A “Lady” Is Not “Truly” Defined By Her Sexual History

Working Woman By Miss LaToya

In my opinion, sexual intercourse is a stupid act as I consider a man and his penis totally undesirable.

Nevertheless, I am a very intelligent and logical open-minded woman who knows there are a lot of females who are interested in men and sex, or who may just use men for sex whether they want to have a child or they may just want to get their kicks off.

I can still elaborate common sense to a subject in which makes no sense.

I don’t care what anyone does with their lives or with their bodies as it is of no concern to me, in spite of that fact, as a societal issue and as a woman/lady myself I am inspired to express on this subject.

I’m not at all saying that attitudes will ever change, but that I, and I am quite sure many others, absolutely do not…

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(God) A Supernatural Bully

I am and always was blessed within many ways at the same time had to undergo unnatural encounters just because of the person that I am.

I’m glad not to be average and that I’m unique in my own right. I don’t owe anyone anything and I didn’t ask to come into this world to share within a life with other human beings with different natures and various mindsets.

The Lord did me no favor whatsoever as in my dreams when I sleep display and explain more beauty and meaning than on this earthly plane that he created.

God didn’t ask my permission in order for me to come here so I don’t need his while I have to remain here. Like I said, he didn’t do me any favor, this world isn’t a paradise that I should be ever so grateful to exist in.

The world in its dreadful condition is grotesquely overpopulated as it is with all kinds of shit. From disgusting insects to disgusting animals, disgusting principalities, and disgusting people.

Life is often times strange, unfair, and full of circumstantial misinterpretation and situations that compromise the lives of people on account of the ignorance or biases of others.

It seemed irresponsible to me to have us all here on the earth together why not keep the compatible in one section and the incompatible in other sections let everyone have their own suitable accomodating place of habitat.

Why be made to live a life or in a condition that one truly doesn’t want to be in? I loathe God, I truly do, and for more reasons than one, and I feel so insulted to be one that was created in his perverted formation of a plan.

From the beginning by designing a man and a woman to be together and to have sex, and having to have sex to have children, is all a turn off to me. Cutting up animals in the old days to atone for a sin since the wages for transgressions was death there had to be bloodshed so finally Jesus eventually came and did the ultimate sacrifice, all a bunch of sick shit to me.

But I guess I’m suppose to be crazy for not liking or agreeing with a God and within the fashion in which he made things to occur.

One thing is for certain and that is that I genuinely do love myself. When I look back on my life as a child I’ve noticed how disrespected I was by God and how I never trusted in him because I knew deep down inside that he was no good.

He disrespected me and my life one time too many by altering my destiny, using his trash to assist him, and by placing too many undesirables within my pathways, knowing the extent of my hatred toward them.

I always wondered who the fuck he thought he was as I never thought too highly of him or his reasoning. As I have the gifts to see I never saw anything special or perfect within him.

It is said that God makes no mistakes and if that is so that is a dangerous reality. At least if he made errors I could give him the benefit of the doubt but since his intentions are meant as what is suppose to be right it shows me just how wrong he is as a creator.

God is a disgrace and it clearly shows within his creation.

It seems to me I’m too headstrong for him whereas his trash caters to his demented teachings as they are twisted too.

If his words are so true why am I happier without him? If his words are so true why do I have peace of mind without him? If his words are so true why is the energy around me good without him?

I didn’t began to really live until I recognized my true love and light and separated myself from God’s oppressing grip and because I’ve broken free (years ago) and confirmed his unsavory nature he doesn’t want me to live the life that I am suppose to fully receive.

So even though he adheres to keep me stuck in a rut the rut does not adhere to stick to my spirit.

I’d rather live my life within truth, love, and strength and be cheated from what I truly deserve than to live within lies, unhappiness, and weakness just to be given an abundance of riches for being a mindless flunky only to serve and praise a God that is not worthy to be glorified.

If one could take away God’s power where would that leave him if he didn’t have all that supernatural weight to throw around and bully with? If he was void of his mighty energy to manifest how many would fear him then? -miss latoya lawrence

 

 

Natural

Ever since I was a young child I knew that if there was something that I didn’t want within my life then the situation was not going to work out.

Only the things that I preferred and under the circumstances in which I truly desired would instances turn out favorably and long lasting to my concordance.

I was never the type of female that ever hoped to one day get married and have children. I didn’t initially yearn to be a mother, when the idea later on within young adulthood came into mind to have a child it was with the intention of being a single parent, yet I eventually changed my mind about having a baby altogether and it was the right choice for me.

If I did have a child though it definitely would have been on my own without a man involved in the picture.

I fortunately grew up in a home without my father present and that is the way I liked it as I grew up strong, confident, independent and liberated-not implying that females that are raised in homes with their father’s can’t turn out that way-it was just an advantage that served a great purpose for me.

When I was little I never wished for or thought about having a dad around and when I saw other children that parents were married or together as a couple it was a situation that I didn’t require to be in I was very content and accustomed to my family order with me and my mom.

I wasn’t alone either there were other kids like me whose mothers raised them without a father it was normal to us. I can’t speak on how they actually felt about the matter, however, everything suited me just fine.

My mother never had any problems out of me I was a good child.

One thing I hated though was when guys were attracted to me or interested in me whether their intentions were good or bad I didn’t care, I wasn’t flattered by any of the attention I was genuinely turned off by it.

And it feels so good that I don’t have to go through undesirable and unsavory individuals who use to send to me the annoying invasions of mind transference through voodoo/black magic.

They had been doing it within many ways for many years within different techniques but with the same motives and that was to bring me down to their level. Whether it was to attempt to lower my self esteem or to get me to have feelings for a man they worked hard at it and failed miserably.

These people were jealous and resentful because I’d never been hurt or dogged out by a man as so many of them had even the guys were envious and jealous of me they all figured if I was in the same predicament as they were I couldn’t or wouldn’t think that I was better than any of them.

They were also jealous and envious of my intelligence and knowledge and where I could go within life if and when the opportunity arose.

They had such a warped sense of mindset that didn’t correspond with mine in the least if they had succeeded in their designs I’d still be the person who I am today with the same mentality no man could ever break me or kill my spirit. I wasn’t built within that fashion.

If I were interested in men I’d be able to get a good man and would only deal with one that was on my level, however, I’m proudly asexual and am fulfilled and complete as a woman and an individual.

 

Not So Strange To Me But True

mushrooms in the forestWhen I enter into one of my female resident’s room she frequently tells me how very pretty I am and that I must have a lot of boyfriends and a lot of sex.

And I asked her why does she say that and she answered to me because that is all that attractive people do and I found that comment awful strange considering the fact that looks don’t seem to have any bearing on how much sexual activity one gets.

I’ve seen plenty of ugly men and women with girlfriends and boyfriends and so many of them with children just look around everywhere you go, and they had to have had sex in order to have gotten those kids, I highly doubt that the majority of them went to sperm banks.

I told her no that I don’t have a lot of boyfriends just admirers and that I do not desire to have a boyfriend. So she asked me if I was a lesbian and I told her no that I was asexual that I don’t like men or women and that the human penis turns me off. She told me that she liked the penis and that she use to love to have sex and to not tell everybody how I felt because people would think that I was crazy and I told her that she was a very smart lady.

I had been told that before by another older woman to not tell nobody that I never had any feelings for a man and that if I did get involved with one at that time I would just use him to conceive a child but she wasn’t telling me to not say anything out of people thinking that I was crazy but because it would cause animosity toward me with certain men and even ignorant judgmental women.

She just didn’t want me to have to go through anymore unnecessary problems with undesirables than I was already going through and I understood but at that time I had already proudly let the cat out of the bag about how I felt even though some things I guess are better left unsaid and kept quiet just to keep the peace.

In spite of that I have to be free regardless and I don’t have any regrets in revealing the truth.

For all of my life since I was a child I have honestly never cared what anyone ever said or thought about me and it had always showed within my state of being and I know that is rare with most people in this day and age because a lot of individuals are bothered and affected by the thoughts and actions of others toward them.

Nevertheless, within my extreme uniqueness and creativity within thought, personality, and character I have been called a “far from crazy” individual with “exceptional sense” straight to my face by those who felt the need to express what they had observed through my presence and by my talent and knowledge.

mushroom sproutYet my knowledge, talents and presence have not always been appreciated by some, especially the undesirables-but who actually cares-I know that I don’t! That fact is not going to stop me from breathing and surviving, it is not what is feeding me, clothing me or paying my bills. And it is definitely not something that I need to support my peace and happiness!

We all have opinions though and all of our views, of course, are not going to be agreed upon or accepted by others and our opinions and perspectives may even seem or make us appear to be crazy to certain others and vise versa but a wide range of diversity is what makes the world go round even though there is much unneeded and unwanted variety and assortment that the world can do without.

One topic that I do not understand is when it comes to the penis, what is so alluring about it among so many? I always thought that the male organ was such an unpleasant thing to see testicals and all.

I would not even bring up the subject, however, I couldn’t help it because every time I’d assist one of my male residents with a urinal, catheter or diaper I couldn’t help be reminded to think “This is what women go crazy over?!”. “This is what so many women need and desire?!”

The sight of a penis actually makes me want to puke and that nasty shit that spurts out from it (the ejaculations and discharges) I wouldn’t want that going up inside of me constantly or continuously.

It is unfortunately a part of how we come into the world and I am plenty aware that there is so much to human biology that is absolutely amazing but the fact that the soul is the actual sustaining life force and the body is just the temporary living shell gives me comfort in knowing that I am so much more than part of a male’s DNA.

And we can be partially made up of an individual without having any of their traits (https://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2015/09/10/go-figure-food-for-thought/), thank goodness!

