never had me sexually and never will, and the few guys that may have lied about me wish so undoubtedly that they could.

Anyhow no man could ever destroy or dog me out, it is not within my nature, if anything I would be the one to dog him out and destroy him!

Lies mean nothing truth holds weight.

Men and women have told me for the way that I looked that they didn’t expect for me to not have been in relationships, or did not understand why I wasn’t out there and wanting to mingle. It simply just wasn’t my thing, so unnatural and ridiculous unto me!

When I was in my early twenties I took a really good look in the mirror at my self and saw what everyone else at the time had seen and what I was not really paying any attention to, and I honestly admitted that I felt too darn good about myself to let any male have sex with me.

So I had thought just the opposite, why waste my cute self on a man?

I still feel this way till this day, and I do not want or plan to have any children at this time right now in my life, if I did I’d go to a sperm bank, and if I couldn’t I would not resort to sexual contact with a man-that sure is for certain.

Black magic has been tried on me so many times and in so many repetitive fashions in such a derogatory (tricks to stimulate my vagina to give me sensations down there) and pathetic endeavor to try to change my mind and desires regarding my sexuality.

Silly “lust” spells that failed to work, and stereotypical “caring” spells to break my strength, confidence, and identity within who I am as a individual woman-and because of how it contradicts what is the norm in general/average society.

On the 22nd of October on a Tuesday I had went out to take care of some errands. The next Wednesday night I had a dream of the light-complexioned Haitian guy with the hazel/green eyes who I’ve written about in the past here https://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/rituals/,

Here https://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/the-visionsthe-messagesthe-knowledge/,

And here https://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2012/11/16/dirty-rotten-and-pitiful/

He was trying to hold me down on a bed in darkness-as a shadow covered and outlined his body-to make me feel comfortable, relaxed and pleasant as he sucked the left side of my neck then tried to stick inside his tainted penis.

This degenerate wants to have intercourse with me so bad that it is a shame; one cannot get any sicker than him. He has been doing and trying to self-perform sex spell acts and spells on me here and there for years with no avail.

His raggedy funky “cockifritos” (fried penis in my terms) never penetrated me in this vision of warning, a sign of my disgust and resistance.

The night after on Thursday, he tried to send the dark energies and illusions of a tarantula to seize and attack me upon my sleep.

Friday, Oct 25th I went out again to run a few errands and the next night on Saturday I dreamed of him again! I had the strongest feeling that I would since I had caught him in his previously failed attempt just as I usually do.

Another of sex dreams of course, him not getting the opportunity to penetrate yet hesitantly and verbally stating his wistful intentions, “I had that”.

Sunday night I had a vision of a Halloween prop that hung upon his bedroom wall right before I closed my eyes to retire and just knew that he would give another hand at the effort to resend his weak-minded mechanism involving the large spider.

Sure enough during the early hours of the morning this happened at the same exact time as the other occurrences around 4:20 a.m.

I don’t think it was 5:20 a.m. it is possible because when I looked at the clock it was in the dim lit of my room, but I am pretty sure it was definitely at four twenty in the morning.

A Few Responses To My Mother And Daughter Relationship Post

https://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/the-mother-and-daughter-relationship/

Tulan on Fri, 04/05/2013 – 18:18.

I was without a father, also, but I always longed for a dad. All my friends had dads and I missed having one, although my mother and I had a great relationship.I felt like I missed out.

LaToya on Fri, 04/05/2013 – 23:44.

Thanks for sharing your story. It is always nice to observe and hear another person’s personal perspective. I did know my father and I had met his family yet I felt absolutely no type of connection to them as they were not at all my class of people to want to be around. And I am glad that he was not in my life. I did not miss out on anything as far as he was concerned. I am very sure though that many females have loved having their fathers around. To each his or her own. Sorry that you did not get the chance to experience what you felt you missed out on.

oreiro on April 07th, 2013 @ 03:51 pm

Very good. Very strong.
Like it.
and I can agree with you (Ihave got a doughter), but I am also divorced when she was 2yrs and tobe honest – girls need fathers.

It’s my opinion, you’ve got your own and that’s good. I don’t know you, but I see what you write here and I can say – you wrote absolutely true things – your Mum has done a good job in upbringing you and you will do the same with yours children!!!
….(but it doesn’t mean that doughters don’t need fathers…)

LaToyaLawrence on April 07th, 2013 @ 04:04 pm

I agree with you completely. There are daughters that do indeed need a father figure within their lives. We are all different. I have no disagreements with what you said.

itdawn69 on April 07th, 2013 @ 04:34 pm

The bond between a mother and daughter is great. However, I have to say that a strong father figure in a daughter’s life makes a difference. I have seen little girls grow up with no father and find that they do not know what a good relationship between a man and woman looks like. How can she choose a good husband or boyfriend? This is my opinion but a child girl or boy needs to have two parents so that they can see how love grows and how men and women should inter act with each other. My daughter was raised with two parents and her views on relationships and even sex are different from her friends who did not have a two parent home. I am not saying a child can not develop and mature ok in a single parent home but it is hard for one person to be both mother and father to a child. Children do not come with manuals so we just have to work with what we have and hope that our children turn out good.

LaToyaLawrence on April 09th, 2013 @ 11:52 am

Like I said we are all indeed different. I have grown up with males and females. I know who my father was and I still do.

However, I did not ever have a need for him. And love comes naturally. There is no set standard within how a man and a woman love one another.

I personally was born Asexual so I never had any sexual attraction or desire for any man. And I am very proud of that.

If I ever had any children no father will be involved because that is my prerogative. What comes out of my body belongs to me. I would go to a sperm bank.

And society in my opinion is not a good example of the male and female roles as it is often bias. I am more into what is natural than as to what is generalized.

To me the union between a man and a woman is unnatural and undesirable. And that has absolutely nothing to do with me not growing up around a father figure.

There have been plenty of men who were interested in me who were shocked to see that I was not the average female.

