I never ever fell for the mind game junkie mentality. I remember when my drug addict aunt Tina would get in her jealous envious ways and literally tell me to my face “You don’t have no education!” And she would try to spread that lie to anyone she thought that she could manipulate into believing it.
I thought it was so strange how she would continue on with that when she herself actually never graduated from high school. She has no high school diploma nor GED. However, that was the entire point, I was highly educational and knowledgeable and she was not.
I had never ever in life been classified as a dummy and no one could ever genuinely call me one, especially not with my academic evaluations.
I also remember Tina being jealous of me being a cute little girl and of my pretty complexion. She had some type of sickness/obsession about bumps on the face and would have a field day trying to make me believe that I had a problem with them. I guess that was a junkie thing. A deep sickness among the junkies and the like because I never understood that nonsense.
Tina along with my great-grandmother had done and tried the same exact thing with my mother. They would tell her that “You never worked a day in your life”.
That was also crazy.
My mother had quite a few good jobs within her lifetime and when she had passed the government test and started working for the Post Office back in the eighties they were all ate up with pure jealousy and they came up with a scheme to sabotage her in the workplace.
All Amanda (my great-grandmother) had ever done for a living aside from being a junkie and a drunk when she came up to New York from North Carolina was steam and/or iron clothes in one of those work factories down in Manhattan. And when I once mentioned to her “all you did or could do was iron clothes” she got offended and said “Oh, no. There is a way that you have to iron”.
And my mother had said “What other way is there to iron other than to get the wrinkles out?”
The same thing with Tina and my uncle they got their jobs from social services. After being on welfare for such a long period of time they began to work there at the company. In the long run, my uncle kept his job until he fell ill from AIDS and while he was still on dope and died. Tina had eventually got demoted, got injured on her job (either she fell or someone got tired of her shit and knocked her down) then tried to sue the city and got fired.
When my uncle was on his death-bed in the hospital in January 2004, Amanda asked me to come up there with her to visit him (I was curious and wanted to get a look at him. He looked terrible, like death itself) but before we made the trip up there she stopped off at his apartment to steal his employment checks that had piled up so that she could illegally bust them.
Amanda could not find them so one day she sent Tina up there to her brother’s apartment to find them and she must have smelled those checks because she went right straight on over to them, also discovering his dope needle through out the search.
When one family associate had heard that I visited my uncle in the hospital she said that he was making, or that he had to make an amends (As some people who may have wronged someone in some way often does). And that bitch who was named Stephanie Caffey (a ole whore-hopper) made me so sick with her ignorance.
I had never held any animosity over my uncle for throwing me around the room when I was a nine month old baby, I mean my mother and family from day one had always shared that information with me when I was a very young girl, but I never had any personal recollection of it to feel any anger or resentment toward him.
It was an awful thing that he had done but I absolutely was not affected by it in any way, I mean the man was crazy.
The only hostility I ever felt for my uncle was in the negative ways in which he would sometimes act toward me and he had eventually admitted to me that he was jealous of me and he had the courage to apologize.
I also never felt comfortable being around my uncle there was just something about his spirit that was not right.
Tina and Amanda on the other hand always thought that they could solve their wrongdoings with money. I could not be bought from anyone’s guilt or from anything else for that matter. They obviously weren’t use to people with integrity (They were familiar only with people who weren’t use to anything and who had never had anything). There was not enough money in the world that they could bribe me with or to compensate to me for all of the nasty deeds that they had done.
What killed me the most was how they were supposed to be so much against my mother and I but when they would get mad or scared about something and then turn on one another or even against someone other who they would often downgrade us to, they’d run straight back to us to talk about them in the same very negatively light, giving us the scoop on and about all of their business (Bet those stupid asses didn’t know about that!).
However, we as levelheaded people always took certain information with a grain of salt because just like a dog will take a bone the same dog will most likely bring it back. So if Tina and Amanda would lie to others about us they surely wouldn’t hesitate to lie to us about them.
The only difference in between was that my mother and I weren’t fools. We were never stupid or naive as were the other people who were so easy or susceptible to believe. Nevertheless, jealous envious people want to hear the worse about someone else and will take in as true the negativity that is geared towards their targets.
Amanda once offered me control over her 5,000 dollar bank account. What is 5,000 in this day and age? If it would have been more I still would not have taken her up on the offer. “I don’t want shit from you”, I told her (All I wanted was for her to die and she finally did pass away in the year 2009).
In 2012, after my mother sold our old house and split the “will” money Tina had the nerve to want to talk to me about something.
“I want to talk to you about my pension”.
Tina was insinuating leaving me behind her financial benefits upon her eventual death. I do not need or want that shit she could shove that money all up her HIV or AIDS infected ass as far as I am concerned.
I never had to go to anyone and I never had to ask anyone for anything in my entire life. And I never will.
I’ve always had and I always will do for myself. I am a very independent individual. I only want my own and I will endeavor to always get mine on my own.
I’d like to kick in the New Year by doing one of the things that I like to do best and that is eating.
I am very careful what I put inside of my body as I have been a vegan turned vegetarian for over twenty years and I will once in a while eat cheese strictly if it contains either vegetable rennet or no rennet at all and I cannot expect or depend on pizza shops in general to prepare their dishes with the same dietary restrictions that many of us have concerns about in regard to our lifestyles so I’ll just have to make my own homemade pizza with the high quality ingredients that I prefer.
For a delicious dessert I’d love to have a yellow cake with white icing as I haven’t baked and ate one in about a little over ten years but I have baked some great oatmeal cookies since then.
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misslatoya
"My Voice" Weblog By Miss LaToya Lawrence 
Ratonya said 1 day ago
I am Ra’Tonya. A caulbearer, rh neg, born 4-21-1975. Real deal but not involved in anything but being there for info. You may contact me.