As a young girl and as a woman I had always actually wished that life was made up within a different fashion I wished it could be that if I as a female had to reproduce that I would be able to get pregnant on my own without any sperm just by a more pure method and natural independent process. I know that I am not the only woman/girl who feels or who has felt this way it is a huge world that we live in and whatever I may think or feel there is always someone else out there who has had that same thought and feeling. This particular issue may not be that common, but it is so.

mushroomTo me, the only beautiful thing that I read in the bible was Mary getting pregnant by the holy spirit, why couldn’t it had been that way in general getting pregnant without having to have sex and having to incorporate semen?

I do not have any children and I am glad that I don’t. I don’t want any child of mine coming here into the world the way that it is today.

To me sex is sick, and it is also a mind thing, because what is so necessary about having another human being on top of you intertwined thrusting back and forth-that is just my honest opinion.

And that is all it is my opinion!

LaToya’s Autumn

leafIt is in all seasons to “bloom” whether it is winter, spring summer or fall.

Welcome to my world and to the chronicles of my life as an unconventional individual who is not afraid to be herself, who is not afraid to speak her mind, and most of all, who is not afraid to speak the definite truth as I continue to share my experience.

Enter into the pages of a caulbearer, enter into the pages of jealousy, enter into the pages of creativity and purpose, enter into the pages of voodoo and black magic, enter into the pages of asexuality, enter into the pages of spirituality, and enter into the pages of reality.

A reality for those in particular that may interests many of us, a reality that may surround many of us, a reality that recognizes many of us, a reality that describes many of us, a reality that inspires many of us, a reality that puts many of us not within the average category and a reality that many of us can relate to.

And it is all coming from a person (me) with firsthand experience in these circumstances and situations, and who knows that you (those in particular) are “indeed not” crazy yet living and maintaining within a crazy, outrageous world full of very sick and ignorant people, along with very malignant evil forces and unnatural energies, as well as the natural. Visit LaToya’s Autumn

Tramp

blindfoldEverywhere that I go there have always been males who were very attracted to me all through out my life and still till this day yet I was never fazed by the circumstance. It had made no difference to me as I was very secure and wasn’t romantically interested in anyone in no way whatsoever.

Of course, there are males who can find a female attractive and give her a compliment without having any romantic or sexual intentions behind their observation. I’ve experienced that situation on many of occasion with males and even females who had approached me genuinely out of the kind propensity to express their own opinion.

A lot of people do it “Oh, he or she is so cute”, “Hey gorgeous”, and so on.

Some of that nonsense is at times also bullshit that people use both by men and women in order to flatter and/or to court for reasons that are calculating (some even do it just for fun to cruelly or trivially mock someone) as I have heard and witnessed the most unattractive of beings get called “beautiful” which in a variety of obvious fashions is considered to be pretty within appearance to many, including me.

I could never help whatever male that it was that had became attracted to me it wasn’t my fault especially the ones that were married or already involved within a type of relationship of one or more, however, when their female counterparts catch wind of their mate’s wandering eye and act out upon it within an irrational manner that is an entirely different story completely.

I remember how the assistant manager of a department store where I once worked at was extremely attracted to me and had desired me sexually he was so nervous one time that he had stumbled upon his words as we were talking. He was a married man who’d cheat on his wife but I just took advantage of the position within the store that he had the power to give to me and kept everything on a strictly professional level as I received good recognition on the job for being an exceptional employee whereas other females of a trashy nature would have flirted back and have been gratified and able to have been cajoled.

shoesThe assistant manager was not a good man but he knew that I was not the kind that was “idle” or apt to fall for any superficially inspired game and I do give him the benefit of the doubt for giving me the proper credit that I did deserve in my workplace.

Other degenerate cheats that hooked up with unattractive weak-minded whores that had taken their insecurities out on me I would never give any type of regard to as most of them liked to perpetuate a situation by playing the roles of instigator since I did not want or desire any of them at all.

Instead of laying blame on their own partner that they were sexually linked to or involved with they’d entertain the hunger to unreasonably “have it out with me” (they actually knew better than to come up and approach me) even though I didn’t personally know any of them all. Skanky males always recruit chicks that are dumber than they are in order to train and manipulate them through their own flaws of vulnerability.

These whores with low self esteem allow themselves to be pimped (used and abused) and propositioned. Isn’t it also something how women with derogatory backgrounds have the nerve to downgrade other woman with no history of promiscuous behavior by indeed calling them whores, and their equally warped male counterparts treating their sluts with more respect than they would toward a decent woman merely because their whores cater to their every whim and feed into the core of their outrageous male egos?

I recall a girl that got a job where I worked just to get a look at me because she knew that her man was interested in me and her “player” of a boyfriend constantly fed off of her lack of self confidence. She broke her neck to catch glimpses of me and one day grabbed a paper towel, threw it in the garbage, and then walked out of the employee bathroom the moment she spotted me up at the sink washing my hands after I had used the toilet.

see throughShe was so intimidated by me that she didn’t even use the rest room, knowing that she had to pee, and wiping her hands upon entering into the bathroom without even had wet or washed her hands, later on she passed by the area in which I worked within for me to see her.

At the end of our shift we happened to had ridden the same public bus together and I got a good look of her. Two days later she fought with her boyfriend as she was jealous over me. Instead of being worried over me she should have been more concerned over the job that she was unable to keep. This female only had worked two days spaced apart every other week yet could not hold up the position that she obviously must have not been qualified for.

After I encountered her once more there at the job (she gave me a phony smile of greeting) she disappeared and I never saw her again from then on.

Oh, how these tramps let the men in their lives make the most absolute fools out of them?

 

Lust Spell:(https://ladylatoya.wordpress.com/2016/02/22/lust-spell/)

 

The Perils Of Lust

spadeAside from the ignorant, sick, miserable, envious and jealous kind normal healthy and/or productive people do not care and aren’t even really concerned about what is going on within the lives of others or interfering in the success or progress of another.

Some frankly do not give a hoot or could care less whether someone is or happens to become successful or not, I know that I am that way, and that is a very rational mode of approach in my opinion.

Most levelheaded people are too wrapped up in their own personal affairs and are preoccupied with their own functional or dysfunctional existence and well-being.

I really doubt they’d waste time and harbor what is of no importance to them. The happiness or sadness of another would play no significant role in where it was not warranted.

Normal, healthy and/or productive people also do not go around making rules for other folks. Who is anyone to set the principles that govern another individual’s conduct? Who has the authority to set regulations that govern another individual’s specific activity?

So many other people do not even share the same mindset.

Judgments and accusation therefore would have no relevance to a standard that meets a particularly bias approval (Tell that to the ill-minded folk who entertain jealousy, envy, and irrational resentment, though).

Sex and lust are two completely different things and one has nothing to do with the other, just as sex and love are two completely different things and have absolutely nothing to do with each other.

Now people who feel a type of love for someone may want to have sex and people who feel a type of desire or passion for someone may want to have sex. Nevertheless, the two things are not one in the same.

People have sex for different reasons and some of the reasons may have entirely nothing to do with emotion. People have sex with people that they do not love, who they are not genuinely attracted to,  and who they absolutely have no lust/sexual desire for.

There are women and men who indulge in intercourse primarily to reproduce or to just please their partner (depending on the relationship or whatever the relationship may be based upon), there are prostitutes and people who have intercourse in exchange for money (based on a profession or lifestyle situation), and there are those who just have intercourse as their own source of pleasure and fun.

skullSexual activity has always been a topic of discussion whether it be regarding controversy or morality. And it is a topic that many get judged upon the most.

I’ve always been judged for the things that I was not doing amongst the particular and having sex was one of them. I am a grown woman and if I were a sexual person what would intercourse take away from me?

Sex would not take away my intellect. Sex would not take away my strength. Sex would not take away my capabilities. Sex is just what it is “Sex”. It is not sex itself that serves as the problem but it is the mentality and/or emotional stability or instability and even maturity of the individual who takes part in the act.

Some people are not able to handle sex. Some people are too weak-minded and get sexually whipped or fall in what they perceive to be as love.

Lust is the root of sickness within many people and they take sex way too far out of context. They need it and they cannot live or do without it. So many people jump from one partner to another to one that has become too many.

Venereal diseases have run rampant and is the reason that so many individuals are so extra psycho/sick/crazy/ill. The advanced stages of various STDs have literally went straight to their heads/brains permanently altering and scarring their mental faculties.

There is nothing wrong for not having or not wanting/desiring to have sexual intercourse in this day and age. And no one has the right to harass and/or meddle into the business (their jobs, lifestyle, and progress) of someone who may be a harsh reminder of what they are obviously not and will never be.

 

 

 

My Vaginal “Lips” Are Lovely Wrapped And Sealed In Contentment And Bliss/No Toleration For Love Or Lust Spells!

432607-200“You’re going to be a heart-breaker when you break out of your shell”, a few male associates who were in their thirties and forties had told me when I was in my early twenties, harmlessly mistaking what they may have interpreted as shyness for indifference.

“You’re going to have it your way”, another guy in his forties told me.

“How do you know?” I asked, testing him.

“Because, I know women”, he said in return.

A psychic even told me that in a romantic relationship that I was the one who would, and who was suppose to have the upper-hand.

I had already known these revelations due to knowing my self very thoroughly. I never at all was a self conscious or insecure type of female; I never had any reason to be.

I was always very strong, confident, aggressive, intelligent, and beautiful to my own liking. I never cared about what anybody thought about me or what they thought about the way that I looked.

As long as I am satisfied with myself that is utterly all that matters.

Naturally and proudly born asexual, I have absolutely no romantic or sexual interest and desire in anyone whether it be male or female. And who cares, right? I sure know that I do not, I am very happy and at peace. I was meant to be in this specific mode of life and would not have it any other way whatsoever. Yet there are disturbed individuals who cannot accept my lifestyle even though that it does not concern or pertain to them and is absolutely none of their business!, Particularly the degenerate/demonic male gender and quite a few dogged out jealous females who didn’t know their own vaginas from a jack-hammered whole in the ground.