I have an entirely different mentality and I always knew a whole lot about different types of men and people because I am very intelligent and I was born with a caul/veil (the gift of second-sight).

No one has ever been able to put anything over on me.

I knew things that women who regularly dealt with men did not know about them.

There have been fathers of other young females and uncles of other young females who have told me that they wish that their female relatives were like me because many of them were getting dogged out and messed over by men.

A father even told me that he wished he had of brought his daughter over to talk to me before he found out that she had went and got pregnant at the age of eighteen.

He informed that he would have made her get an abortion if his wife had not kept the pregnancy hidden from him to a more later time.

There are many stories that I can tell.

However, to each his or her own, but this is a huge world and society and I definitely know for a fact that particular females do not at all need any male influence within the home to be productive and knowledgeable within the certain areas of life. And I am very firm on that because I am living proof!

There are certain things that men just do not understand when it comes to a female-I’m speaking from personal experience.

Some females who are too emotional and insecure make it bad for other women who are just the opposite.

All women do not get sexually attached to men through sex. All women do not get hurt if men mess around with other women, some do not even care.

Words like bitch and whore are not offensive to me yet many women do get offended by those words and men think that they can hurt a woman by saying those things.

Many women are brainwashed by the male influence. I could go on but I do not need to write a novel.

People will and are going to think what they want to think.

I am just very glad that I am very open-minded and that I am not limited and do not let anyone persuade my judgement in life.

No one can tell me anything that contradicts what I have experienced and what I know through insight, wisdom, and perception.

Proud To Be Asexual/The Liberating Truth About My Asexuality

I was a very cute little girl growing up. And young males were always attracted to me. Always bothering me.

Whereas I found the behavior of the opposite sex quite annoying most females would have enjoyed the attention.

When I was coming up in the 1980’s many of the children living around me within my neighborhood were having sex at a very early age.

One of the youngest girls that I knew of at the time was about the age of eight. The boy whom she had had sexual relations with was at the age of either ten, or eleven.

They both lived on the same street that I was living on. Neither one of their parents were good examples of what a mother or father should have been.

Anything of a sexual nature was the last thing that had ever crossed into my mind. I was a very content child, enjoying my life, playing with my barbie dolls, and loving the puppy that I had.

I had a very good mother who took care of me and who had gave me her undivided love and attention. I never went out looking for love, affection, or attention. I did not have to. I was a very secure young person.

If I did lack the love and attention that every child should have, and that every child deserves from their parent. I definitely would not have searched for it by spreading my legs to any young or old man who had acquired to come along. That would have just been totally absurd in my opinion.

As I was getting older and reaching into my late teenage years I had still found the amorous behavior of the males to be annoying. All that I knew was that I was not at the least bit attracted or interested in any one of them and just wished that they would all go away and leave me alone.

I had known ever since the age of fifteen that I was asexual. And I was very proud and in no way ashamed. To me being asexual was just as normal and natural as breathing. I did not know anything else.

I did not have any desire to have intercourse with a guy. I did not even want to kiss one.

There were people around me at the time who had never heard of the term “asexual”. When I’d tell certain people that I wasn’t interested in males they’d immediately speculate or assume that something negative had to have happened within my life.

That maybe I had experienced a bad relationship. Or had seen other people experience bad romantic relationships. Neither one of the conclusions that were drawn were anywhere near the truth.

Another huge misconception that certain people had about me was thinking that they could “change” or “repair” me. Repair what? There was nothing about me that was wrong or broken. If anything, I was very well put together, and perfect.

I could not understand why people would make such a big deal when it came to their romantic encounters, the attractions that they had for other people, and the way that they were just ready to jump into relationships with people that they had crushes on.

While many around me were coupled off I always remained happily single. I use to get so sick and tired of hearing what was going on with this one and that one’s boyfriend or girlfriend. I did not want to listen to that crap. I was not involved in all of that crazy and ridiculous drama. So why should I have gotten myself into the middle of it?

I could have cared less about who was cheating on who. And what so and so went an did, and why. I mean please, these people needed to get a real life. I know that I had one. A life that was not full of a bunch of ignorant nonsense.

As an asexual person myself I do not ,however, represent the attitudes that every or all asexuals have. I would never generalize anyone because we are all very different and have our own unique personalities, preferences, and views.

Nevertheless, us asexuals all do have a common trait. We lack a sexual interest and attraction to other people, regardless of what the sex is of the other person. Asexuality is not a form of lesbianism, homosexuality or bisexuality. Asexual means “without” sexuality.

I personally never understood why a woman would want to let a man stick his genitals up inside of her. It is the most undesirable and unnatural thing for me to process.

I know that most heterosexual and sexually active people would consider my attitude and way of thinking to be strange and insane, especially since sexual intercourse was naturally designed for a man and a woman by their God.

Religion does not at all in any way play a part in my asexuality. In fact, I am into my Yoruban (African) ancestral and orisha worship-but that is another story.

My spirituality itself does innately support what and who I am though. My asexuality is one of the biggest parts of my identity. An identity that my spirituality and I embrace wholeheartedly. The foundation of my spirituality is based on truth, knowledge, love, and respect.

If one does not truly love, respect, and know them self there is no strength nor purpose deeply rooted within them.

I am liberated through my asexuality and my spirituality. The two most beautiful things about my life. I believe in self expression and honesty. In one being true, and true to one self.

Asexual people range in a wide variety because each individual has their own experience. And what some people consider and identify as being asexual also ranges widely.

Even though most asexuals do not seek out sexual relationships many of them are looking for companionship.

Intimacy is not always about intercourse. Some asexuals just want to have a close, loving, and sexless relationship that focuses on a romantic friendship. Doing everything that a girlfriend and boyfriend would do except have sex. Sharing one another’s interest. Having children together, and so on.

Some asexual people will have sexual intercourse with their/or a partner if they want to please them or if they want to have children. It all depends on the situation and circumstances.

There are some asexuals who claimed that they have had sexual interests and had been in sexual relationships at one time in their life.

