My mother and I had gone through quite a few things and challenges through life for many years, years ago, yet we would always get through those situations remarkably and victoriously.
We, of course, experienced a lot of good times too along with plenty of really nice and supernatural blessings that had indeed come from God.
Even though, I still blamed God for having to go through negativity whether it was on account of people, principalities, or just the circumstances of living within a fallen world that I felt I didn’t ask to come into.
I have to admit that I was very strong in prayer and putting effort into developing a relationship with God to the best of my ability in trying to understand his will and plans back then.
Sometimes I did still have doubts about the authenticity of God’s goodness.
Whenever I would talk against him for whatever seemed to me to be unfair, cruel, or unright within life, my mother would always say that “It is not God, it is the people”. And she would always emphasize that God was good and how he was always good to her throughout her life.
My mother’s faith in the goodness of God was very strong compared to mine.
I always knew and believed in the power that he had but started to not completely trust in him as a good God as I focused more on the things I felt he allowed to happen in our personal lives, and within the world in general.
I couldn’t grasp God as truly being this loving, caring, reasonable source of light in a world full of permitted darkness. After all, nothing can go on unless God allows it too.
I looked at God as an evil or wrathful spirit looking to readily catch people in wrong-doing with the eagerness to punish or to send them to hell. I especially, believed that he had something personally against me and eventually came to the idea that it had to be other sources of light looking out and after me because I just couldn’t fathom how God worked sometimes.
It seems very contradicting to have been born with a caul and have God be against me (not saying that God is naturally against anyone). However, my mother along with a few others had told me that I sometimes would think “backwards”.
I cannot deny in all truth how God had been exceptional in our lives. Again, I think I focused more on the bad than the good things at times.
God has made a strong and grave stance to draw me back to him recently. He wants me to come to fully know and to understand the true nature of him, his word, and his glorious plans for me.
I never actually thought I’d speak these words. I was so angry at God for allowing witchcraft to be done on me as a child on up by jealous, envious, ill-minded individuals. And I had resented how the same types of toxic and undesirable individuals seemed to constantly be placed within my paths.
God wants me to know and to understand that he genuinely does love me. He wants me to focus totally on him and to have eternal life through the truth of his word and righteousness. He doesn’t want the devil to steal away and/or kill me with lies of where the source of my foundation, maintenance and protection resides.
God wants me to acknowledge and give glory to him. He wants me to use my spiritual gifts and experiences whether extraordinary or ordinary as testimony and encouragement instead of speaking against him out of any misinterpretation.
In order for me to comply the event had to be of sincerity and a true desire from within. As an authentic individual, I wanted everything to be from the heart; because that is how I operate. The spirit is definitely within me.
God didn’t knock on my door this time-he barged on in with urgency. An urgency of love and concern, an action he did not have to do. We have such little time here on earth and he wanted me to take heed to acknowledge his sovereignty and bring me closer to him.
In putting him first, he isn’t trying to hurt me he informed. He just wants me to learn to trust him while he takes care of the rest.
God doesn’t want my soul to be in jeopardy-and certainly not over a misunderstanding of who he is. God has a way of getting our attention even if it’s through a tragedy.
God knows our true hearts and motives and may correct but not punish out of unintentional error.
It is definitely true, he never abandons his children, even when some of us shy away from him. Even when I kept away he kept near not letting me fall. He won’t let anything separate those of us who truly belong to him.