Sadly enough these males are jealous of my “Twat” and because they cannot talk about me. They never had me sexually and never will, and the few guys that may have lied about me wish so undoubtedly that they could.

Anyhow no man could ever destroy or dog me out, it is not within my nature, if anything I would be the one to dog him out and destroy him!

Lies mean nothing truth holds weight.

Men and women have told me for the way that I looked that they didn’t expect for me to not have been in relationships, or did not understand why I wasn’t out there and wanting to mingle. It simply just wasn’t my thing, so unnatural and ridiculous unto me!

1019024-200When I was in my early twenties I took a really good look in the mirror at my self and saw what everyone else at the time had seen and what I was not really paying any attention to, and I honestly admitted that I felt too darn good about myself to let any male have sex with me.

So I had thought just the opposite, why waste my cute self on a man?

I still feel this way till this day, and I do not want or plan to have any children at this time right now in my life, if I did I’d go to a sperm bank, and if I couldn’t I would not resort to sexual contact with a man-that sure is for certain.

Black magic has been tried on me so many times and in so many repetitive fashions in such a derogatory (tricks to stimulate my vagina to give me sensations down there) and pathetic endeavor to try to change my mind and desires regarding my sexuality.

Silly “lust” spells that failed to work, and stereotypical “caring” spells to break my strength, confidence, and identity within who I am as a individual woman-and because of how it contradicts what is the norm in general/average society.

On the 22nd of October on a Tuesday I had went out to take care of some errands. The next Wednesday night I had a dream of the light-complexioned Haitian guy with the hazel/green eyes who I’ve written about in the past here https://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2007/08/26/rituals/,

Here https://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2012/01/14/the-visionsthe-messagesthe-knowledge/,

And here https://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2012/11/16/dirty-rotten-and-pitiful/

He was trying to hold me down on a bed in darkness-as a shadow covered and outlined his body-to make me feel comfortable, relaxed and pleasant as he sucked the left side of my neck then tried to stick inside his tainted penis.

This degenerate wants to have intercourse with me so bad that it is a shame; one cannot get any sicker than him. He has been doing and trying to self-perform sex spell acts and spells on me here and there for years with no avail.

His raggedy funky “cockifritos” (fried penis in my terms) never penetrated me in this vision of warning, a sign of my disgust and resistance.

The night after on Thursday, he tried to send the dark energies and illusions of a tarantula to seize and attack me upon my sleep.

Friday, Oct 25th I went out again to run a few errands and the next night on Saturday I dreamed of him again! I had the strongest feeling that I would since I had caught him in his previously failed attempt just as I usually do.

Another of sex dreams of course, him not getting the opportunity to penetrate yet hesitantly and verbally stating his wistful intentions, “I had that”.

Sunday night I had a vision of a Halloween prop that hung upon his bedroom wall right before I closed my eyes to retire and just knew that he would give another hand at the effort to resend his weak-minded mechanism involving the large spider.

Sure enough during the early hours of the morning this happened at the same exact time as the other occurrences around 4:20 a.m.

I don’t think it was 5:20 a.m. it is possible because when I looked at the clock it was in the dim lit of my room, but I am pretty sure it was definitely at four twenty in the morning.

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A Few Responses To My Mother And Daughter Relationship Post

1395713_baby_kisshttps://misslatoya.wordpress.com/2013/04/06/the-mother-and-daughter-relationship/

Tulan on Fri, 04/05/2013 – 18:18.

I was without a father, also, but I always longed for a dad. All my friends had dads and I missed having one, although my mother and I had a great relationship.I felt like I missed out.

LaToya on Fri, 04/05/2013 – 23:44.

Thanks for sharing your story. It is always nice to observe and hear another person’s personal perspective. I did know my father and I had met his family yet I felt absolutely no type of connection to them as they were not at all my class of people to want to be around. And I am glad that he was not in my life. I did not miss out on anything as far as he was concerned. I am very sure though that many females have loved having their fathers around. To each his or her own. Sorry that you did not get the chance to experience what you felt you missed out on.

16471753-happy-mother-and-daughter-laughing-together-outdoors

oreiro on April 07th, 2013 @ 03:51 pm

Very good. Very strong.
Like it.
and I can agree with you (Ihave got a doughter), but I am also divorced when she was 2yrs and tobe honest – girls need fathers.

It’s my opinion, you’ve got your own and that’s good. I don’t know you, but I see what you write here and I can say – you wrote absolutely true things – your Mum has done a good job in upbringing you and you will do the same with yours children!!!
….(but it doesn’t mean that doughters don’t need fathers…)

LaToyaLawrence on April 07th, 2013 @ 04:04 pm

I agree with you completely. There are daughters that do indeed need a father figure within their lives. We are all different. I have no disagreements with what you said.

15027094-affectionate-mother-and-daughter-looking-at-camera

itdawn69 on April 07th, 2013 @ 04:34 pm

The bond between a mother and daughter is great. However, I have to say that a strong father figure in a daughter’s life makes a difference. I have seen little girls grow up with no father and find that they do not know what a good relationship between a man and woman looks like. How can she choose a good husband or boyfriend? This is my opinion but a child girl or boy needs to have two parents so that they can see how love grows and how men and women should inter act with each other. My daughter was raised with two parents and her views on relationships and even sex are different from her friends who did not have a two parent home. I am not saying a child can not develop and mature ok in a single parent home but it is hard for one person to be both mother and father to a child. Children do not come with manuals so we just have to work with what we have and hope that our children turn out good.

LaToyaLawrence on April 09th, 2013 @ 11:52 am

Like I said we are all indeed different. I have grown up with males and females. I know who my father was and I still do.

However, I did not ever have a need for him. And love comes naturally. There is no set standard within how a man and a woman love one another.

I personally was born Asexual so I never had any sexual attraction or desire for any man. And I am very proud of that.

If I ever had any children no father will be involved because that is my prerogative. What comes out of my body belongs to me. I would go to a sperm bank.

And society in my opinion is not a good example of the male and female roles as it is often bias. I am more into what is natural than as to what is generalized.

To me the union between a man and a woman is unnatural and undesirable. And that has absolutely nothing to do with me not growing up around a father figure.

There have been plenty of men who were interested in me who were shocked to see that I was not the average female.

I have an entirely different mentality and I always knew a whole lot about different types of men and people because I am very intelligent and I was born with a caul/veil (the gift of second-sight).

No one has ever been able to put anything over on me.

I knew things that women who regularly dealt with men did not know about them.

There have been fathers of other young females and uncles of other young females who have told me that they wish that their female relatives were like me because many of them were getting dogged out and messed over by men.

A father even told me that he wished he had of brought his daughter over to talk to me before he found out that she had went and got pregnant at the age of eighteen.

He informed that he would have made her get an abortion if his wife had not kept the pregnancy hidden from him to a more later time.

There are many stories that I can tell.

However, to each his or her own, but this is a huge world and society and I definitely know for a fact that particular females do not at all need any male influence within the home to be productive and knowledgeable within the certain areas of life. And I am very firm on that because I am living proof!

There are certain things that men just do not understand when it comes to a female-I’m speaking from personal experience.

Some females who are too emotional and insecure make it bad for other women who are just the opposite.

All women do not get sexually attached to men through sex. All women do not get hurt if men mess around with other women, some do not even care.

Words like bitch and whore are not offensive to me yet many women do get offended by those words and men think that they can hurt a woman by saying those things.

Many women are brainwashed by the male influence. I could go on but I do not need to write a novel.

People will and are going to think what they want to think.

I am just very glad that I am very open-minded and that I am not limited and do not let anyone persuade my judgement in life.

No one can tell me anything that contradicts what I have experienced and what I know through insight, wisdom, and perception.

Proud To Be Asexual/The Liberating Truth About My Asexuality

1037736-200I was a very cute little girl growing up. And young males were always attracted to me. Always bothering me.

Whereas I found the behavior of the opposite sex quite annoying most females would have enjoyed the attention.

When I was coming up in the 1980’s many of the children living around me within my neighborhood were having sex at a very early age.

One of the youngest girls that I knew of at the time was about the age of eight. The boy whom she had had sexual relations with was at the age of either ten, or eleven.

They both lived on the same street that I was living on. Neither one of their parents were good examples of what a mother or father should have been.

Anything of a sexual nature was the last thing that had ever crossed into my mind. I was a very content child, enjoying my life, playing with my barbie dolls, and loving the puppy that I had.

I had a very good mother who took care of me and who had gave me her undivided love and attention. I never went out looking for love, affection, or attention. I did not have to. I was a very secure young person.

If I did lack the love and attention that every child should have, and that every child deserves from their parent. I definitely would not have searched for it by spreading my legs to any young or old man who had acquired to come along. That would have just been totally absurd in my opinion.

As I was getting older and reaching into my late teenage years I had still found the amorous behavior of the males to be annoying. All that I knew was that I was not at the least bit attracted or interested in any one of them and just wished that they would all go away and leave me alone.

I had known ever since the age of fifteen that I was asexual. And I was very proud and in no way ashamed. To me being asexual was just as normal and natural as breathing. I did not know anything else.

I did not have any desire to have intercourse with a guy. I did not even want to kiss one.

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There were people around me at the time who had never heard of the term “asexual”. When I’d tell certain people that I wasn’t interested in males they’d immediately speculate or assume that something negative had to have happened within my life.

That maybe I had experienced a bad relationship. Or had seen other people experience bad romantic relationships. Neither one of the conclusions that were drawn were anywhere near the truth.

Another huge misconception that certain people had about me was thinking that they could “change” or “repair” me. Repair what? There was nothing about me that was wrong or broken. If anything, I was very well put together, and perfect.

I could not understand why people would make such a big deal when it came to their romantic encounters, the attractions that they had for other people, and the way that they were just ready to jump into relationships with people that they had crushes on.