Then you have the ones who are like me who have never had any sexual interest, feelings, or attraction for the opposite sex.

I did consider wanting to have a child at one time. During my teenage years I didn’t really want to have a baby in my adult years. However, I said if I did, I would go to a sperm bank if I could afford to-or I would just find a man who was interested in me and just use him for his sperm then I’d go about my business.

When I actually did become an adult I changed my mind about having children. I decided that I was ready and would attempt to conceive a child. Nevertheless, it did not work out as I had planned, and the outcome definitely turned out for the best.

I could not afford the sperm bank at that particular time in my life. And the males that were around me were not worth anything. They were not attractive mentally or physically. They were undesirable. So I definitely did not want or need a child running around here on this earth that would constantly remind me of anyone of them.

Now I am thirty seven years of age and again i’ve changed my mind. I absolutely do not want any children. I am very happy the way that I am. I did not need a child or two to make my life complete or anything that would refer to that category.

The thought of children, having my own daughters, was a natural female desire. After all, when us female babies come into the world we’re already born with the billions of eggs that are supplied to us for reproduction purpose.

And that is also why we ovulate to prepare us for a possible conception. Then we bleed (get our menstrual cycles) to dispense of an unfertilized egg so we can again be ready to prepare for another possible pregnancy.

So there is no need for me to explain any of my reasons. For a woman to want to have a child is completely natural. Far more natural than so called copulation.

If I wanted to have a baby out of wedlock and without a man in the child’s life-that would have been my prerogative. And I have no apologies.

As an asexual human being living on the planet life for me is grand. I would not have my life arranged in any other way.

The only thing truly missing right now within my life is a couple of pets. I’ve always loved and had a puppy or dog living with me at one point or another. I am working on getting three puppies to share my home with for the future. And they will all be my three babies.

My Love And Light

A lot of people hold back on things on account of the fears that they may have. Fear of what people would think, fear of being misjudged, fear of criticism, fear of ridicule, fear of rejection, fear of controversy and so on.

And some just keep quiet because they feel that some things are just better left unsaid.

There are always going to be those who misinterpret, perceive ignorant notions, and continue to make wrong accusations against what they disagree with or against what they do not comprehend/understand.

In some of my posts I have mentioned “my love and light”. And I just bet that there were some who thought that I was referring to “god” the god of the bible (Jehovah, Yahweh or whatever you want to call him) but however I was not.

God is definitely not my love and light. And I have never ever claimed to be any soldier of his army.

Yes I indeed was born with the gift of second-sight. I am extremely sensitive. I have a power within me to write that is led by spirit and many other special spiritual abilities, yet that does not make me a person who walks with god.

In true fact, I genuinely hate god. I hate him with everything that is within me and I am very proud of that. As far as I am concerned god is a very sick, evil, demented and demonic spirit force that many are blinded by.

Whoever deals with me will get the straight up truth about how I feel and what I am about. I do not hide behind lies out of fear. It makes me feel good to be able to speak the truth, it sometimes even screams to come out because it needs to be heard and acknowledged.

Am I a bad person since I detest god so much, absolutely not. It is the exact opposite! When I was a little girl I often wondered where did god come from. Who created him and how did he come into existence. And what makes him the ultimate authority figure?

I’ve read the bible, what was so drastically wrong with eve eating an apple- the forbidden fruit-from the tree of knowledge. What was wrong with her eyes being opened to awareness/knowledge/perception?

So what, she disobeyed god. What were his motives for wanting her to stay ignorant? Control I say. Just like the way of the world still is today. Then threatening and punishment for not listening to the bullshit instructions on a life that may not be befitting to all even if it is just in concern for the very minority.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people who claim to be deeply or overly religious have a lot of skeletons in their closets. Sometimes they’ll hit rock bottom, get scared, then they run to “god” and hide behind the church in an attempt to gain “redemption”.

It even seems that god shows a favoritism toward these kinds. I can understand that though because I have absolute favoritism for what is of my kind/class/nature too.

Some of these people make me sick with their false sense of justification! They will come across a person who never did any of the dirt that they have done then have the nerve and audacity to make them appear like they are the ones who are the worse thing in the world. That is a result of sickness mixed in with guilt and jealousy over the other person’s character.

What made them turn into the person that they were in the first place? Oh, “sin” of course.

Well, I never truly trusted in god and I do not agree with his scriptures. And I never messed up my life in any way. Just look at how the world is so sex crazed. “Be fruitful and multiply”, god said. “A woman and a man become one flesh after sexual intercourse/marriage” supposedly-whatever.

I honestly think that the sexual union between a man and a woman is one of the most ugliest and sickest things that are in existence and I never did and-do not want any part of it.

I don’t care what the rest of the world does but god’s plans do not apply to me.

As a teenager and as an adult I was never sexually active. A lot of people just assumed I had high morals or that it had to do with my religious beliefs. None of that was true. Yes, I’ve always highly respected myself, however, that was indeed not the reason that I did not want to have sex.

Number one, I was never attracted to men. The penis is a very big turn off in every way to me. Number two, I love my body and the thought of a man’s penis banging up against my precious insides then spurting out his nasty body fluids to mix in with mine was another complete turn off.

The only beautiful thing that I read in the bible was about marry conceiving a child without the aid of a man. And I deeply wish that could have been the normal way of life for reproduction purposes.

The very first time I ever indulged in the sexual act was at the age of twenty-four, and the last time was at the age of twenty four! It was a one time and never again thing.

I never would have done it to begin with if I had the money to go to a sperm bank at the time. I wanted to conceive a child and it didn’t work out and it was all for the best. I don’t really want a child by somebody that I would have to go to bed with. Especially someone I did not desire in any way, form or fashion.

If I was to conceive a child it will be done because I truly want her and not out of any unnatural sexual lust or desire.

I was proud of myself for not having no sexual attachment, no sexual feeling, and no emotion when I did the act. I did not feel any pleasure nor any pain. I did not feel anything mentally or physically.