While many around me were coupled off I always remained happily single. I use to get so sick and tired of hearing what was going on with this one and that one’s boyfriend or girlfriend. I did not want to listen to that crap. I was not involved in all of that crazy and ridiculous drama. So why should I have gotten myself into the middle of it?

I could have cared less about who was cheating on who. And what so and so went an did, and why. I mean please, these people needed to get a real life. I know that I had one. A life that was not full of a bunch of ignorant nonsense.

As an asexual person myself I do not ,however, represent the attitudes that every or all asexuals have. I would never generalize anyone because we are all very different and have our own unique personalities, preferences, and views.

Nevertheless, us asexuals all do have a common trait. We lack a sexual interest and attraction to other people, regardless of what the sex is of the other person. Asexuality is not a form of lesbianism, homosexuality or bisexuality. Asexual means “without” sexuality.

I personally never understood why a woman would want to let a man stick his genitals up inside of her. It is the most undesirable and unnatural thing for me to process.

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I know that most heterosexual and sexually active people would consider my attitude and way of thinking to be strange and insane, especially since sexual intercourse was naturally designed for a man and a woman by their God.

Religion does not at all in any way play a part in my asexuality. In fact, I am into my Yoruban (African) ancestral and orisha worship-but that is another story.

My spirituality itself does innately support what and who I am though. My asexuality is one of the biggest parts of my identity. An identity that my spirituality and I embrace wholeheartedly. The foundation of my spirituality is based on truth, knowledge, love, and respect.

If one does not truly love, respect, and know them self there is no strength nor purpose deeply rooted within them.

I am liberated through my asexuality and my spirituality. The two most beautiful things about my life. I believe in self expression and honesty. In one being true, and true to one self.

Asexual people range in a wide variety because each individual has their own experience. And what some people consider and identify as being asexual also ranges widely.

Even though most asexuals do not seek out sexual relationships many of them are looking for companionship.

Intimacy is not always about intercourse. Some asexuals just want to have a close, loving, and sexless relationship that focuses on a romantic friendship. Doing everything that a girlfriend and boyfriend would do except have sex. Sharing one another’s interest. Having children together, and so on.

Some asexual people will have sexual intercourse with their/or a partner if they want to please them or if they want to have children. It all depends on the situation and circumstances.

There are some asexuals who claimed that they have had sexual interests and had been in sexual relationships at one time in their life.

Then you have the ones who are like me who have never had any sexual interest, feelings, or attraction for the opposite sex.

I did consider wanting to have a child at one time. During my teenage years I didn’t really want to have a baby in my adult years. However, I said if I did, I would go to a sperm bank if I could afford to-or I would just find a man who was interested in me and just use him for his sperm then I’d go about my business.

When I actually did become an adult I changed my mind about having children. I decided that I was ready and would attempt to conceive a child. Nevertheless, it did not work out as I had planned, and the outcome definitely turned out for the best.

I could not afford the sperm bank at that particular time in my life. And the males that were around me were not worth anything. They were not attractive mentally or physically. They were undesirable. So I definitely did not want or need a child running around here on this earth that would constantly remind me of anyone of them.

Now I am thirty seven years of age and again i’ve changed my mind. I absolutely do not want any children. I am very happy the way that I am. I did not need a child or two to make my life complete or anything that would refer to that category.

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The thought of children, having my own daughters, was a natural female desire. After all, when us female babies come into the world we’re already born with the billions of eggs that are supplied to us for reproduction purpose.

And that is also why we ovulate to prepare us for a possible conception. Then we bleed (get our menstrual cycles) to dispense of an unfertilized egg so we can again be ready to prepare for another possible pregnancy.

So there is no need for me to explain any of my reasons. For a woman to want to have a child is completely natural. Far more natural than so called copulation.

If I wanted to have a baby out of wedlock and without a man in the child’s life-that would have been my prerogative. And I have no apologies.

As an asexual human being living on the planet life for me is grand. I would not have my life arranged in any other way.

The only thing truly missing right now within my life is a couple of pets. I’ve always loved and had a puppy or dog living with me at one point or another. I am working on getting three puppies to share my home with for the future. And they will all be my three babies.

My Love And Light

A lot of people hold back on things on account of the fears that they may have. Fear of what people would think, fear of being misjudged, fear of criticism, fear of ridicule, fear of rejection, fear of controversy and so on.

And some just keep quiet because they feel that some things are just better left unsaid.

There are always going to be those who misinterpret, perceive ignorant notions, and continue to make wrong accusations against what they disagree with or against what they do not comprehend/understand.

In some of my posts I have mentioned “my love and light”. And I just bet that there were some who thought that I was referring to “god” the god of the bible (Jehovah, Yahweh or whatever you want to call him) but however I was not.

God is definitely not my love and light. And I have never ever claimed to be any soldier of his army.

Yes I indeed was born with the gift of second-sight. I am extremely sensitive. I have a power within me to write that is led by spirit and many other special spiritual abilities, yet that does not make me a person who walks with god.

In true fact, I genuinely hate god. I hate him with everything that is within me and I am very proud of that. As far as I am concerned god is a very sick, evil, demented and demonic spirit force that many are blinded by.

Whoever deals with me will get the straight up truth about how I feel and what I am about. I do not hide behind lies out of fear. It makes me feel good to be able to speak the truth, it sometimes even screams to come out because it needs to be heard and acknowledged.

Am I a bad person since I detest god so much, absolutely not. It is the exact opposite! When I was a little girl I often wondered where did god come from. Who created him and how did he come into existence. And what makes him the ultimate authority figure?

I’ve read the bible, what was so drastically wrong with eve eating an apple- the forbidden fruit-from the tree of knowledge. What was wrong with her eyes being opened to awareness/knowledge/perception?

So what, she disobeyed god. What were his motives for wanting her to stay ignorant? Control I say. Just like the way of the world still is today. Then threatening and punishment for not listening to the bullshit instructions on a life that may not be befitting to all even if it is just in concern for the very minority.

I’ve noticed that a lot of people who claim to be deeply or overly religious have a lot of skeletons in their closets. Sometimes they’ll hit rock bottom, get scared, then they run to “god” and hide behind the church in an attempt to gain “redemption”.

It even seems that god shows a favoritism toward these kinds. I can understand that though because I have absolute favoritism for what is of my kind/class/nature too.

Some of these people make me sick with their false sense of justification! They will come across a person who never did any of the dirt that they have done then have the nerve and audacity to make them appear like they are the ones who are the worse thing in the world. That is a result of sickness mixed in with guilt and jealousy over the other person’s character.

What made them turn into the person that they were in the first place? Oh, “sin” of course.

Well, I never truly trusted in god and I do not agree with his scriptures. And I never messed up my life in any way. Just look at how the world is so sex crazed. “Be fruitful and multiply”, god said. “A woman and a man become one flesh after sexual intercourse/marriage” supposedly-whatever.

I honestly think that the sexual union between a man and a woman is one of the most ugliest and sickest things that are in existence and I never did and-do not want any part of it.

I don’t care what the rest of the world does but god’s plans do not apply to me.

As a teenager and as an adult I was never sexually active. A lot of people just assumed I had high morals or that it had to do with my religious beliefs. None of that was true. Yes, I’ve always highly respected myself, however, that was indeed not the reason that I did not want to have sex.

Number one, I was never attracted to men. The penis is a very big turn off in every way to me. Number two, I love my body and the thought of a man’s penis banging up against my precious insides then spurting out his nasty body fluids to mix in with mine was another complete turn off.

The only beautiful thing that I read in the bible was about marry conceiving a child without the aid of a man. And I deeply wish that could have been the normal way of life for reproduction purposes.

The very first time I ever indulged in the sexual act was at the age of twenty-four, and the last time was at the age of twenty four! It was a one time and never again thing.

I never would have done it to begin with if I had the money to go to a sperm bank at the time. I wanted to conceive a child and it didn’t work out and it was all for the best. I don’t really want a child by somebody that I would have to go to bed with. Especially someone I did not desire in any way, form or fashion.

If I was to conceive a child it will be done because I truly want her and not out of any unnatural sexual lust or desire.

I was proud of myself for not having no sexual attachment, no sexual feeling, and no emotion when I did the act. I did not feel any pleasure nor any pain. I did not feel anything mentally or physically.

And I had absolutely no respect for the guy I was with. It was a ridiculous act, one that made no sense. And it really made me wonder what was wrong with the rest of the world and god. Sex is not sacred to me, sex is sick!

I’ve been through numerous deep “spiritual experiences” since childhood. I’ve had evil witchcraft spirits removed/extracted from my body. I’ve had spirits go through me-come in/leave out. And god himself was the demonic force behind the “brujeria” that I went through in the past-and the brujeria that has tried to be sent back to me during a many failed attempts.

I know this for a fact. I saw it through my own eyes. I bet there are many who don’t know that and many who would not believe it because they think god is so good. But I know, I experienced it, and I know who Satan “really” is. And I am glad to know the truth. No one has a clue of the things/realities that I feel, hear, know, and see.

A lot of people believe that “god” has the strongest power. I do not because if he did he would have been able to destroy me a long time ago through his evil followers. I told this neighbor of mine years ago that I felt that god was sick. And she got highly excited and upset with me.

“God is not sick”, she said raising her voice. “Don’t you know that god can suck the life out of you?!”

“So why hasn’t he?” I said to myself.

Some time after our disagreement this woman developed medical problems and was put on oxygen. She got one of her legs cut off from gangrene that was associated with diabetes, caught dementia and then eventually died. So who got the life sucked out of whom?

It may sound harsh but she talked that shit to me just for expressing what I felt and look what happened to her. I don’t go around knocking anyone or telling them what will happen to them just because they do not agree with what I do or do not believe in.

Some people seriously need to check themselves. It is one thing to have a belief/opinion and another to try to force something onto someone. It just doesn’t work that way. There definitely is a powerful force/forces other than “god”. And that is fact.

What the bible considers or/and refers to as devil worship is my “love and light”. Now of course, I know better-that it is not actually the true worship of demons even though demons do disguise themselves in many different forms and fashions. And I could just as easily say that most are being deceived by god as god to me is what Satan is to the Christians.

There is so much that I could express, debate with, and so on, however there is so much that I am able to put in a post.

For the most part though, I am surrounded by peace, happiness, and truth. I feel free, secure, and strong. I am my self, my true self, all of the things that my love and light allows me to be.

My love and light gives me pleasure. God always made me feel miserable. My love and light wants me to be who I am. God wants me to be who he wants me to be-someone who is not my self.

God has continuously tried to fight for my identity to overtake my spirit and it is a battle that he will never win. That crap about giving us all free will is a lie. I know for me as a spiritual person with strong sensitivities and wisdom that he wants me to yield and lean towards his own structural program.

I never loved god. I do not like his style. I do not like his certain creations. I’d rather not have life than to live under any influences of his. My mind is something that he will never get inside of to brainwash and control.

Every thing that I feel is completely of my own. No one has ever been able to coerce me and no one has put anything into my head. I came to know what I know naturally and honestly and I am absolutely proud. I am a grown woman!

I love my ancestors and orishas-my spiritual connections/the universe-and all of my positive spiritual energies. I am a very good person who has lead a very good life. A good life that “god” cannot take any credit for!

I have gone through so much in this life on account of sick negativity and negative people and I was still the one to come out untouched and unaffected. And I owe that all to my strong spirit along with my “loves and lights” that have always shined upon me with the most ultimate of care.

Our bonds are so tremendously strong and our loyalties are so immensely tight that if the tables were turned “id rather burn in a hell with what I love and respect than to abide in a so called heaven with a god that I loathe and despise. Perhaps the day will come when god will exist no more (that would be something for me to look forward to-wishful thinking!)

I do not at all fear going to a place of eternal torment. Torment for me would be spending eternity with god. A place in where I do not want to be. God is the hellfire. Many get a taste of his hell right here on earth-yet they still foolishly praise him and glorify him, to each their own.

I definitely do not care what anyone thinks or says about me, I never did. I do however get highly insulted if or when someone tries or wants to connect me in any way with their god of the bible. His scriptures, will, and so called authority has no bearing on me. I have no regard for him whatsoever and he is not above me. He is nothing but shit!

When You Become Targeted By The Crafty Ways Of A Liar

Hello everyone. As most who read my blog already know, I am a clairvoyant who was born with the caul “veil”. And people like myself are very sensitive spiritually as psychic ability opens us up into awareness to every and all things of the universe and the energies in which surrounds us and the atmosphere.

Having true knowledge, wisdom, and particular insights, I have always been ahead of my time and a target for jealous and resentful people who despise me for stating the facts, whatever the subject may be that is at hand.

It is very wise to question and thoroughly analyze what is brought to us in this society especially when experience contradicts what is supposedly set forth as truth.

When you challenge people who consider themselves as authority figures simply because of their job titles and/or social status they often tend to retaliate against you and set out to ruin your credibility.

They are very insecure and need to gather others in an attempt to validate themselves and to aid them in taking down their target by devious, malevolent strategies.

When people in particular who maintain to hold upon individuals with a certain level of knowledge and information, to keep them under influence and order, and someone else comes along distributing examples to investigate they automatically lose their powers of persuasion.

For two days straight I’ve had a very negative feeling in the pit of my stomach due to a lady by the name of Helena Fortissima (an anesthesiologist who resigned from her position) who is trying her best in vain to destroy my credibility and the genuineness of my knowledge.

Helena is making a terrible fool of herself, however she cannot see it. She is a very disturbed individual. This woman does not know what she has gotten herself into. Trying to take down me-a caulbearer-helena definitely needs to check herself.

Before I go into further detail I just want to acknowledge that this is a personal attack against me by those who look for any small opportunity with no legitimate basis, then manipulate the situation by turning and twisting things around to completely outright lying just to serve their conspired purpose.

I was never even worried about this nonsense, never gave this a second thought. I never do in a silly situation regarding trash.

Nevertheless, I woke up again this morning feeling Helena’s negativity and fixation on me and my spirit led me to write this post. Urging me to clue people on, the ones who are in the dark about the crafty ways of sick-minded liars who are offended by the truth and can’t deal with the dirt of their past.

It all started with the directory website blog catalog. I signed up just to get my blog listed because a lot of people find my blog in different places and enjoy reading about what I present because I am straight up and I speak the truth.

At blog catalog, people are invited to take part in discussions by writing articles. I wasn’t at all interested in participating in any of the discussions I just wrote a few articles to maintain an active membership.

The day before yesterday I just so happened to write a brief article on diseases that can be caught through sexual contact and Helena Fortissima (a member of the site who does not know me personally) caught a hold of it, dragged it out of context and is making a campaign out of it by addressing to the online world that I am sending out dangerous misinformation.

And my article was not even about diseases itself but about certain people’s behavior when they catch them and how the diseases can and will affect their bodies along down the line at a later time in life, and how they should take and be more responsible for their actions.

I mentioned “shingles”, the virus involving the chicken pox syndrome. And she insists on proving that I am declaring that people in general get it through sexual contact which I did not.

What I said and I do know this for a fact- and I can back it up-and I don’t care what anyone else would have to say about it, is that the shingle virus is able to be spread by sexual contact. I know people personally who this happened to. And this is not hearsay.

People who have dealt with me on a friendship level in the past when I socialized more often confided in me because they felt comfortable with me and I was open-minded and easy to talk to.

And I am going to leave it like that because I am sick and tired of Helena’s shit. I don’t have any time for it. My life is centered around more important valuable things that are going on in life.

We all have our different own way and style of expressing ourselves. I can’t help who will want to misrepresent what I write and how I word it.

An intelligent and wise person will weigh out matters with logical and reasonable thought process. And I am glad to be one of those level headed individuals with integrity and class.

Here I Have Provided A Link To Helena’s Irrational Debate And A Copy Of My Article: When Do Opinions And Misinformation Become Dangerous

I Tested The Link Above And It Did Not Load The Page So Here Is The Address:

http://www.blogcatalog.com/discuss/entry/when-do-opinions-and-misinformation-become-dangerous

Update: Saturday September 8, 2012- (Helena spilled out her guts in her blog post today. I copied and pasted it underneath my article along with her blog address. I read that bitch right. I knew that she wasn’t shit)

The Sad Truths About Herpes And Other Diseases:

In this day and age as everybody should already know venereal diseases are spread rampant. And so many people have caught them due to their reckless behavior.

Some individuals still have the attitude that if they were to catch an infection all that they’d have to do is to go to the doctor and get treated.

The hard facts is that these days the most common and most spread diseases are permanent or have long life term medical conditions and consequences to the body and internal organs.

I know plenty of people who have and who have died from aids. And I know three people personally who live with herpes (and shingles).

Before I go into detail about aids and herpes, I will mention about the individuals that I know who have been infected with gonorrhea and Chlamydia. Not to sound judgmental, however, these two females in particular would hop around from man to man till one day they hopped into something fatal.

One woman’s unborn baby died inside of her months before she was able to give birth, and the other woman constantly went through a series of consecutive miscarriages and stillbirths during numerous relationships with different men due to what resulted into pelvic inflammatory disease.

I’ve observed it over and over again how those in particular suffer for their negative careless behavior. Common sense would tell these people that if they were going to indulge and live dangerously to take some precaution instead of later drowning in their sorrows and corrupting and inflaming other innocent people.

The mentality that many individuals who are infected with aids and herpes have is to intentionally give their disease to another person.

Some are angry, bitter, embarrassed, hurt and do not want to be alone and would not feel so bad if others were riding in the same boat as they are.

One lady in particular married a man knowing that she had herpes. She thought that she could buy him with the money that she possessed. Another lady was walking around with the shingles clearly obvious on her face just below her mouth near her chin. And she pretended not to know what the permanent eruption was. She admitted that it didn’t bother her to sleep around with other women’s husbands or boyfriends.

The third lady had a history of drug use and was going through a nasty ordeal with a younger guy who’d just married her for the land that she’d inherited.

These people use these permanent and deadly diseases as weapons and advantages, ways to keep a hold on to someone or to get back at someone for something.

What happen to the days when people caught venereal infections that taught them lessons to learn by? That taught them how to change? And that taught them how precious their bodies and lives were?

Aids and herpes are viruses that don’t go away. And the situations and predicaments that certain individuals put others in do not always go as planned. Very negative drawbacks came from what those women did and I will not go into detail as it is not necessary.

Venereal diseases are nothing to play around with if they can be helped.

I have never had one and I don’t ever want one. And I could never imagine putting myself in the predicament of catching one. I know that a lot of it has to do with the lifestyle that one leads and I am and have always been asexual so I have never desired to spread myself around or at all for that matter. Therefore I do not understand the lust and needs for the sexual intimacy that some cannot restrain from.

There is a time and a place for any and everything, and of course, my article does not at all represent the majority of the world- but it does represent a good chosen number.

It is here. It is what is going on. And it is what is happening around us. And it is taking place more than what some people would think.

The bottom line is that some individuals are just as poisonous and deadly as a disease, if not worse. And just as you never know who may be carrying whatever ailment-you never know what ailment may be “carrying that person”.