And I had absolutely no respect for the guy I was with. It was a ridiculous act, one that made no sense. And it really made me wonder what was wrong with the rest of the world and god. Sex is not sacred to me, sex is sick!

I’ve been through numerous deep “spiritual experiences” since childhood. I’ve had evil witchcraft spirits removed/extracted from my body. I’ve had spirits go through me-come in/leave out. And god himself was the demonic force behind the “brujeria” that I went through in the past-and the brujeria that has tried to be sent back to me during a many failed attempts.

I know this for a fact. I saw it through my own eyes. I bet there are many who don’t know that and many who would not believe it because they think god is so good. But I know, I experienced it, and I know who Satan “really” is. And I am glad to know the truth. No one has a clue of the things/realities that I feel, hear, know, and see.

A lot of people believe that “god” has the strongest power. I do not because if he did he would have been able to destroy me a long time ago through his evil followers. I told this neighbor of mine years ago that I felt that god was sick. And she got highly excited and upset with me.

“God is not sick”, she said raising her voice. “Don’t you know that god can suck the life out of you?!”

“So why hasn’t he?” I said to myself.

Some time after our disagreement this woman developed medical problems and was put on oxygen. She got one of her legs cut off from gangrene that was associated with diabetes, caught dementia and then eventually died. So who got the life sucked out of whom?

It may sound harsh but she talked that shit to me just for expressing what I felt and look what happened to her. I don’t go around knocking anyone or telling them what will happen to them just because they do not agree with what I do or do not believe in.

Some people seriously need to check themselves. It is one thing to have a belief/opinion and another to try to force something onto someone. It just doesn’t work that way. There definitely is a powerful force/forces other than “god”. And that is fact.

What the bible considers or/and refers to as devil worship is my “love and light”. Now of course, I know better-that it is not actually the true worship of demons even though demons do disguise themselves in many different forms and fashions. And I could just as easily say that most are being deceived by god as god to me is what Satan is to the Christians.

There is so much that I could express, debate with, and so on, however there is so much that I am able to put in a post.

For the most part though, I am surrounded by peace, happiness, and truth. I feel free, secure, and strong. I am my self, my true self, all of the things that my love and light allows me to be.

My love and light gives me pleasure. God always made me feel miserable. My love and light wants me to be who I am. God wants me to be who he wants me to be-someone who is not my self.

God has continuously tried to fight for my identity to overtake my spirit and it is a battle that he will never win. That crap about giving us all free will is a lie. I know for me as a spiritual person with strong sensitivities and wisdom that he wants me to yield and lean towards his own structural program.

I never loved god. I do not like his style. I do not like his certain creations. I’d rather not have life than to live under any influences of his. My mind is something that he will never get inside of to brainwash and control.

Every thing that I feel is completely of my own. No one has ever been able to coerce me and no one has put anything into my head. I came to know what I know naturally and honestly and I am absolutely proud. I am a grown woman!

I love my ancestors and orishas-my spiritual connections/the universe-and all of my positive spiritual energies. I am a very good person who has lead a very good life. A good life that “god” cannot take any credit for!

I have gone through so much in this life on account of sick negativity and negative people and I was still the one to come out untouched and unaffected. And I owe that all to my strong spirit along with my “loves and lights” that have always shined upon me with the most ultimate of care.

Our bonds are so tremendously strong and our loyalties are so immensely tight that if the tables were turned “id rather burn in a hell with what I love and respect than to abide in a so called heaven with a god that I loathe and despise. Perhaps the day will come when god will exist no more (that would be something for me to look forward to-wishful thinking!)

I do not at all fear going to a place of eternal torment. Torment for me would be spending eternity with god. A place in where I do not want to be. God is the hellfire. Many get a taste of his hell right here on earth-yet they still foolishly praise him and glorify him, to each their own.

I definitely do not care what anyone thinks or says about me, I never did. I do however get highly insulted if or when someone tries or wants to connect me in any way with their god of the bible. His scriptures, will, and so called authority has no bearing on me. I have no regard for him whatsoever and he is not above me. He is nothing but shit!

When You Become Targeted By The Crafty Ways Of A Liar

Hello everyone. As most who read my blog already know, I am a clairvoyant who was born with the caul “veil”. And people like myself are very sensitive spiritually as psychic ability opens us up into awareness to every and all things of the universe and the energies in which surrounds us and the atmosphere.

Having true knowledge, wisdom, and particular insights, I have always been ahead of my time and a target for jealous and resentful people who despise me for stating the facts, whatever the subject may be that is at hand.

It is very wise to question and thoroughly analyze what is brought to us in this society especially when experience contradicts what is supposedly set forth as truth.

When you challenge people who consider themselves as authority figures simply because of their job titles and/or social status they often tend to retaliate against you and set out to ruin your credibility.

They are very insecure and need to gather others in an attempt to validate themselves and to aid them in taking down their target by devious, malevolent strategies.

When people in particular who maintain to hold upon individuals with a certain level of knowledge and information, to keep them under influence and order, and someone else comes along distributing examples to investigate they automatically lose their powers of persuasion.

For two days straight I’ve had a very negative feeling in the pit of my stomach due to a lady by the name of Helena Fortissima (an anesthesiologist who resigned from her position) who is trying her best in vain to destroy my credibility and the genuineness of my knowledge.

Helena is making a terrible fool of herself, however she cannot see it. She is a very disturbed individual. This woman does not know what she has gotten herself into. Trying to take down me-a caulbearer-helena definitely needs to check herself.

Before I go into further detail I just want to acknowledge that this is a personal attack against me by those who look for any small opportunity with no legitimate basis, then manipulate the situation by turning and twisting things around to completely outright lying just to serve their conspired purpose.

I was never even worried about this nonsense, never gave this a second thought. I never do in a silly situation regarding trash.

Nevertheless, I woke up again this morning feeling Helena’s negativity and fixation on me and my spirit led me to write this post. Urging me to clue people on, the ones who are in the dark about the crafty ways of sick-minded liars who are offended by the truth and can’t deal with the dirt of their past.

It all started with the directory website blog catalog. I signed up just to get my blog listed because a lot of people find my blog in different places and enjoy reading about what I present because I am straight up and I speak the truth.

At blog catalog, people are invited to take part in discussions by writing articles. I wasn’t at all interested in participating in any of the discussions I just wrote a few articles to maintain an active membership.

The day before yesterday I just so happened to write a brief article on diseases that can be caught through sexual contact and Helena Fortissima (a member of the site who does not know me personally) caught a hold of it, dragged it out of context and is making a campaign out of it by addressing to the online world that I am sending out dangerous misinformation.

And my article was not even about diseases itself but about certain people’s behavior when they catch them and how the diseases can and will affect their bodies along down the line at a later time in life, and how they should take and be more responsible for their actions.

I mentioned “shingles”, the virus involving the chicken pox syndrome. And she insists on proving that I am declaring that people in general get it through sexual contact which I did not.

What I said and I do know this for a fact- and I can back it up-and I don’t care what anyone else would have to say about it, is that the shingle virus is able to be spread by sexual contact. I know people personally who this happened to. And this is not hearsay.

People who have dealt with me on a friendship level in the past when I socialized more often confided in me because they felt comfortable with me and I was open-minded and easy to talk to.

And I am going to leave it like that because I am sick and tired of Helena’s shit. I don’t have any time for it. My life is centered around more important valuable things that are going on in life.

We all have our different own way and style of expressing ourselves. I can’t help who will want to misrepresent what I write and how I word it.

An intelligent and wise person will weigh out matters with logical and reasonable thought process. And I am glad to be one of those level headed individuals with integrity and class.

Here I Have Provided A Link To Helena’s Irrational Debate And A Copy Of My Article: When Do Opinions And Misinformation Become Dangerous

I Tested The Link Above And It Did Not Load The Page So Here Is The Address:

http://www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/when-do-opinions-and-misinformation-become-dangerous

Update: Saturday September 8, 2012- (Helena spilled out her guts in her blog post today. I copied and pasted it underneath my article along with her blog address. I read that bitch right. I knew that she wasn’t shit)

The Sad Truths About Herpes And Other Diseases:

In this day and age as everybody should already know venereal diseases are spread rampant. And so many people have caught them due to their reckless behavior.

Some individuals still have the attitude that if they were to catch an infection all that they’d have to do is to go to the doctor and get treated.

The hard facts is that these days the most common and most spread diseases are permanent or have long life term medical conditions and consequences to the body and internal organs.

I know plenty of people who have and who have died from aids. And I know three people personally who live with herpes (and shingles).

Before I go into detail about aids and herpes, I will mention about the individuals that I know who have been infected with gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Not to sound judgmental, however, these two females in particular would hop around from man to man till one day they hopped into something fatal.

One woman’s unborn baby died inside of her months before she was able to give birth, and the other woman constantly went through a series of consecutive miscarriages and stillbirths during numerous relationships with different men due to what resulted into pelvic inflammatory disease.

I’ve observed it over and over again how those in particular suffer for their negative careless behavior. Common sense would tell these people that if they were going to indulge and live dangerously to take some precaution instead of later drowning in their sorrows and corrupting and inflaming other innocent people.

The mentality that many individuals who are infected with aids and herpes have is to intentionally give their disease to another person.

Some are angry, bitter, embarrassed, hurt and do not want to be alone and would not feel so bad if others were riding in the same boat as they are.

One lady in particular married a man knowing that she had herpes. She thought that she could buy him with the money that she possessed. Another lady was walking around with the shingles clearly obvious on her face just below her mouth near her chin. And she pretended not to know what the permanent eruption was. She admitted that it didn’t bother her to sleep around with other women’s husbands or boyfriends.

The third lady had a history of drug use and was going through a nasty ordeal with a younger guy who’d just married her for the land that she’d inherited.

These people use these permanent and deadly diseases as weapons and advantages, ways to keep a hold on to someone or to get back at someone for something.

What happen to the days when people caught venereal infections that taught them lessons to learn by? That taught them how to change? And that taught them how precious their bodies and lives were?

Aids and herpes are viruses that don’t go away. And the situations and predicaments that certain individuals put others in do not always go as planned. Very negative drawbacks came from what those women did and I will not go into detail as it is not necessary.

Venereal diseases are nothing to play around with if they can be helped.

I have never had one and I don’t ever want one. And I could never imagine putting myself in the predicament of catching one. I know that a lot of it has to do with the lifestyle that one leads and I am and have always been asexual so I have never desired to spread myself around or at all for that matter. Therefore I do not understand the lust and needs for the sexual intimacy that some cannot restrain from.

There is a time and a place for any and everything, and of course, my article does not at all represent the majority of the world- but it does represent a good chosen number.

It is here. It is what is going on. And it is what is happening around us. And it is taking place more than what some people would think.

The bottom line is that some individuals are just as poisonous and deadly as a disease, if not worse. And just as you never know who may be carrying whatever ailment-you never know what ailment may be “carrying that person”.