Helena Fortissima’s blog and post

http://www.channelinghippocrates.com/2012_09_01_archive.html

Something Majestic
Last night, I dreamed that I was being apprehended on foot by the police. I had no idea what I’d done wrong, or why they were after me, but I had a vague sense that I was about to be “found out.” Even though I knew there wasn’t much point in running, I wasn’t going to let them catch me if I could help it. When I finally woke up, I was exhausted, nearly out of breath. Spartacus was awake already, still in bed, and as we lay there talking about the dream, he said, clearly interpreting the dream at face value, “That means you’ve done something wrong and you’re trying to get away with it.” Ironically speaking, though, he’s right.
How in God’s name did I end up with the life I have today? I should have been dead a long time ago. Thirty years back, I was a 19 year old shell of a girl I once knew–an annihilated spirit, worn out from years of seeking approval for who I was–hell bent on self-destruction, medicating my crappy self esteem with drugs and sex, wrecking my body, consorting with criminals, stealing from my parents, corrupting my younger brothers, wreaking havoc within our family, asphyxiating from shame and remorse in the quicksand of despair that I alone had created. There are years of my life that I have no recollection of; perhaps it’s better that way. The way it all went down is surreal: standing naked in the middle of my room, admitting all the terrible things I’d done to my father, crying together as he embraced me; escaping from the psych hospital after a week because I was afraid I might really be crazy; voluntarily signing myself into an ultra-confrontational family treatment center which lied to me, holding me against my will when I tried to leave; the nightmarish manipulation of my family and me during those 14 months, the constant and insidious brainwashing; the unbearable social isolation; the food and sleep deprivation; the exercise sessions, used as group punishment, conducted in a windowless space with the heat turned all the way up in mid-summer; the countless dreams of escaping from that building, of being able to take a shit without someone watching me, of no longer being humiliated or led around by the belt loop at the hands of an authority figure half my age, of simply being able to taste birthday cake again; the endless repetition of David Bowie lyrics in my head while sitting for hours at a time on hard blue plastic chairs so that I wouldn’t forget who I was; the eventual reformation which occurred the day I finally caved in; the assimilation into recovery from an addiction I never had in the first place, becoming part of a system I hated because I could see no other way out, the regret over which I’ve never fully forgiven myself for, wondering whose last shreds of dignity or integrity I might have destroyed because I had none left of my own.
What exactly have I been running from all these years? I’m a fucking physician, for Chrissakes! I’ve legitimately worked my way to the top of the educational and professional ladders, but I still don’t feel integrated. There’s always been a part of me that I’ve felt necessary to conceal in order to get where I wanted to go. I’m finished hiding. I don’t have anything to apologize for. I’m who I am today because of all the shit I’ve been through in my life, not in spite of it. Every single trial and tribulation I’ve endured has been transformative in some way, and though I haven’t always recognized that in the midst of a crisis, somehow I’ve managed to flourish from this amplitude of misadventures. I’m really not a complicated person. It’s taken me decades to recover my original personality, the one Straight, Inc. tried so hard to deconstruct and obliterate, but even when I was Robot Me, my true self clung tenaciously to whatever sparks of Old Me it could find, and held them for safekeeping. It’s taken me a good 20-something years to get here, but I’m back, braving my own personal renaissance, the sparkling clarity from which is surging out in torrents. I am in tears. I am intact.
nd that just got more and more so over the years!”

I’ve loved my life, even when I hated it. That’s probably why I’m still alive today, the mother of gorgeously kind and talented 22 year old twin sons, the ex-wife of the father of my children, who I consider my good friend, the wife of my beloved Spartacus, who opens his heart anew to me every day, the daughter-sister-friend-artist-cook-physician-writer who’s always been known as Helena, because something in that girl refused to surrender, something infinitely sustaining, something so fragile it couldn’t break, something majestic.

This Is A Photo Of Helena When She Was About Twenty-Six Or Twenty Seven-What An Ugly Bitch:

About Helena

Why do you blog?
I started blogging after resigning from my current position as an anesthesiologist in a small community hospital. The corruption of the physician-staffing corporation I was working for, along with the hospital’s administration, had finally crystallized and I realized that I was being viewed less as a physician, and more as part of a machine. Many of my blogs are inspired by things that have happened or observations I’ve made throughout my life, and most of them are somehow intertwined with the world of medicine. I’m blogging as a wake up call to physicians, healthcare workers, and the general public alike. Let’s start defining ourselves in terms of who we are, through embracing our unique interests, our individual contributions to society, and our humanness. It’s a helluva lot more interesting than defining ourselves by what we do for a living.

Share two things about you that no one knows :)?
I am a former wild child of the 80s…that’s enough

 

Asexuality/Asexual And Proud

I, LaToya Lawrence knew that i was Asexual ever since i was a young teenager, and i am so very proud to be that way as others are.  There are many people in this society who are ignorant to exactly what being Asexual means. To those who have no knowledge about it, some knowledge to it, or who are just plain interested in learning or learning more about the subject i have posted the accurate truth!  I copied the following article for review:

Asexual People – No Sex Please!

What is Asexual? Define Asexual and Asexuality

As a teenager, Cijay Morgan couldn’t understand the fuss her friends made over dating and boys. “My friends were pairing off and talking about crushes on movie stars, and I just didn’t get it,” remembers Morgan, now 42. As an adult, her dating life always stalled because she had absolutely no interest in a physical relationship.

Then, a few years ago, Morgan stumbled across an online community of people who defined themselves as asexual, meaning that they did not experience sexual attraction. “It was absolutely liberating, like bells ringing and doors opening,” she says. “I felt like going up to everybody and saying, ‘There’s a word for me!’”

According to a surprising new study, one in 100 adults has no interest in sex. And as awareness grows, more and more people, like Morgan, feel comfortable proudly identifying as asexual. Although they don’t want to bond between the sheets, many of them do want to fall in love or find a life partner. But in a world where sex can seem all-important, dating and relationships pose special challenges for them.

Is Asexuality Common?

While illness, depression, or certain medications can cause a temporary drop in sex drive or arousal, people who consider themselves asexual say their lack of interest in sex is a permanent part of their identity. “The biggest misconceptions are that something bad happened to make us this way, and that we can be fixed, or even want to be fixed,” Morgan says.

A recent study suggests that asexuality may be surprisingly common. Of the study’s more than 18,000 participants, one percent said they agreed with the statement, “I have never felt sexually attracted to anyone at all.”

As with any sexual orientation, what’s considered “asexual” ranges widely, and there’s a huge variety in the experiences of people who identify as asexual. “A lot of [asexuals] have had some sexual interest at one point in their lives,” says study author Anthony Bogaert, a professor at Brock University in St. Catherines, Ontario.

Love without sex

But just because someone isn’t interested in sex doesn’t mean they’re not interested in love. While some are happiest alone, asexual people can feel romantic attraction and have intimate relationships. They may like to cuddle and be physically close to others. Some get married and even have children. (In Bogaert’s study, 33 percent of asexuals were currently married or living with a partner.) “When it works, it’s not about the sex you’re not having, it’s about all the other things you share together,” says David Jay, 22, who’s known he was asexual since his early teens.

The challenge, of course, is finding a partner who either has a similar lack of interest in sex or can compromise. If you’re asexual, it’s important to get that out in the open early on, says Tina Tessina, Ph.D., a psychotherapist and author of The Unofficial Guide to Dating Again. She points out that the topic of what you’re looking for in a relationship often comes up during the early stages of dating, and that can provide an opening to say something like, “You should know that I’m not very interested in sex.” “Sex is an expected component of dating these days,” she says. “If you’re truly asexual, you need to let people know that. And if it’s going to chase someone away, so be it—why would you want to hold on to someone who’s not right for you?”

Norman, 20, got to know his current love interest online before breaking the news. “I just braced myself and said, ‘There’s something I have to tell you: I’m asexual,’” he says. Luckily, there was enough interest on both sides that the two are trying to make the relationship work, despite their sexual differences.

Bridging the sexual gap

What if you’re already in a relationship and you think you or your partner may be asexual? “If one of you isn’t responding to sexual overtures, or is constantly putting the other off or avoiding situations that could turn sexual, that’s the indication that something is going on and you have to talk about it,” Tessina says.

To do so, sit down in a calm moment, outside the bedroom, Tessina says. Then open by saying, “I realize that you’re feeling frustrated and that I’m not responding sexually to you as much as you like,” or “I’m feeling frustrated and you’re not responding sexually to me as much as I’d like.” Ask your partner how he or she feels, then give him or her a couple of minutes to talk, without interrupting. If you know or suspect that you’re asexual, say so, but be sure to tell your partner, “I care about you, and this isn’t a personal rejection; I just don’t have an interest in sex.”

Finally, talk about possible compromises. Some asexual people do have sex to make their partners happy, while others can’t tolerate it at all. These couples need to invest in lots of frank communication, as Norman and his partner are doing, knowing the right balance will come with time. His advice to other couples in the same boat? “Talk it through with your partner and find a middle ground. Neither one of you can bend all the way to one extreme. Only the two of you can decide what the right compromise is for you.”

For more information on asexuality, visit the Asexual Visibility and Education Network (AVEN) at http://www.asexuality.org.

Article by: Jeannie Kim, a New York-based writer and editor who writes frequently on relationship and health issues.

As An ASexual Person I’m Sharing My Personal Views And Feelings

One thing i don’t hear too much about is people who are Asexual. I personally am Asexual. I’m not into men or women. I would never judge anyone as myself because everyone is an individual.

From my personal experience, however, i’ve never sexually desired a penis and i know there are quite a few other women out there in the world who feel the same way that i do who are not lesbians.

During my teenage years i discovered my clitoris and experienced orgasms. I wasn’t at all afraid to explore my body. Why should i have been? It was my body.

I had never had sexual intercourse with a man. And after experiencing pleasurable sensations from stimulating my clitoris i still did not have the desire or curiosity to explore a penis.

During my mid twenties i decided that i wanted to have a child. It was then and for that reason only that i settled for dealing with a man sexually.

I would have preferred to go to a sperm bank but at that particular time i did not have the money to do so. So i engaged in sexual activity a few times at a very short time period in one month. And the act did not do anything for me.

I did not feel any sexual pleasure at all. To me, sexual intercourse is definitely a mind thing.

I did not have any feelings for the guy that i dealt with for that occasion. In fact, he disgusted me. He was into me and wanted a relationship. I had to get rid of him quick.