Helena Fortissima’s blog and post

http://www.channelinghippocrates.com/2012_09_01_archive.html

Something Majestic
Last night, I dreamed that I was being apprehended on foot by the police. I had no idea what I’d done wrong, or why they were after me, but I had a vague sense that I was about to be “found out.” Even though I knew there wasn’t much point in running, I wasn’t going to let them catch me if I could help it. When I finally woke up, I was exhausted, nearly out of breath. Spartacus was awake already, still in bed, and as we lay there talking about the dream, he said, clearly interpreting the dream at face value, “That means you’ve done something wrong and you’re trying to get away with it.” Ironically speaking, though, he’s right.
How in God’s name did I end up with the life I have today? I should have been dead a long time ago. Thirty years back, I was a 19 year old shell of a girl I once knew–an annihilated spirit, worn out from years of seeking approval for who I was–hell bent on self-destruction, medicating my crappy self esteem with drugs and sex, wrecking my body, consorting with criminals, stealing from my parents, corrupting my younger brothers, wreaking havoc within our family, asphyxiating from shame and remorse in the quicksand of despair that I alone had created. There are years of my life that I have no recollection of; perhaps it’s better that way. The way it all went down is surreal: standing naked in the middle of my room, admitting all the terrible things I’d done to my father, crying together as he embraced me; escaping from the psych hospital after a week because I was afraid I might really be crazy; voluntarily signing myself into an ultra-confrontational family treatment center which lied to me, holding me against my will when I tried to leave; the nightmarish manipulation of my family and me during those 14 months, the constant and insidious brainwashing; the unbearable social isolation; the food and sleep deprivation; the exercise sessions, used as group punishment, conducted in a windowless space with the heat turned all the way up in mid-summer; the countless dreams of escaping from that building, of being able to take a shit without someone watching me, of no longer being humiliated or led around by the belt loop at the hands of an authority figure half my age, of simply being able to taste birthday cake again; the endless repetition of David Bowie lyrics in my head while sitting for hours at a time on hard blue plastic chairs so that I wouldn’t forget who I was; the eventual reformation which occurred the day I finally caved in; the assimilation into recovery from an addiction I never had in the first place, becoming part of a system I hated because I could see no other way out, the regret over which I’ve never fully forgiven myself for, wondering whose last shreds of dignity or integrity I might have destroyed because I had none left of my own.
What exactly have I been running from all these years? I’m a fucking physician, for Chrissakes! I’ve legitimately worked my way to the top of the educational and professional ladders, but I still don’t feel integrated. There’s always been a part of me that I’ve felt necessary to conceal in order to get where I wanted to go. I’m finished hiding. I don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m who I am today because of all the shit I’ve been through in my life, not in spite of it. Every single trial and tribulation I’ve endured has been transformative in some way, and though I haven’t always recognized that in the midst of a crisis, somehow I’ve managed to flourish from this amplitude of misadventures. I’m really not a complicated person. It’s taken me decades to recover my original personality, the one Straight, Inc. tried so hard to deconstruct and obliterate, but even when I was Robot Me, my true self clung tenaciously to whatever sparks of Old Me it could find, and held them for safekeeping. It’s taken me a good 20-something years to get here, but I’m back, braving my own personal renaissance, the sparkling clarity from which is surging out in torrents. I am in tears. I am intact.
nd that just got more and more so over the years!”

I’ve loved my life, even when I hated it. That’s probably why I’m still alive today, the mother of gorgeously kind and talented 22 year old twin sons, the ex-wife of the father of my children, who I consider my good friend, the wife of my beloved Spartacus, who opens his heart anew to me every day, the daughter-sister-friend-artist-cook-physician-writer who’s always been known as Helena, because something in that girl refused to surrender, something infinitely sustaining, something so fragile it couldn’t break, something majestic.

This Is A Photo Of Helena When She Was About Twenty-Six Or Twenty Seven-What An Ugly Bitch:

About Helena

Why do you blog?
I started blogging after resigning from my current position as an anesthesiologist in a small community hospital. The corruption of the physician-staffing corporation I was working for, along with the hospital’s administration, had finally crystallized and I realized that I was being viewed less as a physician, and more as part of a machine. Many of my blogs are inspired by things that have happened or observations I’ve made throughout my life, and most of them are somehow intertwined with the world of medicine. I’m blogging as a wake up call to physicians, healthcare workers, and the general public alike. Let’s start defining ourselves in terms of who we are, through embracing our unique interests, our individual contributions to society, and our humanness. It’s a helluva lot more interesting than defining ourselves by what we do for a living.

Share two things about you that no one knows :)?
I am a former wild child of the 80s…that’s enough

 

Asexuality/Asexual And Proud

I, LaToya Lawrence knew that i was Asexual ever since i was a young teenager, and i am so very proud to be that way as others are.  There are many people in this society who are ignorant to exactly what being Asexual means. To those who have no knowledge about it, some knowledge to it, or who are just plain interested in learning or learning more about the subject i have posted the accurate truth!  I copied the following article for review:

Asexual People – No Sex Please!

What is Asexual? Define Asexual and Asexuality

As a teenager, Cijay Morgan couldn’t understand the fuss her friends made over dating and boys. “My friends were pairing off and talking about crushes on movie stars, and I just didn’t get it,” remembers Morgan, now 42. As an adult, her dating life always stalled because she had absolutely no interest in a physical relationship.

Then, a few years ago, Morgan stumbled across an online community of people who defined themselves as asexual, meaning that they did not experience sexual attraction. “It was absolutely liberating, like bells ringing and doors opening,” she says. “I felt like going up to everybody and saying, ‘There’s a word for me!’”

According to a surprising new study, one in 100 adults has no interest in sex. And as awareness grows, more and more people, like Morgan, feel comfortable proudly identifying as asexual. Although they don’t want to bond between the sheets, many of them do want to fall in love or find a life partner. But in a world where sex can seem all-important, dating and relationships pose special challenges for them.

Is Asexuality Common?

While illness, depression, or certain medications can cause a temporary drop in sex drive or arousal, people who consider themselves asexual say their lack of interest in sex is a permanent part of their identity. “The biggest misconceptions are that something bad happened to make us this way, and that we can be fixed, or even want to be fixed,” Morgan says.

A recent study suggests that asexuality may be surprisingly common. Of the study’s more than 18,000 participants, one percent said they agreed with the statement, “I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all.”

As with any sexual orientation, what’s considered “asexual” ranges widely, and there’s a huge variety in the experiences of people who identify as asexual. “A lot of [asexuals] have had some sexual interest at one point in their lives,” says study author Anthony Bogaert, a professor at Brock University in St. Catherines, Ontario.