Some people will become sexually attached as he did. And, some men are so macho they think their penis can change your mind. But it is not at all in the stroke for me. Sex is all in the mind and can’t no man or his penis do a thing for me!

The thought of a man touching me in any way whether it is with a kiss, caress or touch by penetration turns me off.

My efforts didn’t work in the process. His ego got into the way.

This guy wanted me to want him. It sometimes takes months before conception occurs but i couldn’t let no man have sex with me over and over again!

And when he found out that i was never going to actually come around to desiring him he attempted to pretend that he would conceive a child with me. Just to get back at me.

I didn’t have time for any games. I wanted one thing and one thing only, and that was a baby. I considered having sex a sacrifice because the penetration of a man’s penis was and felt so unnatural to me.

I have not indulged in anymore sexual activity since and that was nearly ten years ago. I don’t ever plan on attempting to make a baby with the assistance of a man ever again.

As being Asexual, another thing in this society is really disgusting to me. And that is how some men try to destroy a women by making up sexual lies about them or telling about what may have went on in the bedroom between the two of them.

Certain types of people tend to believe men when they fabricate tales of sexual encounters and will join in with the slander by trying to degrade the women.

Words like “slut” don’t bother me because the word has nothing to do with me. It is beneath me.

You have those though that don’t look at it that way.

When most men and even some women call other women a derogatory name like “whore” or “slut” they expect it to hurt deep down inside to make the person feel very low. And in this day and age this society still accepts the act of letting men ruin some women’s reputations when it comes to sexual matters.

A man can go around sleeping with hundreds of women while he is considered a “king”. A woman as everybody knows on the other hand will be considered one of the most rotten things in the world.

Many still believe that most women will break down to lose their confidence if a man trashes their name by putting them out there as a skank. It gives them a great sense of power.

I can’t speak for anyone else personally on this matter although i know i’m not the only woman who feels this way since there are such a wide variety of people in our world, but no man or woman could ever lower or make me completely lose my self-confidence by using sexual gestures that are considered offensive in this society.

I am a human being who doesn’t go along with the many brainwashing and beliefs of what is suppose to maintain and lower a woman’s worth.

I don’t think that it is right for a woman to sleep around with many other people if she loves herself. The body is one’s temple and one should want to keep it very healthy and clean.

At the same time i do not believe that a woman who sleeps around lowers her value. I just believe it means that she does not value herself!

My Confessions

January 28th, 2012

Everyone makes mistakes and indeed this was a big one! Everything in my post is the truth except for what I mentioned about God.

I wrote this post about fives years ago and now I can come out with the total truth that I could not say at the time. I don’t really feel that I did anything wrong. I don’t really believe that the only true protection comes from The God Of The Bible.

My actions did not cause me to be open for any attack because I don’t believe in or follow that God of the bible’s sick “will” especially that garbage about a man and a woman becoming one flesh. I will always be whole and complete and no one flesh with nobody.

I truly feel that God was responsible for allowing those sick witchcraft experiences because I never cared for him and belonged to him, and I thank my lucky stars because I don’t ever want to be one of his children.

I have true supervision and protection from my Ancestors and Orishas like I had all through out my life I just had to get reconnected and reacquainted since I was attacked by witchcraft at such an early age ( ever since I was seven ).

Even though I didn’t truly from my heart mean what I said in this post regarding “God” I really regret having done so because I would never intentionally want to give him any type of glory or justification whatsoever!

And I know damn well that my beautiful soul will never enter a place of hell even if I ever did get an abortion. “I’ve seen where i’m going”, God Of The Bible has no claims over me. He does not apply to me or my life. And I am so glad that I am at a place in my life where I can acknowledge it and back it up fiercely. And I don’t give a damn what anyone who is blinded by him has to say about it!

Wednesday, October 04, 2006 at 8:17 PM EDT

I don’t know why I’m calling this post my confessions. I’ve never had anything to hide. What i really mean by confessing is just acknowledging more in depth how i feel about particular things regarding myself.

I am a female. A woman. And I’m very glad to be. I am strong-minded, strong-willed, determined, stubborn, confident, opinionated, outspoken and a few other things. When i was a little girl i loved to have fun just like most children and i was very creative.

A lot of children have an idea of what they want to be when they become an adult. I knew by the age of ten that i would write and that is the age that i began writing the short stories that i use to. I also knew that when i grew up that i never wanted to marry. I am thirty-one years old now and have never had a boyfriend.

So i really did know what i did and did not want early on. I also knew that one day when i was ready i would want to have two children, preferably two female children. Two daughters. My two little girls. The only problem was how would i get them? I didn’t want no man on top of me.

I thought going to a sperm bank would cost too much money for me at the time since there was no guarantee that conception would occur during the first insemination. I’ve heard of women spending up to six thousands of dollars after numerous tries before actual conception occurred through being artificially inseminated by a doctor.

So if i really wanted to have a child I’d have to do what i had to do and that would mean lying down with a man that i didn’t want. It wouldn’t have been a problem. A whole lot of men were interested in me during my younger years. They just didn’t understand why i didn’t want to be bothered since most young women are man-crazy and are heavily into a man.

I was just the opposite. A few of the reasons i paid my admirers no attention was because the majority of them were nothing, nobodies. They were in my opinion unattractive and definitely undesirable as far as their physical appearance and level of mentality. What turned me off the most, though, is them approaching me like automatically without them even knowing me, that i was suppose to have an inclination for males.

They made a general assumption about me that was definitely not true. I am Asexual and very proud of it. I’ve never ever had any emotional or physical desire for a man. When guys had crushes on me and expressed their feelings in their own ways it disgusted me where others would think that it was cute or normal. And i am very sure most consider having a crush on someone then acting on it normal.

I felt if a guy was attracted to me and wanted to be with me he should have kept it to himself because he didn’t stand a chance with me. Then i began to think about it a little bit, and thought about using a man’s feelings for me to my advantage. You know when someone is into you and you are not into them then you have the upper hand.

Some of the guys who were interested in me had heard that i was a virgin and probably thought ( in their mind if they were to ever get the chance) by having sex with me they could turn me out or that i would change and become attached to them and fall all over them then a man would have some significance to me. Boy did they have me figured out wrong! Some of those male egos and ignorance’s need to go! There is a whole lot that some men really need to learn.

Yes, i was a virgin as far as never ever having intercourse with a man. A male penis had never penetrated my vagina but i had already experienced sexual pleasure without the aid of a man.

You see, i had discovered my clitoris years beforehand. It is a very sensitive area connected to nerves inside the body that with the educated touch of a finger ( i learned naturally on my own ) there are very nice sensations and climaxes to experience. There is absolutely nothing wrong with self experimentation, getting to know and love your own self sexually before letting someone else take control. But when a man is inside of you he is not the one really in control of giving you your pleasure.

It is all up to you and your mind whether or not your body will allow his penis to ignite those sensations. You have to already have an attraction or desire for a man in order to feel any pleasure from him. This particular subject is not embarrassing and it should not be. It is important.

When i was a little girl i curiously took a mirror to see what my vagina looked like. What’s wrong with that? Nothing! None of these things mean that you are being a bad girl or fresh. It is being smart and knowledgeable.

During the very first and only time period i tried to get pregnant by attempting sexual intercourse i felt absolutely nothing, no kind of sensation or pleasure whatsoever from the penis i endured because i had no desire and emotion to be with any male. On the other hand though, i could go and stimulate my clitoris on my own while i was alone and feel all the pleasure in the world because my mind was happily accepting that i was the one who was causing sensations received by myself.

My mind and body was and is not receptive to the thought of being touched by a man since nothing about a man arouses me. My body doesn’t want something pounding inside and out, that is just plain stupid! During clitoral stimulation, there is no penetration. Only i can arouse myself as i am in love with myself. And i haven’t ever been with any other man since. That was years ago. And for the future there won’t be another one.

My vagina is strictly off limits as it has always been. There is no man anywhere around me or in my neighborhood who can honestly say that they had me or will have me because now i have the money to go to a sperm bank if i really want to.

Even if i didn’t have the money i still would not resort to lying down with a man because that is not who i am and because to me it is so unnatural. My clitoris is natural. I was born with it. I know how to take care of myself. If i want a vaginal massage, i prefer myself.

When and if i eventually do get pregnant, like i mentioned before I’d prefer to have girls. My girls because i know they’d be very similar to me i have very strong genes. If i unfortunately get pregnant with a boy I’d be very pissed off and disappointed then I’d go seek an abortion. You see, there is no way in the world that i would want or have anything male growing up inside of me.

I know the way that i feel goes against God’s will just as fornication. God would prefer that i get married then have children and accept the children no matter what the sex is especially since I’m so spiritually blessed the way that i am.

However, i have my own will. And it goes against God’s. Now i live a very clean life as it is. I never went astray. I fornicated on only one occasion and that was done purely to make a baby and not out of any type of lust but i think the act itself left me open and vulnerable to the attack of evil spirits when my enemies worked their witchcraft.

Protection comes with God’s Holy Spirit and his spirit is not to be defiled by any spiritual uncleanliness. Now while witchcraft was unable to affect my strength, mind, actions and emotions it was able to affect my progress in life by interfering with my destiny.

So it wasn’t so much about my enemies having the ability to attack me it was that at the hands of my own actions i gave them the opportunity by disobeying God and defiling his Holy Spirit. If i had been married the act would’ve been clean.

Nevertheless, you know what? I still say even though i am spiritually restored now i don’t think that was fair. And life is not fair. I am a very good person and i don’t deny the power and works of the Lord but my heart is hardened against the way God set certain things.

The only real big sin that i was and am guilty of is rebellion. I still refuse to want to do it the Lord’s way by getting married to have a child and I’d still get an abortion or want to if i ever get pregnant with a male child. If i did get married I’d just be using the man for what i want. It just wouldn’t work out.