Love without sex

But just because someone isn’t interested in sex doesn’t mean they’re not interested in love. While some are happiest alone, asexual people can feel romantic attraction and have intimate relationships. They may like to cuddle and be physically close to others. Some get married and even have children. (In Bogaert’s study, 33 percent of asexuals were currently married or living with a partner.) “When it works, it’s not about the sex you’re not having, it’s about all the other things you share together,” says David Jay, 22, who’s known he was asexual since his early teens.

The challenge, of course, is finding a partner who either has a similar lack of interest in sex or can compromise. If you’re asexual, it’s important to get that out in the open early on, says Tina Tessina, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. She points out that the topic of what you’re looking for in a relationship often comes up during the early stages of dating, and that can provide an opening to say something like, “You should know that I’m not very interested in sex.” “Sex is an expected component of dating these days,” she says. “If you’re truly asexual, you need to let people know that. And if it’s going to chase someone away, so be it—why would you want to hold on to someone who’s not right for you?”

Norman, 20, got to know his current love interest online before breaking the news. “I just braced myself and said, ‘There’s something I have to tell you: I’m asexual,’” he says. Luckily, there was enough interest on both sides that the two are trying to make the relationship work, despite their sexual differences.

Bridging the sexual gap

What if you’re already in a relationship and you think you or your partner may be asexual? “If one of you isn’t responding to sexual overtures, or is constantly putting the other off or avoiding situations that could turn sexual, that’s the indication that something is going on and you have to talk about it,” Tessina says.

To do so, sit down in a calm moment, outside the bedroom, Tessina says. Then open by saying, “I realize that you’re feeling frustrated and that I’m not responding sexually to you as much as you like,” or “I’m feeling frustrated and you’re not responding sexually to me as much as I’d like.” Ask your partner how he or she feels, then give him or her a couple of minutes to talk, without interrupting. If you know or suspect that you’re asexual, say so, but be sure to tell your partner, “I care about you, and this isn’t a personal rejection; I just don’t have an interest in sex.”

Finally, talk about possible compromises. Some asexual people do have sex to make their partners happy, while others can’t tolerate it at all. These couples need to invest in lots of frank communication, as Norman and his partner are doing, knowing the right balance will come with time. His advice to other couples in the same boat? “Talk it through with your partner and find a middle ground. Neither one of you can bend all the way to one extreme. Only the two of you can decide what the right compromise is for you.”

For more information on asexuality, visit the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) at http://www.asexuality.org.

Article by: Jeannie Kim, a New York-based writer and editor who writes frequently on relationship and health issues.

Jealousy In The Family

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 at 1:12 PM EST

Most jealousy starts at home within the family. And this has been going on since the beginning of time, just like with the story of Cain and Abel. I had the potential and “energy” to make a lot of money from the books that i wrote and most of my big bucks never reached me (a spiritual freeze) because of my two most envious relatives. They never wanted me to have anything.

My great-grandmother Amanda and aunt Tina are two of the dirtiest dogs walking the face of the earth. I call them dogs because they’re not worthy of the title “women”. They’ve tried to have me raped and killed but those things didn’t go through, i was able to avoid those situations.

Amanda and Tina used outsiders to aide them in going against me to try to ruin my life. They lied to some people to get them to go along with doing their dirt. And those particular people fell for the lies because some wouldn’t think that a grandmother would go around lying on their grandchildren to destroy them, and since she was old they probably figured that she knew what she was talking about.

Some people are blinded by age. Others went along with them because they were in the same category as Amanda and Tina, low-down and no good.

Amanda and Tina are both dykes. Well, they’re really bisexual ’cause they mess with men too. They have a lot in common. They were beat up and dogged by men before and mistreated by some who were supposed to be their friends, and they are so sick that they both practice evil voodoo. I’ve never let no man or anybody use and abuse me, people can only do that if you allow them to.

Amanda is jealous of other’s within our family also, not just me, and they know about it because we’ve discussed it. She’s talked about all of us like a dog to one another. But we know she’s just mad that our lives turned out better than her’s. Some man that Amanda use to go with had sex with her when she was young and busted her vagina wide open because his penis was too big and she had to get stitched up. I guess that is enough to make anybody mad but it’s not our fault that she was stupid enough to let some man bang her up so badly. What goes around comes back around and every evil thing that Amanda and Tina did to me and my other family members has caught up with them.

They are both dying from AIDS, a disease that the doctor’s can’t cure. My uncle got his too he died from the disease two years ago. I’ve watched them waste away. The two of them are both miserable and are taking their sins slowly but surely to their grave while we-my other family members and i-still have plenty more life to live harmoniously and without regret. And the sad thing about it is that even though Amanda and Tina have a little bit of time left they are still using it to do more dirt. But the good thing is that they can’t touch us anymore. They never really had total power over us, it’s just that their ability to work evil has finally come to an end.

Virginity/Celibacy/Sexuality

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 at 3:36 PM EST

• I was born asexual and i am very proud to be that way. Some believe it isn’t normal to not have any so-called “nature”. It doesn’t bother me what people think, i couldn’t imagine myself any different than what i am. I’m not attracted to men or women. And I gratefully don’t have any sexual desires.

• When some people in the past found out that i didn’t want to be bothered with men they automatically assumed that it was because i was worried about a man only trying to use me for one thing like “sex”, or that maybe i saw or experienced some type of negativity involving a man somewhere along down the line in my life. But neither of those things were true.

• I hate when people make ignorant generalizations. I’ve never been in a bad relationship and I’ve never been raped. And, I’ve never seen any of my female family members in any serious abusive relationships with men.Most people say a man and a woman are suppose to be together. I understand that God made it that way, nevertheless, i still don’t care. I am nowhere near ashamed of who i am.

• If i get ridiculed because everybody else may enjoy the company of a man and are having sex and i am not-too bad. Is it really realistic or corny for someone to not or not be interested in having sexual intercourse in this day an age?. I absolutely don’t have a problem with acknowledging my point of view on the matter. I love my body and will continue to naturally not desire anyone sexually.