I lose patience in just two weeks of being around a man. And like i said before I’d never have any sexual dealings with a man as long as i live so if i lose God’s partial protection again by trying to conceive a child out of wedlock through going to a sperm bank and getting rid of a fetus because it turns out to be a boy then the Lord is just not right. My feelings will never change even if i risk spending an eternity burning in hell for it.

Jealousy In The Family

Wednesday, February 08, 2006 at 1:12 PM EST

Most jealousy starts at home within the family. And this has been going on since the beginning of time, just like with the story of Cain and Abel. I had the potential and “energy” to make a lot of money from the books that i wrote and most of my big bucks never reached me (a spiritual freeze) because of my two most envious relatives. They never wanted me to have anything.

My great-grandmother Amanda and aunt Tina are two of the dirtiest dogs walking the face of the earth. I call them dogs because they’re not worthy of the title “women”. They’ve tried to have me raped and killed but those things didn’t go through, i was able to avoid those situations.

Amanda and Tina used outsiders to aide them in going against me to try to ruin my life. They lied to some people to get them to go along with doing their dirt. And those particular people fell for the lies because some wouldn’t think that a grandmother would go around lying on their grandchildren to destroy them, and since she was old they probably figured that she knew what she was talking about.

Some people are blinded by age. Others went along with them because they were in the same category as Amanda and Tina, low-down and no good.

Amanda and Tina are both dykes. Well, they’re really bisexual ’cause they mess with men too. They have a lot in common. They were beat up and dogged by men before and mistreated by some who were supposed to be their friends, and they are so sick that they both practice evil voodoo. I’ve never let no man or anybody use and abuse me, people can only do that if you allow them to.

Amanda is jealous of other’s within our family also, not just me, and they know about it because we’ve discussed it. She’s talked about all of us like a dog to one another. But we know she’s just mad that our lives turned out better than her’s. Some man that Amanda use to go with had sex with her when she was young and busted her vagina wide open because his penis was too big and she had to get stitched up. I guess that is enough to make anybody mad but it’s not our fault that she was stupid enough to let some man bang her up so badly. What goes around comes back around and every evil thing that Amanda and Tina did to me and my other family members has caught up with them.

They are both dying from AIDS, a disease that the doctor’s can’t cure. My uncle got his too he died from the disease two years ago. I’ve watched them waste away. The two of them are both miserable and are taking their sins slowly but surely to their grave while we-my other family members and i-still have plenty more life to live harmoniously and without regret. And the sad thing about it is that even though Amanda and Tina have a little bit of time left they are still using it to do more dirt. But the good thing is that they can’t touch us anymore. They never really had total power over us, it’s just that their ability to work evil has finally come to an end.

Virginity/Celibacy/Sexuality

Wednesday, February 01, 2006 at 3:36 PM EST

  • I was born asexual and i am very proud to be that way. Some believe it isn’t normal to not have any so-called “nature”. It doesn’t bother me what people think, i couldn’t imagine myself any different than what i am. I’m not attracted to men or women. And I gratefully don’t have any sexual desires.

  • When some people in the past found out that i didn’t want to be bothered with men they automatically assumed that it was because i was worried about a man only trying to use me for one thing like “sex”, or that maybe i saw or experienced some type of negativity involving a man somewhere along down the line in my life. But neither of those things were true.

  • I hate when people make ignorant generalizations. I’ve never been in a bad relationship and I’ve never been raped. And, I’ve never seen any of my female family members in any serious abusive relationships with men.Most people say a man and a woman are suppose to be together. I understand that God made it that way, nevertheless, i still don’t care. I am nowhere near ashamed of who i am.

  • If i get ridiculed because everybody else may enjoy the company of a man and are having sex and i am not-too bad. Is it really realistic or corny for someone to not or not be interested in having sexual intercourse in this day an age?. I absolutely don’t have a problem with acknowledging my point of view on the matter. I love my body and will continue to naturally not desire anyone sexually.

  • Some people don’t even know what A-sexual is or means. The term means to be without sexuality, not inclined to sexual feelings or acts. I’m not into men or women. I’m strictly into myself and what i want out of my life.

  • There have been a lot of men who were attracted to me throughout the years but i have honestly never met a man who could stir up any sexual excitement in me. A man can be attractive and i still am not attracted to him. There have been a couple of men who got angry at me for rejecting them and tried to get back at me by trying to defame my character but it doesn’t matter because the truth withstands everything even if some aren’t able to see it.

  • Although i am a healthy woman who does not want to be romantically involved with anyone i am still a woman who may possibly have a child if i decide to bring one into this sick world. Even though it is a natural desire for me as a woman to want to have children, I’ll think long and hard about it because i don’t want no child of mine to have to endure the many things that life will sometimes put one through. If i do have my child or children it will definitely be through artificial insemination.

  • I heard people say that once a person begins to engage in sexual intercourse that they won’t be able to stop. That is a lie! I heard people say that something is wrong with a male or female if they don’t want to be with someone of their opposite sex. That is a lie! Sex means different things to different people.

  • To some it is a way of expressing their love to another person. To some it’s strictly about pleasure, gratifying oneself. To me, sex is nothing but a mind thing and a way to reproduce. It only means something if you make it mean something.To some people sex has significant meaning. I’ve heard women say that a lot of emotions go into having intercourse, and i don’t understand that. I’ll say again in my honest opinion and from experience, sex is nothing more than a mind thing. I don’t see how a man sticking his penis up inside of a woman’s vagina is an expression of love.

  • I’ve even heard that some women will fall in love with a man after being pleasured greatly by sex. And, i don’t understand that either. I don’t see how people let sexual sensations affect their emotions. What does one have to do with the other? It seems to me that sex is just a feeling to those who are receptive to it, and a penis is not necessarily needed to experience pleasure.

  • Every woman does not feel sensations from a man’s penis during sexual intercourse. The clitoris can satisfy a woman when a man cannot and, that has nothing to do with emotion or love.If i was to engage in sexual behavior-as i did in the distant past in an attempt to conceive a child which did not turn out in my favor since i was so disgusted by the act-my only worthwhile reason for doing so would be for reproductive purposes. I don’t have to love, care, or have an attraction for someone in particular to make a baby with them. I would just be sacrificing my body to get what i want and i don’t see no better reason than for a child.

  • There are people who believe that if a woman has sex with a man that she has no feelings for she’s being whorish. And she is considered a bad girl. Men do it all of the time but it is accepted. Some men can’t handle the thought of a woman who is naturally able to go to bed with them without having any emotions attached. Well it exists and I’m living proof.

Me, Myself, And I

Sunday, March 05, 2006 at 4:42 PM EST

I love being a woman. I don’t know anything else. I love my breasts and i love my vagina, they belong to me. Carnal knowledge of a man does not make me a woman. Not wanting a man does not make me a lesbian. I am who i am, and who i am comes from within.

Born a female does not mean that i am weak, vulnerable, or docile. And it doesn’t mean that a man can break me down with so-called harsh words. I don’t know who came up with society’s definition of what a woman is supposed to be because i am the complete opposite.

I was born this way. I am smart, strong, independent, confident, trustworthy, and spiritually inclined. I’m not marriage material, but i’m mother material.

I was told that if i ever experience the penis i won’t be able to stay away from it. And those words came from a whore.

I knew that wasn’t true. My vagina has no use for the penis. It doesn’t need or want it. If a man can’t stimulate my mind he can’t stimulate my precious vagina. And i’m all woman, black and proud.

I am nowhere near ugly.

I’m not the best person in the world and i’m not the worst. However, i am enough for myself. I love who i am and what i can do. Some think that i’m crazy, some think that i’m just deep.

I don’t give a fuck because i know that i am unique.

Sex Without Emotion

Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 3:20 PM EST

To some people sex has meaning. I’ve heard women say that a lot of emotions go into having intercourse and i don’t understand that.

To me, sex is a mind thing. I don’t see how a man sticking his penis up inside of a woman’s vagina is an expression of love.

I’ve even heard that some women will fall in love with a man after being pleasured greatly by sex. And, i don’t understand that either. I don’t see how people let sexual sensations affect their emotions. What does one have to do with the other?

It seems to me that sex is nothing but a feeling and a penis is not necessarily needed to experience pleasure. Every woman does not feel sensations from a man’s penis during sexual intercourse.

The clitoris can satisfy a woman when a man cannot and that has nothing to do with emotion or love.

If i was to engage in sexual behavior my only worthwhile reason for doing so would be for reproductive purposes. I don’t have to love, care, or have an attraction for someone to make a baby with them. I would just be sacrificing my body to get what i want and i don’t see no better reason than for a child.

There are people who believe that if a woman has sex with a man that she has no feelings for she’s being whorish. And she is considered a bad girl. Men do it all of the time but it is accepted. Some men can’t handle the thought of a woman who is naturally able to go to bed with them without having any emotions attached.

Well it exists, and i’m living proof.

ASexual

Sunday, March 12, 2006 at 3:06 PM EST

I was born asexual and i am very proud to be that way. Some believe it isn’t normal to not have no nature. It doesn’t bother me what people think i couldn’t imagine myself any different than what i am. I’m not attracted to men or women. I gratefully don’t have any sexual desires.

When some people in the past found out that i didn’t want to be bothered with men they automatically assumed that it was because i was worried about a man only trying to use me for one thing like “sex”, or that maybe i saw or experienced some type of negativity involving a man somewhere along down the line in my life. But neither of those things were true.

I hate when people make ignorant generalizations. I’ve never been in a bad relationship and i’ve never been raped. And, i’ve never seen any of my female family members in any serious abusive relationships with men.

Most people say a man and a woman are suppose to be together. I understand that God made it that way, nevertheless, i still don’t care. I am nowhere near ashamed of who i am. If i get ridiculed because everybody else may enjoy the company of a man and are having sex and i am not-too bad!