• Some people don’t even know what A-sexual is or means. The term means to be without sexuality, not inclined to sexual feelings or acts. I’m not into men or women. I’m strictly into myself and what i want out of my life.

• There have been a lot of men who were attracted to me throughout the years but i have honestly never met a man who could stir up any sexual excitement in me. A man can be attractive and i still am not attracted to him. There have been a couple of men who got angry at me for rejecting them and tried to get back at me by trying to defame my character but it doesn’t matter because the truth withstands everything even if some aren’t able to see it.

• Although i am a healthy woman who does not want to be romantically involved with anyone i am still a woman who may possibly have a child if i decide to bring one into this sick world. Even though it is a natural desire for me as a woman to want to have children, I’ll think long and hard about it because i don’t want no child of mine to have to endure the many things that life will sometimes put one through. If i do have my child or children it will definitely be through artificial insemination.

• I heard people say that once a person begins to engage in sexual intercourse that they won’t be able to stop. That is a lie! I heard people say that something is wrong with a male or female if they don’t want to be with someone of their opposite sex. That is a lie! Sex means different things to different people.

• To some it is a way of expressing their love to another person. To some it’s strictly about pleasure, gratifying oneself. To me, sex is nothing but a mind thing and a way to reproduce. It only means something if you make it mean something.To some people sex has significant meaning. I’ve heard women say that a lot of emotions go into having intercourse, and i don’t understand that. I’ll say again in my honest opinion and from experience, sex is nothing more than a mind thing. I don’t see how a man sticking his penis up inside of a woman’s vagina is an expression of love.

• I’ve even heard that some women will fall in love with a man after being pleasured greatly by sex. And, i don’t understand that either. I don’t see how people let sexual sensations affect their emotions. What does one have to do with the other? It seems to me that sex is just a feeling to those who are receptive to it, and a penis is not necessarily needed to experience pleasure.

• Every woman does not feel sensations from a man’s penis during sexual intercourse. The clitoris can satisfy a woman when a man cannot and, that has nothing to do with emotion or love.If i was to engage in sexual behavior-as i did in the distant past in an attempt to conceive a child which did not turn out in my favor since i was so disgusted by the act-my only worthwhile reason for doing so would be for reproductive purposes. I don’t have to love, care, or have an attraction for someone in particular to make a baby with them. I would just be sacrificing my body to get what i want and i don’t see no better reason than for a child.

• There are people who believe that if a woman has sex with a man that she has no feelings for she’s being whorish. And she is considered a bad girl. Men do it all of the time but it is accepted. Some men can’t handle the thought of a woman who is naturally able to go to bed with them without having any emotions attached. Well it exists and I’m living proof.

Me, Myself, And I

Sunday, March 05, 2006 at 4:42 PM EST

I love being a woman. I don’t know anything else. I love my breasts and i love my vagina, they belong to me. Carnal knowledge of a man does not make me a woman. Not wanting a man does not make me a lesbian. I am who i am, and who i am comes from within.

Born a female does not mean that i am weak, vulnerable, or docile. And it doesn’t mean that a man can break me down with so-called harsh words. I don’t know who came up with society’s definition of what a woman is supposed to be because i am the complete opposite.

I was born this way. I am smart, strong, independent, confident, trustworthy, and spiritually inclined. I’m not marriage material, but i’m mother material.

I was told that if i ever experience the penis i won’t be able to stay away from it. And those words came from a whore.

I knew that wasn’t true. My vagina has no use for the penis. It doesn’t need or want it. If a man can’t stimulate my mind he can’t stimulate my precious vagina. And i’m all woman, black and proud.

I am nowhere near ugly.

I’m not the best person in the world and i’m not the worst. However, i am enough for myself. I love who i am and what i can do. Some think that i’m crazy, some think that i’m just deep.

I don’t give a fuck because i know that i am unique.

Sex Without Emotion

Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 3:20 PM EST

To some people sex has meaning. I’ve heard women say that a lot of emotions go into having intercourse and i don’t understand that.

To me, sex is a mind thing. I don’t see how a man sticking his penis up inside of a woman’s vagina is an expression of love.

I’ve even heard that some women will fall in love with a man after being pleasured greatly by sex. And, i don’t understand that either. I don’t see how people let sexual sensations affect their emotions. What does one have to do with the other?

It seems to me that sex is nothing but a feeling and a penis is not necessarily needed to experience pleasure. Every woman does not feel sensations from a man’s penis during sexual intercourse.

The clitoris can satisfy a woman when a man cannot and that has nothing to do with emotion or love.

If i was to engage in sexual behavior my only worthwhile reason for doing so would be for reproductive purposes. I don’t have to love, care, or have an attraction for someone to make a baby with them. I would just be sacrificing my body to get what i want and i don’t see no better reason than for a child.

There are people who believe that if a woman has sex with a man that she has no feelings for she’s being whorish. And she is considered a bad girl. Men do it all of the time but it is accepted. Some men can’t handle the thought of a woman who is naturally able to go to bed with them without having any emotions attached.

Well it exists, and i’m living proof.

ASexual

Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 3:06 PM EST

I was born asexual and i am very proud to be that way. Some believe it isn’t normal to not have no nature. It doesn’t bother me what people think i couldn’t imagine myself any different than what i am. I’m not attracted to men or women. I gratefully don’t have any sexual desires.

When some people in the past found out that i didn’t want to be bothered with men they automatically assumed that it was because i was worried about a man only trying to use me for one thing like “sex”, or that maybe i saw or experienced some type of negativity involving a man somewhere along down the line in my life. But neither of those things were true.

I hate when people make ignorant generalizations. I’ve never been in a bad relationship and i’ve never been raped. And, i’ve never seen any of my female family members in any serious abusive relationships with men.

Most people say a man and a woman are suppose to be together. I understand that God made it that way, nevertheless, i still don’t care. I am nowhere near ashamed of who i am. If i get ridiculed because everybody else may enjoy the company of a man and are having sex and i am not-too bad!